Asshats

ARGH! Sometimes my client absolutely kills me. In the grand scheme of things, they are fantastic to work with/for! However, the culture sometimes kills me. No one is willing to put a stake in the ground and just make a decision and go down a path. No no, first we have to get everyone's opinion on it and make sure everyone is happy. Oh, and they want all the answers before they start a project. Somewhere the concept of one of the purposes of the project is to answer all their questions got lost. God forbid if an executive actually makes a freaking decision. Here we are, ~2 months from go-live and we're still nailing down scope. Are you kidding me?

The latest and greatest - I now have a meeting tomorrow from 3:30-7:00pm to do a data model review for a project I'm not even working on. Ok, granted, this project will be using our system as its source for the Customer Dimension, but still. So not only are having a meeting late in the afternoon/evening, it's also about the world's most boring topic. The best part - even if we tell them they are wrong, the odds of it getting fixed before they go-live with their Phase I are slim to none. So why, when I'm overloaded anyway, am I giving up work time to do this? Especially when they just laughed at me when I asked if they were bringing in a keg.

I also have the joy of working with some independent contractors on this project. Now, most I have worked with have been pretty cool. But there is this one chick that drives me nuts. She's in her 40s and originally from South Africa. I think she would be great as a college professor - very abstract thinker. Very into methodologies and talking about how we should do things. Anyone who comes from a Big 5 background (like yours truly) says, Or we could use the JFDI methodology - Just Fucking Do It! We are going insane with this. She was made the Business Analyst Team Lead after I turned down the job because the role I was in was already more than full time and I couldn't do both. She was never pleased that she was second choice. We also had a useless PM on the Business side at that point that we eventually got rid of. They asked her to be the interim PM while they did the search for a new one. Well, then she got it in her head that she is doing a fine job and we don't need to bring someone in...AFTER the team had found someone and made the person a contracting offer. So he finally comes in and she's been pissy ever since because she feels she didn't get the credit she deserves for doing the job. Boo fucking hoo. None of us are really sure what she is doing these days. I am trying to figure out if my client is really paying her to just update 3 spreadsheets a week. Apparently during the team meeting we had the week I was in Texas, there was quite an entertaining incident.

This team out here has always been a "tough love" kind of team. My kinda style (shocking, I know). So, there the team was, in the middle of the weekly team meeting. There's probably about 25 people in this room. Keep in mind she is an independent contractor and not an employee. Well, I guess at one point in the meeting she said, "I think we need to be more cognizant of people's feelings because people should feel comfortable raising concerns in this meeting." The PM on the IT side (who is friends w/ her outside of work and is actually the one who got her the gig) jokingly says, "Nah." Everyone laughed. Well, this chick gathers her stuff, stands up, walks out of the meeting and SLAMS the door behind her. Oh yes, very professional. I was flabbergasted.

Then last Monday I had the following IM exchange with her. IM names have been changed to protect the not so innocent:

j: please invite me to your data validation meetings
j: i need to be a passive participant
j: in order to model the process
j: okay?
bh: model what process?
j: the transformation of data from source to consumption
bh: i'm confused - that's a technical question and something SQA will lbe testing
j: well, in UAT we need to note logical transformations of data
j: sqa is specific about tables, columns, rows, etc. Do you see a problem with me attending your meetings?
bh: i just don't think we're covering what you want in our meetings right now
bh: we're still sorting out our whole org process and then eventually match rules
j: okay. well i prefer to decide that myself
j: i think that you prefer not to work with me
bh: J, that's absolutely not it
bh: I just didn't want to waste your time with mtgs that won't give you the information you need
bh: That's why I'm trying to figure out exactly what you want so I can invite you to the proper meetings
j: well, actions speak louder than words, BH, and you have never welcomed interaction with me
j: we can be adult about this
bh: I don't understand where this is coming from
bh: I was simply trying to figure out exactly what you are looking for so you can be included in the proper meetings
bh: Not trying to cut you out of the loop
bh: I just know we are all busy
j: please invite me to your validation meetings when you are discussing data transformation, including the application of rules. thanks.
bh: no problem
bh: do you want to be included in our conversations with (product company)? we are having a call tomorrow to discuss the possibility of implementing bus type not only on a decoded value, but on a set of keywords from another field.
j: no thanks. I do need to understand how we how values are assigned to the data so that we can provide a rich enough sample in UAT.
bh: ok
j: you're minutes are usually pretty good. I'll use those until your strategy is decided
bh: ok

I love that somehow I'm the asshole when she's the one suffering from the complex. Now ask me if that asshat has shown up to a single one of the meetings I was forced to invite her to! Not really the way I wanted to start my Monday. Therefore, I blame her for the beer scooter incident!

