Asshats

ARGH! Sometimes my client absolutely kills me. In the grand scheme of things, they are fantastic to work with/for! However, the culture sometimes kills me. No one is willing to put a stake in the ground and just make a decision and go down a path. No no, first we have to get everyone's opinion on it and make sure everyone is happy. Oh, and they want all the answers before they start a project. Somewhere the concept of one of the purposes of the project is to answer all their questions got lost. God forbid if an executive actually makes a freaking decision. Here we are, ~2 months from go-live and we're still nailing down scope. Are you kidding me?

The latest and greatest - I now have a meeting tomorrow from 3:30-7:00pm to do a data model review for a project I'm not even working on. Ok, granted, this project will be using our system as its source for the Customer Dimension, but still. So not only are having a meeting late in the afternoon/evening, it's also about the world's most boring topic. The best part - even if we tell them they are wrong, the odds of it getting fixed before they go-live with their Phase I are slim to none. So why, when I'm overloaded anyway, am I giving up work time to do this? Especially when they just laughed at me when I asked if they were bringing in a keg.

I also have the joy of working with some independent contractors on this project. Now, most I have worked with have been pretty cool. But there is this one chick that drives me nuts. She's in her 40s and originally from South Africa. I think she would be great as a college professor - very abstract thinker. Very into methodologies and talking about how we should do things. Anyone who comes from a Big 5 background (like yours truly) says, Or we could use the JFDI methodology - Just Fucking Do It! We are going insane with this. She was made the Business Analyst Team Lead after I turned down the job because the role I was in was already more than full time and I couldn't do both. She was never pleased that she was second choice. We also had a useless PM on the Business side at that point that we eventually got rid of. They asked her to be the interim PM while they did the search for a new one. Well, then she got it in her head that she is doing a fine job and we don't need to bring someone in...AFTER the team had found someone and made the person a contracting offer. So he finally comes in and she's been pissy ever since because she feels she didn't get the credit she deserves for doing the job. Boo fucking hoo. None of us are really sure what she is doing these days. I am trying to figure out if my client is really paying her to just update 3 spreadsheets a week. Apparently during the team meeting we had the week I was in Texas, there was quite an entertaining incident.

This team out here has always been a "tough love" kind of team. My kinda style (shocking, I know). So, there the team was, in the middle of the weekly team meeting. There's probably about 25 people in this room. Keep in mind she is an independent contractor and not an employee. Well, I guess at one point in the meeting she said, "I think we need to be more cognizant of people's feelings because people should feel comfortable raising concerns in this meeting." The PM on the IT side (who is friends w/ her outside of work and is actually the one who got her the gig) jokingly says, "Nah." Everyone laughed. Well, this chick gathers her stuff, stands up, walks out of the meeting and SLAMS the door behind her. Oh yes, very professional. I was flabbergasted.

Then last Monday I had the following IM exchange with her. IM names have been changed to protect the not so innocent:

j: please invite me to your data validation meetings
j: i need to be a passive participant
j: in order to model the process
j: okay?
bh: model what process?
j: the transformation of data from source to consumption
bh: i'm confused - that's a technical question and something SQA will lbe testing
j: well, in UAT we need to note logical transformations of data
j: sqa is specific about tables, columns, rows, etc. Do you see a problem with me attending your meetings?
bh: i just don't think we're covering what you want in our meetings right now
bh: we're still sorting out our whole org process and then eventually match rules
j: okay. well i prefer to decide that myself
j: i think that you prefer not to work with me
bh: J, that's absolutely not it
bh: I just didn't want to waste your time with mtgs that won't give you the information you need
bh: That's why I'm trying to figure out exactly what you want so I can invite you to the proper meetings
j: well, actions speak louder than words, BH, and you have never welcomed interaction with me
j: we can be adult about this
bh: I don't understand where this is coming from
bh: I was simply trying to figure out exactly what you are looking for so you can be included in the proper meetings
bh: Not trying to cut you out of the loop
bh: I just know we are all busy
j: please invite me to your validation meetings when you are discussing data transformation, including the application of rules. thanks.
bh: no problem
bh: do you want to be included in our conversations with (product company)? we are having a call tomorrow to discuss the possibility of implementing bus type not only on a decoded value, but on a set of keywords from another field.
j: no thanks. I do need to understand how we how values are assigned to the data so that we can provide a rich enough sample in UAT.
bh: ok
j: you're minutes are usually pretty good. I'll use those until your strategy is decided
bh: ok

I love that somehow I'm the asshole when she's the one suffering from the complex. Now ask me if that asshat has shown up to a single one of the meetings I was forced to invite her to! Not really the way I wanted to start my Monday. Therefore, I blame her for the beer scooter incident!