I'm Watching Dolphins at Work!!!

So here I sit, on a conference call watching a pod of dolphins jump and play in the harbour outside my window. My life does not suck!!! Thank you Mother Nature!!

This moment of awe and joy was brought to you by the letter D and the number 6.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire,

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something,

for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations,

because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge,

because it will build your strength and character

Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach your valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary,

because it means you've made a difference.

It's easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are

also thankful for the setbacks.

Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,

and they can become your blessings.


Happy Thanksgiving to All

This moment of gratitude was brought to you by the letter G and the number 10.

Where's BH - Volume 6

Greetings dear readers and welcome to the latest edition of Where's BH. I know it has been some time since my last update. Rather than apologising (look, I'm learning how to switch my letters!), I'm just going to say that from now on there will most likely be a decent passage of time between my updates. Ah yes, it's all about managing expectations.

Right then, now that you know what to expect, grab a cuppa and settle in.

Special thanks to Karryn for sending me a card. Real mail rocks!!

It is now officially less than one month before I return to the US on holiday. I'm even more excited than I thought I would be. It's going to be wonderful to catch up with friends and family again. The itinerary is as follows:

Dec 18 Depart Wellington
Dec 18-23 San Francisco
Dec 23-31 Kansas City
Dec 31-Jan 2 San Francisco
Jan 2 Depart San Francisco
Jan 4 Arrive Wellington
Jan 5 Brandon (buddy from SF currently living in Tokyo) arrives for a visit
Jan 12 Back to the grind

Time in San Francisco is booked with things like Dickens Fair, hair cuts, catching up with dear friends, causing mischief…the usual. Time in KC is booked with being the coolest Auntie to my nieces and nephew, catching up with friends, seeing my horse, etc. I can't wait!!

So, what have I been up to you may ask? One of the neatest things I have done is a train pub crawl with the Hash House Harriers. We started in Palmerston North and went to Napier. One of the hashers works for the railroad so we had our own private 3 car train. About 120 of us went on the adventure. Most drove up on Friday night, but as I attended a Beltane festival that night at the Woolshed, I drove up early Saturday morning. Met the crew at the train station and hilarity ensued. It was great to hang out with some folks I hadn't seen in some time and to meet new people. We stopped at about a dozen pubs that day in addition to drinking while on the train. When we got to Napier we checked into the hotel. The beds were rather alluring at that point and I think we ended up with 3 of us in the single bed and about 6 in the queen bed for a quick nap and then went to the RSA for dinner. After, we intended to go to the hot pools, but got distracted by the All Blacks match. The next day we took the train back to Palmy with one stop along the way. I had a leisurely drive back along the coast and stopped at a couple beaches on the way to enjoy the sunshine. Luckily I had my camera with me and took some shots of the beauty. I need to play more with the camera to be able to do what I want (or I could just suck it up and upgrade to a digital SLR).

Oh, speaking of, I have finally been uploading photos! So many of you have been requesting them and I have been terribly delinquent. I've set up a Picasa account so from now on you can go here: picasaweb.google.com/annika.corley whenever you want your latest dose of BH, her antics and to see some of the gorgeous NZ scenery.

My buddy Matt (English guy) and I went to a Phoenix (soccer) match. There's a section of the stadium that is clearly filled with ex-pats. The chants and songs are magic and it's loads of fun. Naturally, we got our seats in that section and had a blast. I'm not a big soccer fan, but in that kind of crowd I love attending. Also got together after work with a girl I met at an Italian cooking class I attended. Her husband and another friend were there. It turned into an evening of laughter which I always love.

I went to a full moon celebration at the Woolshed a few weeks ago. This one focused on Mothers and I thought it appropriate since that's what I'm working on these days. (No, not becoming one, but dealing with the loss of mine) Ah yes, the universe always provides. I'm thrilled that I went as it was a good release for me and I gained some interesting insight into certain things.

A few weeks ago my flatmate Eddie had a couple friends of his over. The 5 of us spent the evening playing Cranium. I had never played that before, but it definitely provides some good laughs. It was a fun way to spend the evening.

