Terrible Decision

Many of you know that I grew up riding horses. We used to fox hunt (before you fly off the handle - our hunt never killed), event, show jump, dressage, etc. I rode and competed from the time I was 7 until around 19 or 20. It was a wonderful time in my life.

I got my horse MaGee (show name was Maximum Effort) when I was 13. He is exactly one month older than I. We taught each other so much and he was my best friend. He always knew what I wanted and was willing to do it. