Monday, October 31, 2005

What We Have Here Is A Failure to Communicate

So here I am, sitting at work at 7:00pm on Halloween. Yes, I'm a winner. The joys of having a go/no-go decision on going live to be made the day after Halloween. About half an hour ago, my cell phone rang. It was a number I didn't recognize, but against my better judgement decided to pick it up.

"This is BH"
"Hi BH, this is Sean."
Silence
"Sean from Ren Faire."
Silence
"Sean from Golden Gate Faire...a couple months ago."
Silence and then
(cautiously)"Hiiiii...."
"Do you remember me?"
"I'm working on it."

It took me about 3 minutes to figure out who it was. I gave this guy my number literally over 2 months ago. He calls me on Halloween? Then asks what I've been up to since the last time we talked? Uh dude, I don't even know when that was. You're kidding right?

Basically he was trying to decide if he wanted to spend Halloween (amateur night - my opinion) in SF or not and decided to call who he knew in SF. Men seriously just don't get it do they?

So we were making small talk for a bit and I found it mildly entertaining, in that piss me off sort of way, that anytime I would start to speak to answer a question, he would just begin talking over me on some inane topic. What was I ever thinking giving this tool my number? Anyway, the conversation ends with, "Well hey, give me a call sometime and we'll get together." I respond with, "Should I wait two months?" He said, "Well, you know, whenever you're not busy." Somehow I think the irony was lost.

And men wonder why we often think they are idiots. :-)

This moment of lunacy was brought to you by the letter S and the number 2.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Things That are SO Great!

Just talked to my sister-in-law. My niece's birthday is Nov 10th. However, they are waiting until I fly in for Thanksgiving to have her birthday party. How great is that?!?!?!

Other things that are great:

2. Realizing the South Beach diet is for people who don't workout and eating a turkey sandwich.
3. New friends
4. Fall
5. Family

The list could go on and on, but this is the Reader's Digest version for S.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Amusing Observation

I noticed the other day that when I post frivilous thigns there are always comments galore being made by those that read this blog. However, when I post something even remotely serious there's not a soul to be found.

Damn y'all are demanding. Just have to constantly be entertained don't ya?

Don't mind me, just an observation that amused me. You know I love y'all.

This observation was brought to you by the letters AC and the number 4.

Monday, October 24, 2005

To Good Friends

Headed down to Ventura Friday afternoon. Turns out my good buddy JOTP is leaving me for his family in New York. Though I respect the decision, on a personal note it sucks. I have two brothers in this world. One by blood who I love dearly, and one by friendship who I also love dearly. JOTP is that other one. He will be missed, but luckily is only a plane ride/phone call away.

Anyway, Friday was a beautiful day. Left work around 12:30 which in itself made it a fantastic day! I had the old T-Bird convertible again. Top was down and started cruising down South. I forgot sunscreen and was about an hour into the drive when I thought about it. Unfortunately, I'm one of those folks who doesn't stop unless I need gas. I think it's all in how you are raised. Our family vacations we drove and you didn't stop unless you needed gas. That was when you peed and did anything else you needed to do. So I didn't stop until I hit Arroyo Grande to gather MB. After a short stop at MB's place and a gas stop for his bike and the t-bird we were off. MB suggested taking 154 which was fantastic! Beautiful drive if you ever get the chance. We dropped down the mountain into SB. Stopped at S69's house to gather more folks. MB headed off on his own to drop his bike at Glib's. The rest of us carried on our merry way into Ventura. I've never been to Ventura so was looking forward to it.

First stop - Dargan's Irish Pub. Great little spot! I walk in and it's just JOTP and MM. We had a drink and caught up as the rest of the crew began to arrive. It was a great to see everyone again. I hadn't seen a lot of folks since campout. I had parked my car in a lot and had to have it out by 3am so was restricting my alcohol intake. Turns out B has a house just up the hill and was kind enough to let MM and myself park our cars there. Thanks B! With that done it was time to get my drink on.

S appeared with his girlfriend who seems like a pretty cool chick. Then again, she enjoyed grabbing my ass so how could I not like her? ;-) Well, her and a few others. The problem is I'm just coming off the end of Ren Faire season. I'm used to people coming up behind me and grabbing or petting my ass. At faire I generally have a rabbit pelt back there and people like to pet it. Well, the girls like to pet it, the men like to pet what's underneath. Anyway, because it is faire you get in the habit of bending over a little bit to make it a bit easier for folks. Since I'm still in faire mode that's what I did at Dargan's. Took me a bit to realize that's not what people noramlly do. Oh well. S bought a few too many rounds of bombs which were enjoyed by quite a few of us. Thanks S! How you managed to get to work at 4am I will never know.

People wanted karaoke so we headed off to the Star Lounge. Turns out there was no karaoke at the Star that night. They had a band playing instead. A few of us started to dance. JOTP was one of them. Now by this point, and those of you who know JOTP will not be shocked by this, he was already a drunken punken. First he took off his shirt and threw it by the band. True to form, the band played on. Glib then tried to pull his pants down, which thankfully his belt prevented. I turned around to talk to someone and when I looked back around, there's JOTP pulling his own pants down around his ankles and doing the happy dance. The chick bartending was having none of it and wanted him out. As he was talking to one of the male bartenders, he almost had the guy convinced to let him stay. The chick came around again and said he had to go. All I can say about her is she must hate men b/c man she had no sense of humor.

Off we go to some other place whose name I can't remember. I know it's something like Sushi but that's not it. Pretty cool spot. I run to the bathroom and when I get back I learn that my brother has been kicked out again. That may be a new record - 2 mins. We eventually head out and decide to call it an evening. MB headed back to Glib's place and I decided to stay at JOTP's so we could hang out a bit more. Plus I really shouldn't have been driving at that point, let alone driving 20 mins on back roads. BBB, MM, Ryan/Frank/Robert and I all headed back to my brother's place to crash. Ended up ordering some Papa John's (haven't had that since college! oh the flashbacks!) and opening a bottle of champagne.

I ended up sharing sleeping bag and down comforter space w/ MM and Ryan/Frank/Robert. Do you have any idea what it's like to be trapped between two furnaces under a down comforter and not able to kick off the covers b/c then it kicks them off everyone? Holy crap! Especially considering I have a lot of body heat as well. Not sure how much sleep I got but it wasn't much. The next morning BBB left early and then what's-his-name went home. The rest of us went out to a kick-ass breakfast. My brother then dropped us at our cars, we said our fond farewells and I headed off back to Santa Barbara to collect the clothing I had left at S69's house. I cringed on the way to think of what had been done to my bra and shirt that night. Luckily I think he had been too drunk and tired to molest them in anyway. To be on the safe side I threw them in the washer as soon as I got home. :-)

ML came over as well and we all hung out for a bit. Then I was back on the road, this time with sunscreen on my face. Had to stop on the other side of Paso Robles at a rest stop and sleep for about 45 minutes. I think it's a sign of age that I now actually pull over and sleep instead of trying to power through like I used to. Maybe I'm growing. Made the rest of the drive home w/o trouble. Always nice to have a good long drive and get some thinking time in. Crashed out early last night as I was exhausted.

Got up early this morning to watch some friends compete in the Nike Half-Marathon. It was fun to cheer folks on. Then spent the day working which sucked. Oh well, at lesat half a weekend spent with good friends makes it all worthwhile.

I also learned some interesting news this weekend. Apparently quite a few more people know about my blog than I thought. I'm not sure how I feel about that. It was originally started as a place I could vent about anything, including the hash. Will a greater number of hashers knowing about my blog prevent me from venting like I normally would? Do I risk pissing off other folks? Or do I view it as an opportunity for them to see how they look through someone else's eyes? I just don't know.

This was brought to you by the letter F and the number 3.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

Can Neverland Be Found?

I just finished watching Finding Neverland. It is a fantastic film! Putting aside the fact that Johnny Depp is HOT, the film is amazingly done. Great script, great acting, great everything.

However, I never cease to be amazed at what a sap I really am. I mean, honestly, a girl spends all this time building up her tough exterior only to have it ruined by a freaking movie. Bawling like a baby at the end. Why is it stories where children, hell, anyone loses a parent hit a little too close to home even though it's almost been 11 years since my dad died and 4.5 since mom? Absolutely ridiculous I say. Anytime this wants to end will be just fine with me.

In the meantime, I think I'll keep searching for Neverland.

This has been brought to you by the letter S and the number 11.

Thursday, October 20, 2005

Regular Service Gone Wrong

I was told the most disturbing story yesterday.

A woman who works at my client had taken her car in for its regular service at the dealership. She gets this phone call that says, "We're really sorry, but as we were backing your car out of the garage we hit another car and damaged your bumper. We'll go ahead and fix it for you." She was a bit disturbed, but said ok. The next day she got another phone call from the dealership, "Oh, actually...your car was stolen, but we found it."

What the f***???? So you don't contact her as soon as you know it is missing, you don't contact the police, instead you make up some cockamaney story about hitting another car backing it out and the bumper being damanged? Is that like the bumper was damaged when it was stolen off our lot?? What kind of logic is that?

Man, I hope she calls the Better Bureau of Business or whatever that organization is called because that is just unacceptable. I would be spitting nails if that had happened to me. I don't think she'll be going there for "service" anytime soon.

This story was brought to you by the letters BBB and the number 9.

Friday, October 14, 2005

General Silliness

Last night I made it home around 9:30 or so. I started fixing some dinner and my home phone rang. After my flatmate and I placed our bets as to what telemarketer it would be, I answered. Turns out it was my buddy from Sports Basement aka my Shoe Guy. I had phoned him a few days before and left a message, just trying to catch up since it's been a while since we've seen each other. He was returning my call...sort of.

Turns out he needed some IT help. He was having trouble with his router due to good old SBC and couldn't get his email going either. He'd tried the help desk and of course got transferred to India where the chick totally screwed everything up. RS was leaving town the next day and wanted to get it fixed before then. He asked if he could hire me to come over and fix it. Now, I know I was a Computer Science major and I do IT Consulting. However, why people assume that means I work at a freaking help desk I will never understand. I have very limited knowledge about all this crap. That's why *I* call the help desk. Anyway, I told him that he couldn't hire me, but I'd be happy to go over and take a look at it.

RS lives 6 blocks from me. Yes, for those of you wondering, this is also the guy that inspired my posting about pot etiquette a while back. The part I left out of that story was what happened at the end of the evening. Perhaps a bit of background is necessary. RS and I met at Sports Basement probably a couple years ago now. We have a mutual friend RK. We were always a bit flirty-flirty, but he was dating someone. When the new store opened in the Presidio we saw a lot more of each other. I eventually learned he had broken up with his long term girlfriend about 6 months before. We had talked about going to Black and White Ball together so he had gotten my number. In typical guy fashion he never used it. No biggie. We'd still joke when I was in the store and give each other shit. So, the first time we actually hung out is when he called me and the pot incident occurred. So we hung out that night, watched a movie and had a bottle of wine. At the end of the evening as he was walking me out one of his neighbors stopped by to talk to him about Visa issues. RS also does Visa lawyer work type stuff. Yes, that's the technical term. So anyway, this guy needs to talk to him so I say I'll just take off. RS ends up shaking my hand.