I started a new eating plan a couple weeks ago that William sent to me. So far it is going really well and I feel far better now that I am eating healthy foods all the time. I've also been working out 4-5 days per week so that has been a good stress reliever. This past Sunday I was feeling a little guilty I hadn't made the gym. Around 5pm I went for a casual walk along the water and took my journal with me. As I was writing in my journal, my buddy Matt turned up and we went for a walk over to Oriental Bay and had our feet in the water. He then said, "Let's go for a quick stair walk." Silly me, I should have known then and there I was in for it. Quick background – Wellington has many, many hills. A lot of houses were built on the hillsides in a time when no one thought cars would ever be used. The other problem is that a lot of the planning was done in England by people who had no idea of the topography. So now you find "roads" that are really just foot paths because no road could be cut there. We went up Grass Street which is one of these "roads". When I say up, I mean UP. Nob Hill has nothing on this bad boy. There are some gorgeous houses tucked away back there and the views are incredible. We went up to the top and then around the other side of the hill and took the long way back down. It was a great adventure, but we decided we need to do it again with our cameras and when I'm not in flip-flops! My feet aren't too thrilled with me today, but it was great exercise!

Saturday was the Aro Street Fair in the park. They had multiple live bands and several of us met down there to play with our poi and various fire toys. No fire though as it was during the day. I got there first due to a friend's fiascos in transportation. There are some old Victorian houses right next to the area where they were set up. As I was looking around I thought to myself that I might as well be sitting in Delores Park or some park in SF. Really reminded me of home. The music was great and the crowd was fun. Some guy there had a golden retriever that was just gorgeous. I went over to play with the dog and ended up hanging out with those two for a couple hours. It was good fun. That night I went to my flatmate's Christmas party at a place called Havana. It's a great space and definitely a place I want to go to again. As the evening wore on the boys decided to go to Ivy which is a gay bar that opened recently. It was okay, but I tend to enjoy spending my time where I at least have a chance at some of the men in the room. :-)

Speaking of, I can't believe it is almost Christmas! I know all of you in the US are focusing on Thanksgiving right now, but I don't have that distraction. The oddest thing is that the weather is getting warmer as we get closer to Christmas. Though I'm thrilled I'm going to be spending my Christmas with family and friends, it's disappointing to think I'm missing out on warm weather! I want to have a Christmas tree this year that just has jandals (flip flops) on it. Seems appropriate somehow.

I am off to Auckland this weekend for a friend's 40th birthday. It promises to be an impressive party. I was going to attend a Thanksgiving Dinner celebration hosted by the American Women's Network this Thursday. However, as I only get one free day a week on this eating plan, I decided to save it for Auckland rather than spend it on a meal that won't be as good as what I grew up with anyway.

Work (only because so many of you ask about it) is going well. Have been fairly busy which is nice. It looks like I will be spending a couple days per week in Auckland on a project for December and January. It's an easy commute so I can't complain. Plus, the project is more in-line with what I did in the past. It will be nice to have full confidence that I know what I'm doing. If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle them with …..

I'm looking forward to having some visitors. First Brandon is coming over. Niamhie is going to head across at some point. Oh, she and her flatmate Des had a brilliant idea of having a wall of fame in their flat. As they have now had two visitors (myself and then a friend from Ireland), they want each of us to pick our favourite photo of ourselves, blow them up, sign them and then put them in the post. I think it's genius and can't wait to see how they turn out! You can see photos from Sydney at the above link. My favourite photo was actually one Niamh took, but isn't in that list. For those of you on Facebook, it's my profile photo on there.

I've had some good conversations with friends back home recently. Skype is a beautiful thing – free computer to computer and $0.021/minute computer to the US. It's only $0.10/minute from my home phone so rates are pretty darn good with either option. Download it for free y'all!

My buddy Dylan whom I mentioned in the last update has not only moved to Wellington and has not only moved into my building, but has moved into the flat directly above mine. Stalker! :-) It's great to have him so close so we can hang out during the rare moments he isn't working at Weta.

The Christmas party season is starting. Weekends are about to get busy. I know, I know – like they weren't before?!

Okay, I'm sure there's more, but that's all I can think of right now. I hope everyone is well. I will get to see some of you very soon!!!

This update was brought to you by the letter C and the number 23 (days til I come home!)