Only When You're a Hasher

(warning - run on sentence about to begin)

Can you get drunk-dialed on a Thursday night by a male friend who tells you he admires your Catholic School Girl Outfit, asks if he can borrow it for himself for a golf tournament and you don't even think twice about the request because it doesn't seem strange at all.

Sunshine, On My Shoulders

Makes me happy.

It is actually a beautiful Friday here in South San Francisco. I can't wait to get this weekend started! Of course, I also wish I could enjoy it with the car I had last weekend. Check out this beauty:





There's just something about having the sun shining on your face, the wind blowing through your hair, great music on the radio and an open, winding road in front of you with wineries on either side that makes everything in life ok.

Being in a sweet car doesn't hurt either!

You Can Always Count on Old Movies

Not trying to start a political discussion here, but I think that THIS is freaking priceless!!!

Beer Scooter

Oh dear Christ, it's a wonder I'm even alive....and it's Tuesday!!! Last night was the second Irish Night with the Giants at PacBell Park. Sorry, make that SBC Park. No, f that, PacBell Park. But I digress.

Left work at 5pm yesterday which was a nice change. Planned to meet up with hashers before the game and then figured I'd leave around the 7th inning to go home and get some sleep. Sounds like a good plan right? Well, best laid plans...Went to the 21st Amendment to meet the rest of the hashers going to the game. Had a few beers and, luckily, some food. Then we headed over to the game. During the game we had margaritas and rum & cokes. It's amazing how if you put a drink that looks like the colour of soda in a 2 litre bottle they have no problem letting you in with them.

The game was hilarious. Well, not the game so much as the antics of the group. We all got our ballcaps since it was the second Irish night (t-shirts the first time) and we were sitting in the right section. One hasher, SUS (not to be confused with the real S), is a Philly fan and came decked out in his gear. He never heard the end of the 5-0 loss. At one point SUS was silly enough to allow his Philly hat to be stolen. Silly, silly hasher. More on this in a bit.

After the game most people took off. My roomie K, another hasher B and I were still hanging around the stadium. Turns out B took SUS's hat. We had some fun taking photos with that. Then B gets the brilliant idea to take it into the men's bathroom to get some photos. He puts it on a urinal and a guy in there actually pees on it. He even got photos in midstream. Too funny! We bummed a bag off some other fan so he didn't have to carry it touching only the dry spot. Then the three of us pranced off to Zeke's Sports Bar for some bevvies. We had a few more beers there. Ran into some other hashers while there. We eventually decide to head out. I thought we were going home. Oh no, not to be. That would be far too intelligent.

Instead, we hopped in a cab and went to Tradr Sam's. Now Tradrs is a tiki bar that serves huge drinks with cheap liquor. It also happens to be our local. There is a victim of Tradrs every night. My first night in there almost 6 years ago, I was definitely the victim. I've never been drunk in there since as I stay away from their tiki concoctions. That truly is impressive considering I generally drink for free there. I don't think I can blame the rest of the evening on Tradrs. I somehow think all the alcohol consumed prior to getting there might be the culprit. Then again, I could be talking crazy talk.

We arrive at Tradrs and Freddy is working behind the bar. I get the first round with the remaining $10 I've got in my wallet (chivas and diet coke). We chatted a bit to these guys who were sitting in the booth next to us. And that's it. That's all I can remember. Next thing I know I'm waking up to the alarm I've apparently been snoozing the past 2 hours. It's 8am and I have a 9:15am mtg (which I actually made for the record). I stand up and there are all my clothes piled on the floor right next to the bed. Apparently I just stood there and stripped and then fell into bed. Nice huh? Went to the bathroom and turns out I'd managed to take out my contacts and put them in their proper place the night before. Also had set my alarm. Pretty damn impressive. Now - did I get home with my bag? Crap, I'd have to call Zeke's and Tradrs if I didn't, but that won't get me to my mtg on time. Turns out I made it home wiht my bag. Again, impressive. Took a quick shower, got dressed and wandered out to the living room. There's B passed out on the couch. Nice! K's door was still closed. Ok, we all made it home in one piece. Good stuff.

No headache, but man I had the shakes. Decided water would not be going into my body today. Had some sprite at home so filled the Nalgene bottle with that and made it to my 9:15. I'm rather certain I should not have been driving as I was still drunk at that point. Also found money in my wallet so apparently we hit the ATM at some point. I had meetings straight through until 4pm. Someone kill me! One meeting finished early so sent an email to B and K to try and find out what the hell happened last night. The email exchange was hilarious and essentially none of us know. It was 10:30 and B was still on my couch. We asked wonderful questions like,

K: Why we decided we absolutely had to continue drinking at Tradrs and what the hell time was it when we went to sleep?? And I don't remember exactly what we were talking about on the walk home, but we all thought it was the funniest thing ever.... I think I'm going to need a nap. And a new brain. The one I have is very confused...
B: Why does my head hurt? Clues anyone. Who ate so much cheese last night? Why does the Philly Hat smell like piss? Okay, do we know the guy who done did the pissin on the hat?
Me: You guys remember the walk home? I sure as hell don't. Why did it seem like such a good idea to keep drinking? Who let the cat into the house last night that shat in my mouth? How did I manage to take my contacts out, put them where they belong and set my alarm for the morning? Why do I have to have meetings straight through to 4pm today? Why couldn't yesterday have been Friday so I could sleep all day today?

Then, during another free moment I made another discovery. I pulled out my camera from the night before and found all these pictures from Tradrs. At one point I apparently passed the camera over to the guys sitting in the booth next to us. Also have pictures of them. Unfortunately, none of them helped me piece together the evening at all.

My coworker brought me a burrito for lunch since I had mtgs the whole time. Very nice gesture. I ate about 1/4 of it. Then an hour later had another 1/4. An hour later had another 1/4. Had to make sure it would stay down you see. Still haven't had any water - been 7up all day long. Ugh. And I have to do dinner with a buddy tonight.

And it's only Tuesday!!!

Though I do think it's kinda funny, I also hate that I got drunk enough to not remember. So not cool. I am grateful that we are all okay, though a few brain cells lighter.

Note to self: Next time you plan to go home early to go to bed, do it!

My New Purchase

Inspired by MB's comment, I thought I'd put some pictures of my latest purchase from eBay. Such a wonderful little thing that eBay. No one has any idea that it's you buying such items.




Now, if only I looked like this in it:
Then again, maybe the chick in this photo wishes she filled out the top as much as I do! Who knows?

MB - assume the position!

Everything's Bigger in Texas

Spent all last week at my uncle's lake house in Texas. He's on the Richmond-Chamberlain Resevoir. It's about 110 miles south-east of Dallas. We ended up having a mini-family reunion down there. My brother, his wife and daughter drove down from Kansas City. My cousin, his wife and two kids drove in from Denver. My other cousin flew in from Los Alamos. I didn't know he was coming, but it was great to see him again. So, essentially, from that side of the family we had all the folks we like. I know, it's wrong to say that, but some people just bring it on themselves. However, I won't bore you with the family dynamics.

I flew out Sat, Aug 6th from the San Jose airport. The night before I met up with some friends to grab some dinner and margaritas. We then saw The Dukes of Hazzard movie. I was pleasantly surprised - when you go in with no expectations whatsoever, it's actually pretty darn funny. I crashed with a friend down there who lives a couple exits from the airport. 4:45am came far too early. What was I thinking taking a 6:40am flight??? Particularly one where I had to connect through Minneapolis, which we all know is right on the way to Dallas. Oh right, that whole saving $150 thing. I really need to get over being cheap.

Anyway, get to the airport and it is a clusterfuck! I expected no one to be there that early on a Saturday morning. Apparently everyone else in the world had that same thought. It was a really interesting experience however. Normally security goes out of their way to let those who are about to miss flights go to the front of the line so they can make the plane. Not these little Asian ladies though. No no, "first come first serve. I don't care that you are about to miss a flight. You should have gotten here earlier." Never mind that people had been standing in the security line for literally 45 minutes. Now, I agree with them in principle. However, I also know that things go wrong and sometimes you're late. Or there were poor people who had gotten to the airport in plenty of time, but had been standing in the line so long they were about to miss a plane. Maybe San Jose security could figure it out and have more people working at that hour. I finally make it through security and think the fiasco is over. No no, no such luck. That would be FAR too easy.

I get to the gate and hand them my boarding pass. I had been lucky enough to get an exit row seat. She's not going to let me sit in the exit row because I have the air cast on my leg. Now, keep in mind that boarding this plane requires me to walk outside, walk up a steep flight of steps and walk to my seat. But somehow having this aircast is going to mean that I can't use my arms to open an exit door and be able to usher people out. When I tried to calmly explain this to the person at the gate, she didn't even listen to me and was trying to reseat me. When I stated that I didn't want to be reseated and that one of the reasons I had gotten the exit row was so I could have more legroom and be able to avoid having my ankle kicked by folks, she kept right on talking. I asked her how having an aircast on was going to prevent me from opening a door. She started rattling off that you can't have any children or handicapped people sitting in the exit row. I politely told her that I was not a child and was not handicapped, I just happened to have a brace on my leg. She wouldn't hear a word of it and was increasingly becoming rude. I asked her if I took the brace off if I could sit there. She said, "Fine, if you want to be an idiot, go ahead." I smiled sweetly and said, "I somehow doubt that in this situation, I am the one behaving like an idiot." So I took off my brace, grabbed my boarding pass back, went through the door, put my brace back on and boarded the plane. No one said a word.

We then had mechanical delays. Finally I got to Minneapolis and then had to schlepp for what seemed miles to get to my next gate. Since I can't run it makes things a bit hard. Finally got to my gate and walked right onto the plane. Had an exit seat again and funnily enough, no one said a word about it. What is it with people and their authority complexes? All I could picture was Cartman saying, "Respect my authori-tie!"

Anyway, I arrive in Dallas safe and sound. My brother and his family pick me up from DFW and we are on the road. It was so good to see my little niece again. I hadn't seen her since her baptism. She is gorgeous! She turned 9 months while we were down there. My sister-in-law is also fantastic. I'm not sure how my brother did so well, but he sure did! Anyway, drove to my uncle's lake house. My cousin from Los Alamos was already there. Great seeing him again and catching up with him. I think he's about to get divorced so that sucks. Then again, I think his wife is a stupid bitch so in the grand scheme of things, I'm not bothered. I just don't like to see him in pain. My other cousin and his fam arrived around midnight that night.

The whole week consisted of boating, water skiing for the non-injured, fishing, eating like a pig and playing cards - cribbage, poker, spades, hearts, shithead, you name it. It was great! Very relaxing. Weather ended up being okay. I had expected Africa-hot, but it rained a few days in the afternoon/evening so that helped coold things down. Monday night we smoked some Chateaubriand. Oh my God that was good! So rare and tender and juicy and melt in your mouth good! Tuesday morning half the crew went out with a couple fishing guides. The did really well. Wednesday morning my uncle, brother and I were going out with the guide. However, there was far too much lightening around so we planned it for the next day. I should have gone back to bed. Oh well, we just played all day instead. It cleared up and we went swimming...even my little niece who absolutely loves the water! That night we decided to go out fishing. I figured since I had bought the fishing license for that day, I better use it. Now there's a story!

Things start smoothly. We have yet another amazing meal and then decide to go out fishing before it gets dark. The crew is comprised of: Uncle Jack, my cousin Vinny, his two kids, my brother and my cousin Jimmy.

It's a beautiful evening as we set out. Vin wants to take us to one of the spots the guide had taken them yesterday morning. Off we go across the lake (this thing is huge by the way). About 15 minutes later we get to the spot and throw our slabs in the water. The wind begins to pick up, but not too badly. Vin is playing with the trolling motor on the front. Well, it's a nice tree farm on the bottom of this particular spot. First my brother gets hung up on a stump. He manages to break free. Then John and Kristina end up getting their lines tangled thanks to Vin's "expert" use of the trolling motor. I think my brother spent the rest of the time trying to get that mess sorted out. Kevin ends up getting hung up on my line (again, thanks to our trolling motor). After we sort that out I get hung up on a tree stump. I ask Vin to move us over in that direction so I can get free. About that time Kevin ends up with his line wrapped around the trolling motor. You can see where this is going. By the time they get that sorted, I've run out of line and the line snaps so I've got nothing left.

Now, during part of this time Vin had asked Jimmy to start the boat motor so he could help us out a bit while Vin sorted out the trolling motor. Well, turns out the old reliable gas gauge isn't so reliable. We're out of gas and can't get the motor going. So, what do you do when you're on a 15,000+ acre lake, it's getting dark and you've run out of gas? Well, you put the trolling motor in the water and try and make it to the nearest marina. We did end up pulling off that feat which was rather impressive. However, no lights are on in the store when we pull in. Luckily we managed to catch the guy before he left and we were able to fill up. The first nice break we've had. Well, second considering we did at least have a trolling motor. It's more than dark now and time to head home.

That ride that took us 15 minutes going out, took about 50 minutes going home. Turns out my uncle doesn't really go out at night and so didn't know where exactly he was on the lake. THere are tons of little coves (he lives in one) and they all look the same. Sort of like trying to find Trevie Fountain in some non-descript little piazza in Rome at night. Anyway, we eventually made it back in and that put an end to our night fishing trips.

The next morning Uncle Jack, John and I were up early again to go out with the guide. We did have a blast! Didn't hit our limit, but man those stripers can run when you've got them hooked. Caught some nice white bass. Uncle Jack caught a 12lb+ buffalo fish. Have you seen those things? They are prehistoric! Check it out:


Jimmy flew out that day which was a bummer. We all spent some time cleaning up Uncle Jack's house that afternoon - mowing, trimming, chopping wood, hammering, etc. Though it was hot, it was really nice to do some manual labor. I decided that I spend far too much time in front of a computer with my job and really need to take on some manual labor stuff to keep me sane. But I digress. Had another great meal that night, complete with homemade ice cream. Friday morning we packed our stuff and my brother and fam and I took off. Vin and family weren't leaving until Sunday. Made it back to San Jose safe and sound.

Was supposed to hang out with a "buddy" that night who lives in Campbell. I don't know what we are. He's on the snog list, but we don't see each other all that frequently. Anyway, called him that night, but never head back so I just headed back to the City. Good thing I didn't expect him to pick me up at the airport like we had originally discussed. Rat bastard. Oh well.

Saturday I caught up on my email since I didn't have access all week. Turns out I had won luxury box seats to the Dave Matthews Band concert at SBC Park...for Friday night. Guess I missed that one eh? Oops!

Anyway, great week with the fam. It was great having a chance to get away and just relax...even if I did miss MB's retirement party. Somehow I don't think he would have remembered had I been there anyway. :-)

Lentils

What's the big fascination with Lentils? I just went to our cafeteria and the pickings were mighty slim after the lunch rush. I ended up with a bowl of sausage and lentil soup. I decided they put the sausage in there to make it palatable. Now, I'm sure lentils are full of good things for you like anti-oxidents and other such crap, but honestly, can't they taste better? We're all gonna die eventually anyway. Can't we at least enjoy the way we go?

This moment of randomness has been brought to you by the letters B and H and the number 10.

Men Say (and Do) the Darndest Things

Yesterday was a rather entertaining day in terms of interactions with random men. The morning started off well. I went to my chiropractor before heading to work. As I was walking back to my car on Van Ness, I looked at the man walking in front of me. He was strutting down the street and had this cute tan bag slung over his shoulder. When I looked more closely, the bag had some writing on it. I did a double take because I was sure it couldn't say what it really did. Sure enough, it said, "Good Vibrations". Now, don't get me wrong. Being an avid fan of Good Vibes, I know they have items for men as well. However, the last thing I ever expected to see was a man walking down the street proudly wearing a bag with Good Vibrations splayed across it. Made me laugh. Good on ya sir!

Later that day I was in the elevator at work. I had my Tinker Bell purse with me that day. Yeah, I'm a chick, what do you want? Anyway, this middle-aged man was on the elevator with me. All of a sudden he said, "That is a really cute purse. Where did you get it?" Once I'd recovered from my shock I did manage to refrain from asking if he wanted it for himself and how pink really was his colour. Then he went on to explain his cover story of how his daughters are huge Tinker Bell fans. Yeah buddy, whatever. You don't need to make up a cover story. This is (South) San Francisco. It's okay to be that way! Ok, so those were just the thoughts running through my head. I can occasionally apply a filter. Anyway, he stayed on the elvator past his floor to find out the store where I had purchased it and kept telling me over and over again how cute it was. I have to admit I found it rather entertaining.