Wtf? I thought it was hilarious. I don't think I have ever had anyone shake my hand at the end of anything that wasn't a business function. It still makes me laugh to think about it. I talked to our mutual friend about it who was laughing his ass off as well. So last night when RS called me I asked if he was going to shake my hand at the end of the evening again. I just couldn't resist slagging him about it. It turned into a much longer conversation about it than I had anticipated. At one point he said, "Well, I'm dating someone. What am I supposed to do?" That was an interesting bit of info I didn't know, but also separate from the point of my ribbing. I finally had to explain it to him this way. "You have female friends right?" "Yes." "Ok, so when you hang out with them, do you shake their hand at the end of the evening?" "Well...no." "Ok, when you have someone you have the potential to date, do you shake their hand at the end of the evening?" "Ok, I see where you're going with this. My bad." I think he thought he had offended me by it. I tried to explain it hadn't offended me, it just entertained me. Oh well, some of the jokes are just for me.

Anyway, I digress. So I went over to his place to fix his computer. It took a while and a few tequila shots, but we eventually got it working. While I was there the conversation was interesting and entertaining. Essentially it boiled down to the fact that he would like to date me, but (like me), is a serial monogomist and had started dating this other chick. I think they've been dating for about a month and a half or so. I just have to laugh because I'm like, ok, you tell me you want to date me, but you had my number for ages and didn't use it. You knew where I was. Where's the disconnect coming in? You're 35 years old. At what point do y'all get it? Men, can't figure 'em out.

Once I had fixed his computer he asked what shoe size I wear and pulled out this pair of Brooks Trail Runners for me to try on. I tried to convince him that he didn't need to give me anything, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. So I got home around 1am and now have a brand new pair of trail runners. Well, a new pair of trail runners and another guy who's taken telling me he's interested. At least one of the two is useful. :-)

Apologies, I know this entry isn't up to my usual standard of entertainment. However, just needed to get all my thoughts out into the world.

This moment of silliness was brought to you by the letter S and the number 35.

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Imaginary Friends

I just had a sudden thought.

Have internet friends become the adult version of imaginary friends?

Hey, what do you expect when it's 10:00pm and I'm finishing up work?

This random thought was brought to you by the letter and the number . (use your imagination)

Is It Possible?

Due to a very long IM conversation with 'P' on Monday night, I have been pondering one of the classic questions that has haunted us for generations. No MB, I'm not referring to the lint in my naval or if you fart in the woods and no one is around to smell it, does it still smell.

No, this question comes down to interaction between men and women. Can men and women really be friends? I have always held to the belief that they can. P argues (at least I think he does. He was one bottle of wine into the conversation) that men and women cannot. So I decided to take a survey. You, dear readers, get to share your thoughts on this topic.

Can men and women really be friends?

Monday, October 10, 2005

A Case of the Mondays

This day has just been kicking my ass. I had an interview with a NZ recruiting firm at noon today. Last night I went to Kinkos and printed my resume on some nice resume paper. Being the responsible person, I left them in my car so I would be sure not to forget to bring my resume to work. Good plan, right?

Well, it was a good plan until I was almost to work this morning realizing that I had driven a friend's convertible to work instead of my car. SHIT! I actually had the disk w/ my resume on it with me so decided to find another Kinkos. Called a couple buddies who I know have used them before. Though they had each been there, no one could tell me how to get there. "Oh, it's off El Camino in SSF. Well, it may be Colma...in a shopping center with a Barnes & Noble." Yeah, that narrows it down. So I cruise up and down El Camino looking for this place. Finally call another friend who looks it up for me. Man these guys were on crack - not anywhere near El Camino.

Ok, I'm at a Kinkos. Good stuff. The place I went in SF last night I just handed them my disk and he printed the two copies on the paper I wanted. Not so at this place. No, I was forced to deal with Mr. I Hate Being in Customer Service Even Though It's My Job. I had to go to one of their self-service computers, use my credit card for the $.20/minute charge to print it. Then I had to take it back to the service desk to get the right paper and then copy it. Frustrated as I'm already SO late for work, I head over to the computers. Well, the first one I try the card reader isn't working. So my card gets stuck in the machine. I finally figure out how to pull it out. Neither of the other open computers are working. Lovely. So finally someone finishes checking their email (do they realize there are cheaper places out there?) and I get a machine. I print the resume (of course the printing charge is put on my credit card) and then get to stand in line....again...at the service counter while Mr. I Hate Being in Customer Service rolls his eyes the entire time he's helping the 85 people in line in front of me. Ok, that may be a slight exaggeration - maybe only 5 people in line in front of me. He was rolling his eyes the entire time though and letting out dramatic sighs that would have made Barbara Streisand proud. No, I don't know where I pulled that out of either.

