The Return of the Stalker

I have a stalker. I posted something on my blog about it ages ago. In fact, for anyone wanting to read the story, I'll put it at the end of this one.

Haven't heard from my own private stalker in quite some time. This morning my phone rang and it was a 951 number. Now that I'm working in LA, I figured it was one of my clients calling me at 8am. Turns out it was my stalker. Man, talk about not knowing how to back peddle out of that one when in a room full of people! Why is it folks don't get it when you are perfectly frank with them and tell them that it's never going to happen and they need to stop calling you? He generally calls once a month, but doesn't leave a message. Now this. ARGH! How do you get rid of someone when being brutally honest doesn't work?

Anyway, just needed to vent. Original story below from Dec 21st:

Private Stalker

It seems I have my own private stalker these days. Those of you who keep up with this blog will remember that I sometimes work Renaissance Faire. I can't remember whether I blogged about any of those adventures or not. In case I didn't, or to refresh your memory if I did, the final weekend of Northern Faire (mid-October) was interesting. Friday night I drove down to Casa de Fruta with BJ to meet up with PF. We did dinner at Casa de Food (like I could make up that name?!). While we were there PF introduced me to this guy Spanky (his faire name). Apparently he is in massage school and needs to practice on folks to get hours. She had gotten a massage from him and liked it so I figured what the hell? When we got back to our camp I went up to his camp for the massage.

He was pretty good. Certainly not the best massage I've ever had, but far from the worst. It was a lot better before his ego got out of control and he was touting his own work and how good it was, but such is life. At some point during the massage the girl who he was sharing a tent with wanted to go to sleep. The air mattress was in the same section of the tent as the massage table, but it was cool so she just laid down and went to sleep. After the massage Spanky and I were hanging out chatting outside the tent. He got my number for future massage. No worries. We went over to visit the horses used in the joust at which point he kissed me. I pointed out the fact that he had a girl in his tent to which he replied it was nothing serious. She had said the same thing earlier in the night. It'd been a while since I'd made out with anyone so I decided what the heck and we snogged for a bit. He tried to get me to share the tent with them, but I declined. Nice try buddy. I'm not here to fulfill your threesome fantasy.

We saw each other a bit the rest of the weekend, but I'd moved beyond my being horny stage so was over it. Figured that would be the end of it. Little did I know.

The guy is STILL calling me. I was polite at first and would return his messages. Our schedules never coordinated so we didn't ever actually talk. I figured when it became clear that we were never actually going to talk to each other it would be over. Never mind the fact that he lives down in Riverside! And the fact it would take me ages to get back to him. But no. He still freaking calls me. I've even left a message along the lines of, "Hey mate, it was fun and all, but I'm not interested." He still doesn't get it. It'd finally been a few weeks since I'd heard from him so I thought I was finally safe.

Sunday night I was checking my phone and who do I have a message from? You guessed it. This one, however, was priceless. "...I've been thinking a lot about why I didn't kick that other chick out of the tent that night. Well, I wanted to ask you when we actually spoke to each other, but since that doesn't seem to happen here goes. I was wondering if you want to spend a weekend in Vegas with me? I've got hotel reservations, tickets to the shows, I'll pay for everything. You don't have to do anything except show up. It'd be great to spend the weekend with you. Let me know."

I had to pull over to the side of the road I was laughing so hard. Does this guy actually think that after one evening - hell, not even an evening! - 30 minutes of making out I'm going to go away for a weekend with him? Could someone please help me build that bridge between those two events because I've tried, and I really can't. It'd be one thing if we had been dating, but we're not. We haven't even spoken in two months. Oh people entertain me! I guess it would be wrong to ask if I could go on the trip and bring someone else instead. Kidding! (about asking, not about it being wrong)

Any of you ladies out there want an all-expense paid trip to Vegas? I can guarantee you having a guy cater to your every whim and follow you around like a little puppy dog. Hell, he'll even call you for months after. Any takers?

Man, sometimes remaining single is a good thing!

This stalking moment was brought to you by the letter S and the number 1.