A third story, though this took place over the weekend. Sunday was the final day of the Novato Ren Faire. Some friends and I went to hang out and drink. Ran into someone I know, but hadn't seen since Northern Faire last year. He wraps me in a big hug, gropes me a little and says to himself, "Yep, still solid." Then he proceeds to say the following, "You know, I'm generally only attracted to petite women. But there is just something about you....your personality." I interject with a smile, "Are you telling me I have a great personality?" (aka the kiss of death) He said, "Well, yes you do, but it's more than that. You have a great face and even though you're the size you are, you're just solid underneath." Instead of vocalizing one of the many thoughts running through my head (damn, I'm getting good at applying a filter!) I forced myself to think that somewhere, in that Y chromosome brain of his, he thought he was giving me a compliment. So I just smiled, said 'Thank you' and extracated myself before he could dig a deeper hole. And yes, I do actually believe he thought he was being complimentary.

Men...can't live with 'em....pass the beer nuts.

Etiquette

Before I write a post with all the gory details of my vacation, I just have to post this one. I am a huge fan of common courtesy. Also common sense. Have you noticed that neither are very common?

Saturday night I hung out a buddy. We have a mutual friend, but this is the first time the two of us have hung out. I went over to his place and we watched Shaun of the Dead. Freaking great movie if you've never seen it. Anyway, when I get there he starts rolling this big old J. Now, he was polite enough to ask if I minded that he smoked it. Hey man, it's your place. Do what you want. However, he never offered it to me.

Now, being the girl who's never even smoked pot, it's not such a big thing. I would have turned it down politely. Each to their own, it's just not my thing. However, shouldn't I at least have had the opportunity to turn it down? Isn't there some unwritten pot code in the world that if you're rolling one with someone else there you at least offer it to the other person? Since I'm not in the pot world, could someone who is familiar with it help a girl out?

Things that make me go hmmmmmmm....

Sniffing Glue

I am officially an idiot. I know that is not coming as a great shock to most of you, but I am finally admitting it.

Last Saturday some friends and I went to the Renaissance Faire in Novato. Yes, I'm a geek who enjoys the Ren Faire. I've even worked a few. Let me tell you, all you have to do is work one of those things to feel like the most normal person around. There are some serious geeks out there! But I digress. Before we went I was trying to reattach one of the favors someone had given me that had come apart. I pulled out my trusty Elmers Rubber Cement to get the job done. Great. Got that sorted.

Last night I happened to glance at the floor in front of my closet. The Rubber Cement was laying there on the floor. No big thing, it'd been there all week. Well, this time I looked a bit closer. Turns out I hadn't put the lid on all the way and my carpet is now Rubber Cemented together. NOT GOOD. I'm such an idiot. "Gosh! You're so stupid!" (Thanks Napoleon)

Anyway, it did bring some comfort that when I went to the Elmers website, it turns out I'm not the only idiot around (just in case there was any confusion about that). I found this little ditty on the Frequently Asked Questions Page:

Rubber Cement on Carpet - Try to "ball up" the mass of dried Rubber Cement between your fingers. Any remaining residue should be cleaned with a dampened cloth and Rubber Cement Cleaner/Solution. This product can be purchased at Office/Stationery or Hobby/Craft stores. Repeat applications might be necessary for more absorbent or lighter carpeting. Be sure to test the solution on an inconspicuous spot of carpeting before using to be sure there will be no negative effects on carpet fibers or dye.

The part I question is the testing on an inconspicuous spot of carpeting. At this point, is anythign more conspicuous than a big circle of glue? Even if it bleaches the spot a little it's got to look better than it does.

Anyway, looks like when I get back from Texas I'll be stopping by a craft store to get some Rubber Cement Cleaner.

For the record, yes, it does suck to be stupid.

Some of the jokes are just for me

Sarcasm. What a wonderful little thing when done properly. Some say it is the lowest form of humor. I think it's fabulous. If that means my humor is on the low end, well, shit happens and life goes on. As long as I'm entertained that's really all that matters. For the record, sometimes I think I'm hilarious. Other times I'm just caustic. It happens, but I'm getting better about losing the causticness and just being funny.

Sometimes my little friend sarcasm also gets me in trouble. Sure, it gets us all in trouble over Instant Messenger or email. There's no intonation to let the other person know you are just "pulling the piss". Then there are the cases where people just don't pick up that you are kidding and actually respond seriously to some smartass comment.