Changes

Inspired by Promise's blog, I started thinking of all the changes I've been going through. Not just in my life, but in me. Sometimes it is difficult to look back and see how far I have come...hard to see the forest through the trees I suppose. It's a different perspective when you are intimately involved. It's easy to see the change in others...yet somehow harder to see it in the one we know best.

I'm happier now than I have been in almost 14 years. I didn't even realise I was unhappy then. Sure, there was sadness, but my life rocked. I had wonderful friends and tons of amazing adventures. Yet I was never settled. I was constantly searching for the next great thing. I tended to flit from here to there and never fully committed to anything - an activity, a person...myself.

The past two years I was blessed with even more close and amazing friends. Friends who are patient with me. Friends who let me be me, whomever that may be at the time - happy, giggly, sad, tearful, angry. They just absorb it all and provide a mirror when I need one. Existing in that environment has been more beneficial to me than I can express. Also my "healing" work (for lack of a better term) with William the past year and a half has been phenomenal. I have worked through and let go of things I didn't know if I would ever be able to. I have let go of so much fear, yet feel overwhelmed by the amount that is still present. In one session I was able to let go of more than most do in a lifetime.

I am just now starting to see myself as my friends do and starting to get an inkling of the power I truly possess. I can finally see how I shut down my sexual/sensual/feminine side for most of my life and how that has prevented me from getting what I truly want. It amazes me to be afraid of something so wonderful and so natural, yet I am. What is even more amazing is being able to heal the rifts within me, and not just within me, but in my mother's spirit as well. Turns out she had done the same thing I did with the sexuality...though maybe not quite to the same extent...for the same reasons - to be accepted by her parents in a Catholic household. I'm not bashing Catholics or Catholicism, I think the message is great. It's just sometimes the way the message is taught that doesn't work. Mom didn't know any better and how to do it any other way...so we are both healing. Somehow her healing is more important to me than my own and I am so grateful William is able to help her during this journey. It's also awesome to know both my parents are still with me even though they are physically gone from this world.

I find myself letting go of the guilt around things I should never have felt guilty about in the first place. I find myself understanding my emotions more and being able to deal with them in a healthy way. I now understand when I am cranky or grumpy that it really isn't about that current situation, but more about whatever I am working through and am (usually) able to act accordingly. I am now able to cry...in front of others...and not be completely bothered by it. That is massive for me! The girl who didn't cry for years and years and wasn't able to when her mom got sick because she had shut herself down so much after her dad dying, now allows herself to cry when she needs to and get comfort when she needs to. It's not perfect, but it's better. Being "brave" enough to ask for help when I need it is still a skill I am learning, but I am getting there.

I am acting more and more like a 5 year old these days, but in a good way. In a delighted by the world around me kind of way. In the ability to giggle at silly things and be playing kind of way. I'm noticing my sarcasm isn't as caustic as it once was and that I notice when it is and start searching for why that is coming out. I'm starting to like me...all of me - what I see in the mirror, what I examine internally, my actions toward others. There is still a long, uphill journey ahead, but I think it is wonderful I started the journey.

I feel truly blessed to be on this path. It's exactly where I need to be. Thank you to those who have stuck by me and continue to be by my side as I slowly emerge from my cocoon.

This moment of reflection was inspired by the letter P and the number 30.

Thunderstorms

I have always loved thunderstorms. We used to get the best ones growing up in the Midwest. During the summer, my brother and I would sleep out on our screened-in porch on the nights there was a storm and just lay there for hours listening to the rain on the roof and the thunder in the sky. The world seemed wild and I revelled in it. There was an electricity in the air (literally and figuratively) and yet it always brought a sense of peace and cleansing to me.

Nine years ago I moved to SF where thunderstorms rarely occur. Now I've moved to Wellington and thunderstorms occur rarely here as well. Today was a beautiful day, but this afternoon it has quickly turned into a thunderstorm. Not quite as good as the ones we used to get in the summer back home, but enough to make me a happy girl and take me back to some fond memories.

Roll on thunder and lightening, roll on!

This moment of childlike excitement was brought to you by the letter T and the number 1.

*Photo by Jay Mace at Utah Lake