Anyway, finally another guy comes up and helps me and just copies the resume for me. I paid my $1.33 and took off. Made it into work around 10am. Oops! Especially since I had to leave at 11:40 to make my interview and didn't get back until almost 2:00. Double oops. Oh well, I'll just work late tonight.

When I got into work I had to call Luxor cabs to check with their lost and found department. Yours truly left her digital camera in the cab she took to a wedding on Saturday. You ready for this? You holding your breath? No, they haven't seen a digital camera in lost and found. Big surprise. Not only that, this is the only time I've actually put my additional memory cards in the camera case so I've now lost everything. Well, I do have the extra battery, but that doesn't do much good when there's nothing to put it in. I'm so mad at myself! We were totally running late and dashed out the door for the cab. Got to the church at the time the wedding was supposed to start so again just dashed out of the cab. Didn't even realize it was gone. The worst part is I can't blame anyone but myself. Argh! I've put a posting on craigslist in the hopes that some good Samaritan will have found it. However, considering it was Fleet Week and everyone and their brother was in town...what are the odds? Oh, and I lost an earring at the reception. Just batting 1000.

I'm reminded of the little prayer I learned as a kid whenever something was lost:
"Dear St. Anthony, please come round. Something's lost that cannot be found." Yes, I'm 5. Get over it. So far it hasn't worked. I'm not giving up hope yet though.

When I'm in a better mood I'll tell you about the weekend and also NC/SC.

This moment of idiocy was brought to you by the letter I and the number 95.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

It's A Small World After All

I know y'all have been waiting for my tales from the trail from NC/SC. There was so much blogging fodder I haven't had time to process it all. I promise I will get to it...sometime.

In the meantime, here's a little story of what happened yesterday. *insert Wayne's World flashback sequence here*

So there I was at work, slaving away on my data validation tasks and generally being bored out of my mind. All of a sudden I get an IM from an old friend L who used to work at my company back in the EY days. In fact, L was my "peer advisor" when I started w/ the firm. Basically someone who had been there for a little bit and could show you the ropes and look out for you. L and I quickly became friends. She left the firm not quite a year ago. We've spoken sporadically since then. I was pretty excited to get an IM from her. We were catching up and then she asked me if I knew this girl SL who used to work for our company. Instantly the warning bells went off in my mind.

I worked with SL on a project for hp back in 2003. This chick was absolutely useless. She was a staff consultant and to be honest, I'm not sure how the girl ever got out of school. She had a serious entitlement issue. When the Steering Committee would have a meeting, she would somehow expect the information to be told directly to her...and her first. Ummm...sweetie? Let me explain the pecking order to you. Steering Committee - VP - Sr. Mgr - Mgr. - Sr. Consultant - and then you. Notice how there's no one below you? It was embarassing at times to have her in front of the client. She had meltdowns in front of them. In fact, there were times where the client simply refused to work with her. She never understood the entire process or the big picture of the solution. A couple of us (her team lead and myself) tried to coach her along. She eventually tried to get her team lead in trouble b/c he finally came down on her case when she just wasn't getting it. I would come in on weekends to help her team lead b/c she was so useless. SL was always off shmoozing w/ people she didn't need to interact with instead of doing her job. When she wrote her Engagement Performance Update, you would have thought she had done the entire project herself. She claimed to be an expert in all these areas, but if you asked her a basic question she would have no idea. Every project she was ever on at my company she was rolled off of early. I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

After she was fired from my company, she somehow landed a contracting job at HP. With the same group we had worked with on the project no less. Apparently they had forgotten what it was like to deal with her. Within 2 or 3 weeks she had already received a warning. They eventually fired her after a few months. Sometime last year she had applied for a job at Genentech and the person hiring asked me if I knew her. I told them to run the other way screaming.

