It's A Small World After All

I know y'all have been waiting for my tales from the trail from NC/SC. There was so much blogging fodder I haven't had time to process it all. I promise I will get to it...sometime.

In the meantime, here's a little story of what happened yesterday. *insert Wayne's World flashback sequence here*

So there I was at work, slaving away on my data validation tasks and generally being bored out of my mind. All of a sudden I get an IM from an old friend L who used to work at my company back in the EY days. In fact, L was my "peer advisor" when I started w/ the firm. Basically someone who had been there for a little bit and could show you the ropes and look out for you. L and I quickly became friends. She left the firm not quite a year ago. We've spoken sporadically since then. I was pretty excited to get an IM from her. We were catching up and then she asked me if I knew this girl SL who used to work for our company. Instantly the warning bells went off in my mind.

I worked with SL on a project for hp back in 2003. This chick was absolutely useless. She was a staff consultant and to be honest, I'm not sure how the girl ever got out of school. She had a serious entitlement issue. When the Steering Committee would have a meeting, she would somehow expect the information to be told directly to her...and her first. Ummm...sweetie? Let me explain the pecking order to you. Steering Committee - VP - Sr. Mgr - Mgr. - Sr. Consultant - and then you. Notice how there's no one below you? It was embarassing at times to have her in front of the client. She had meltdowns in front of them. In fact, there were times where the client simply refused to work with her. She never understood the entire process or the big picture of the solution. A couple of us (her team lead and myself) tried to coach her along. She eventually tried to get her team lead in trouble b/c he finally came down on her case when she just wasn't getting it. I would come in on weekends to help her team lead b/c she was so useless. SL was always off shmoozing w/ people she didn't need to interact with instead of doing her job. When she wrote her Engagement Performance Update, you would have thought she had done the entire project herself. She claimed to be an expert in all these areas, but if you asked her a basic question she would have no idea. Every project she was ever on at my company she was rolled off of early. I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

After she was fired from my company, she somehow landed a contracting job at HP. With the same group we had worked with on the project no less. Apparently they had forgotten what it was like to deal with her. Within 2 or 3 weeks she had already received a warning. They eventually fired her after a few months. Sometime last year she had applied for a job at Genentech and the person hiring asked me if I knew her. I told them to run the other way screaming.

So, anyway, I respond to L by saying very cautiously, "Yes....why?" Well, apparently they hired her a month ago at the company where L works. L had been one of the people interviewing her, but does not work with her now. Apparently L had tried to find me online, but I wasn't so she didn't get to talk to me about it before the decision was made. Poor girl. The conversation goes on and she asks my opinion. I laid it on the line for her (I know you are all shocked!). Then she starts quoting to me from her resume. SL claimed she was a Project Manager at HP, "Lead deployment project of a B2B Procurement Solution between HP and its global supplier. Cycle time reduced by up to 75%, operating efficiency improved by 40%. Provided visibility of material availability, and accelerated collaborative procurement decision-making between global partners in multiple time zones. Interface with extended program teams. Manage internal and external resources providing content knowledge and leadership. Present to HP internal organization and its global trade partners on B2B procurement business process, RosettaNet PIP standards and B2B XML messaging requirements."

I will say, this chick can write! She's got some mad skills at that. Mad being the operative word. I will also say she lives in a freaking fantasty world. Reminds me of the last guy I dated - pathalogical liar.

About this time I start IMing my buddies who also worked on that project with us. One was her team lead. Another one actually works for HP. Apparently her new company never checked references. They were just floored like I was. Of course we were also laughing our asses off. This chick just doesn't quit. My buddy at HP said they had to hold her hand the entire time.

Then L tells me that SL had mentioned that during her time working with me she may not have been at her best due to personal reasons. I fell out of my chair at that point. I told L that anyone who worked with her at my company would tell her the same thing, as would anyone at hp. So then I asked L if she wanted some quotes from other folks who had worked with her. She said yes so I started copying and pasting our IM conversations. L decided she was going to follow up with SL's manager and see how things were going. She also asked for my email address so if they ever interviewed anyone from my company again she could contact me. I'm waiting the results of that conversation.

SL never even mentioned on her resume she was a contractor. We're not talking about an inflated resume here. We're talking about flat out lies!!!! Does she not get just how small this world really is? Does she really think she can get away with it? Part of me started to feel guilty about slamming this girl. Then I realized that kharma is a bitch and frankly, she deserved it.

There are two types of people in the world - those that think they are God and will craft their resume toward whatever the job entails making them sound like gurus when they know squat and then there are the folks who downplay their work and only put things down if they truly know them, not if they have a little bit of knowledge around them. I guess I fall in the latter category. That's why I struggle when writing my Engagement Performance Updates. "Describe what you did on this project." Ummm...my freaking job? I went from Point A to Point B in the allotted timeframe to ultimate client satisfaction. Along the way I wanted to shoot 5 people and just pull everyone else's head out of their ass. Any questions?

Somehow that doesn't go over well. :-)

So anyway, I was (and still am) floored by this chick. I just don't understand the thought process. Her lies have caught up with her everytime, yet she continues to do it. Oh well, hopefully one day she will learn.

Oh, and apologies to all - I know how damn catchy that freaking song is. If it's in your head for the next several hours, well, I dunno, beat me up the next time you see me. Or just start singing it to me so it will be stuck in my head again.

This venting session was brought to you by the letter D for Disney and the number 2 since today is my 2 year anniversary at this client.