I had a conversation yesterday with a friend where I stated that the word "friend" is overused on a regular basis. It has become a generic term applied to anyone you have met or with whom you have conversed. I hear on a regular basis, "You have so many friends."
On the contrary, I have a very few friends. I have tons of acquaintances, just very few friends. I'm okay with that. In fact, I consider myself lucky to have as many true friends as I do. The generic use that has been applied is not what friendship is to me. It's much much more.
I've been working on a lot of my own issues/problems/hang-ups/(insert your own term here) in the past year. It seems to be a lot of what I talk about these days with my friends as it is always in my mind. The work is hard. It is/will be rewarding, but it's not easy. I've probably cried more in the past 8 months than I have in 13 years. I've let go of a lot and discovered a lot I didn't realize I had. I've learned a lot about myself and what I like, what I need to fix and what I need to drop all together.
Last night I had a very open/frank discussion with a friend about some of my issues with a particular part of my life. He provided invaluable feedback on how I am perceived through the eyes of someone else. He has observed things that I haven't paid attention to or haven't put enough thought into the reasoning behind them. He opened my eyes in a lot of ways to things I need to be thinking about and working on. It was hard to take. Not in the "negative feedback I can't believe you're saying this to me" sort of way, but in the "oh my God he's right, how the hell did I ever let it get to this point" kind of way. It has led to a lot of introspection which I see continuing for some time until I get it figured out.
How lucky am I to have my eyes opened to these things? How lucky am I to have the willingness, strength and the ability to work on them? How lucky am I to have friends who love me enough to be honest and to help me on this journey? I am truly blessed.
That that friend - thank you. Thank you more than you will probably know.
To my angel - thank you for speaking to me through my friends when I seem unwilling/unable to receive the messages you try and give me.
I am truly blessed....and it's a good thing to considering my work is cut out for me. :-)
This moment of thought is brought to you by the letter F and the number 10.