So, anyway, I respond to L by saying very cautiously, "Yes....why?" Well, apparently they hired her a month ago at the company where L works. L had been one of the people interviewing her, but does not work with her now. Apparently L had tried to find me online, but I wasn't so she didn't get to talk to me about it before the decision was made. Poor girl. The conversation goes on and she asks my opinion. I laid it on the line for her (I know you are all shocked!). Then she starts quoting to me from her resume. SL claimed she was a Project Manager at HP, "Lead deployment project of a B2B Procurement Solution between HP and its global supplier. Cycle time reduced by up to 75%, operating efficiency improved by 40%. Provided visibility of material availability, and accelerated collaborative procurement decision-making between global partners in multiple time zones. Interface with extended program teams. Manage internal and external resources providing content knowledge and leadership. Present to HP internal organization and its global trade partners on B2B procurement business process, RosettaNet PIP standards and B2B XML messaging requirements."

I will say, this chick can write! She's got some mad skills at that. Mad being the operative word. I will also say she lives in a freaking fantasty world. Reminds me of the last guy I dated - pathalogical liar.

About this time I start IMing my buddies who also worked on that project with us. One was her team lead. Another one actually works for HP. Apparently her new company never checked references. They were just floored like I was. Of course we were also laughing our asses off. This chick just doesn't quit. My buddy at HP said they had to hold her hand the entire time.

Then L tells me that SL had mentioned that during her time working with me she may not have been at her best due to personal reasons. I fell out of my chair at that point. I told L that anyone who worked with her at my company would tell her the same thing, as would anyone at hp. So then I asked L if she wanted some quotes from other folks who had worked with her. She said yes so I started copying and pasting our IM conversations. L decided she was going to follow up with SL's manager and see how things were going. She also asked for my email address so if they ever interviewed anyone from my company again she could contact me. I'm waiting the results of that conversation.

SL never even mentioned on her resume she was a contractor. We're not talking about an inflated resume here. We're talking about flat out lies!!!! Does she not get just how small this world really is? Does she really think she can get away with it? Part of me started to feel guilty about slamming this girl. Then I realized that kharma is a bitch and frankly, she deserved it.

There are two types of people in the world - those that think they are God and will craft their resume toward whatever the job entails making them sound like gurus when they know squat and then there are the folks who downplay their work and only put things down if they truly know them, not if they have a little bit of knowledge around them. I guess I fall in the latter category. That's why I struggle when writing my Engagement Performance Updates. "Describe what you did on this project." Ummm...my freaking job? I went from Point A to Point B in the allotted timeframe to ultimate client satisfaction. Along the way I wanted to shoot 5 people and just pull everyone else's head out of their ass. Any questions?

Somehow that doesn't go over well. :-)

So anyway, I was (and still am) floored by this chick. I just don't understand the thought process. Her lies have caught up with her everytime, yet she continues to do it. Oh well, hopefully one day she will learn.

Oh, and apologies to all - I know how damn catchy that freaking song is. If it's in your head for the next several hours, well, I dunno, beat me up the next time you see me. Or just start singing it to me so it will be stuck in my head again.

This venting session was brought to you by the letter D for Disney and the number 2 since today is my 2 year anniversary at this client.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

The Eagle Has Landed

I am pleased to say that Storm Watch 2005 has ended. Tropical Storm Flow decided to hit land early Sunday morning. Winds are still strong and rain is torrential at this point. It is believed that being delayed for over 3 weeks has caused a great increase in the amount of precipitation one would normally expect from such a storm.

Though buzz missed the mark by more beverages than I can count (or remember), he's the only one who guessed so I suppose he still wins. What would you like as your prize?

This weather update has been brought to you by the letter F and the number 7.