Bah Humbug?

I haven't posted for a bit, mainly because life is just ... well, life these days. Nothing terrible, nothing amazing, just fairly steady. I've been working Dickens which has been fun. Far less drama than last year and I'm in a much better headspace than I was last year as well. It's been fun modeling in the Dark Garden windows. I've had a blast working at 3 Crips pub. This past weekend I also finally worked Mad Sal's pub which was also loads of fun. Got to meet and (kindly) torment two gay boys with Garvey. Good times, good times.

Went shopping last night. The whole purpose of the excursion was to see if I am, indeed, down yet another size. I learned that it depends on the cut of the pants. Some were fine. Others, well, if I were a ho, I'd have no problem wearing them, but seeing as how I'm not, it's going to be a few more pounds off before I wear those in public. I did end up buying a shirt that was a size smaller so that was nice.

I'm starting to see myself having the issue of buying clothing that I did back in the days when I was fit. If I find a top that fits everywhere, it doesn't fit across the girls. You know how most women complain about losing weight in their chest? I'm not one of those. I don't lose weight there. Even when I was fit my breasts were this size. So I find a shirt that fits everywhere, but is too tight across the chest. Particularly those designed by men where they have the buttons placed in the wrong position so there's a giant gap right there. You don't want to buy the bigger size because it doesn't look good as it's too big on you, but you feel like a slut wearing the shirt that is too tight across the chest. Ah the joys of being busty.

I'm at a weird point with my body right now. It's getting smaller which is great. However, it's getting smaller in various places at a time, not evenly everywhere. I noticed this in the mirror last night when shopping. I feel like my lower belly is getting bigger these days. What (I think) is actually happening is just that the upper belly is getting smaller and so it makes the lower look bigger, even though it is probably the same size. It just sticks out more now that the things around it are smaller. It's kind of like being in a half size - the size up is too big and the size down is a bit too small. Don't get me wrong - I'm glad some parts are getting smaller. I just wish all of them were. It was nice to hear this past weekend when the owner of our mead supplier said to someone, "BH has lost a ton of weight since last year. Whatever you are doing, keep doing it."

Then there's Christmas. "The most wonderful time of the year." Not so much. At least not so much for me. There are several reasons:

1. I hate how politically correct our society has become. Now it's no longer acceptable to wish someone a Merry Christmas because it might offend. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? If someone wishes me Happy Hanukkah, I don't get offended. If you don't celebrate, great, that's fine, but it doesn't mean you have to consider me an insensitive asshole because I wished you good tidings.
2. Continuing from number 1, if you don't want me to wish you a Merry Christmas, you go to work on Christmas. Seriously, if you're that concerned about separation of Church and State, why do you get to take the day off? You don't celebrate it and despite what our society has turned Christmas into, it's a religious holiday.
3. I hate obligatory gift giving. I'm not one of those people who likes to buy gifts because I have to. If I see something I think you will like, I'll buy it for you and give it to you because I want to, not because it's your birthday or it's Christmas. I hate how this holiday has been turned into commercial hell.
4. And this is probably the main reason: Dad died Christmas night. It will be 13 years this year. I'm doing far better with it than I ever have, but it still sucks. It's great that my nieces (3 and 1) are excited about Christmas. It makes me happy to see their excitement. I don't want to be one of those "old and bitter" types. It's just hard for me when everyone around you is happy and there's a bit of a cloud hanging over your head. That's not anyone else's fault, just sort of the way I feel right now.

I'm trying to not be cranky around this time of the year. Most of the time I succeed. I'm just not yet in the Christmas spirit and so things like Christmas Carols drive me nuts. Then again, this morning in the shower I started singing Private Eyes so who am I to complain about taste in music? :-)

All in all, life is good and I'm far happier than I've been in a long time. Maybe it's the rain, maybe it's the time of year, maybe it's just life but things just sort of ... are ... right now and that's okay.

I know this isn't my typical blog. You'll be returned to your regularly scheduled programming shortly.

This moment of reflection was brought to you by the letter C and the number 13.