I've heard folks say that men are generally better with sarcasm than women. Possibly attributed to the fact that men let lots of things roll off their backs while women take offense and mull it over long after the horse is rotting. In personal research, I find it is often men who misunderstand my sarcasm more than women. A couple examples:

Example 1:
There's a great guy who works the front desk of my gym. Let's call him DB. DB is a total sweetheart who has had some pretty amazing adventures in his life including living in South Africa for a few years. It doesn't hurt that he's great eye candy to go along w/ the great personality...and straight! (a rare luxury in this town) We've always gotten along and sometimes hang out together outside the gym. The other day we had this email string going. He had emailed saying that beer brewed in copper vats is a great cure for arthritis and I should try it for my ankle. Apparently the Belgians make quite a few beers brewed in copper. I wrote back asking if that meant he was taking me out for some medicine. He responded by saying yes, to Belgium w/ a quick stop in Amsterdam along the way. I asked when I should have my bags packed and DB said after he wins the lottery. I told him I'm not that patient and how about if I picked up the airline tab and he could work it off. He asked how - in tail? housework? chores? I told him that variety is the spice of life and he could choose. He wrote back saying he could be the official court wine taster. I told him that somehow that didn't seem like working anything off, though he certainly knows how to negotiate. I also added, "For the record, I was hoping you'd say tail. ;-)" Complete with little winky smiley face annoying thing that chicks use. Funny right? Or is it just me that thinks so considering I never got a response? Oh well. It was a fun exchange while it lasted.

Example 2:
At hash events of all places! I can't count the number of times I've made some offhand smartass comment to a male hasher about spooning together or sharing a bed and they respond with some serious answer. Ummm...haven't y'all known me long enough by now to recognize when I'm kidding? Honestly! It's the hash. Doesn't everyone joke around w/ sexual inuendo? I am completely backwards when it comes to being forward with men I'm actually interested in. Of course, this could explain why I'm single and why I'm great at getting guys as friends, just not as boyfriends. But I digress...

Is it all just perception? Do men truly believe I am being serious when I make these offhand comments? Women know I'm kidding when I make them. Of course, that could also be because they know I am straight. Oh well, if there's one thing I've learned, you can't change how people perceive you. They see what they want to see.

To quote MB, I just dunno.

Time to Upgrade My Tranny

Now, I know I live in San Francisco, but I'm not referring to the lovely transvestites you see wandering around. Though honestly, some of those shims are gorgeous! Have you seen them? But I digress...

Took my car in at 7am on Saturday morning. Seeing as I had an appointment I thought it would speed things along. Honda loves to prove me wrong. There are two entrances to the service center - one on a side street and one on Van Ness. I got to the dealership about 6:50am. There were 3 cars in line on the side street so I figured I would outwit everyone and wait on the Van Ness side. BIG mistake. Turns out the Van Ness side just drives you through to the side street. By this time there are about 8 cars on the side street. Foiled again!

So I patiently wait my turn and "A" finally comes over to help me. This is the same guy I had spoken with the day before. He gets all the paperwork in order and I ask when they'll have completed the diagnostic work. He says, "By 2pm." I said, "Not acceptable." So he rang the mechanic and said he'd know by 9am. Much better. So I hobble up to the waiting area and read my book. About 9:15 I go find A again and ask for an update. He didn't have one yet but said it shouldn't be too much longer. About 9:45 he finally comes to talk to me. To his credit, he did say the mechanic had finished at 9:10, but didn't let him know. He apparently reemed him since there was the nice W symbol at the top of the paperwork which means a human being is waiting on the information. Turns out I need a new transmission. Oh thrill, oh joy. They have ordered it, but it probably wouldn't be here until Tuesday.

Since I needed a car I had to hobble down to Enterprise to rent a car for the time being. Prior to leaving Honda I grabbed some stuff I would need out of my car and put it in a paper bag. As I was hobbling the block and a half down to Enterprise, I realized that I was walking down Van Ness with a paper bag and a cane. I'm rather certain everyone there thought I was one of the homeless folks. I fit right in.

Anyway, a big thanks to mom for unknowingly looking out for her daughter (I kept her car after she died and sold mine) and purchasing that extended warranty! What are the odds it would happen with 4000 miles left? Generally this stuff happens when the odometer turns 100,005! Thanks momma - my bank account greatly appreciates it!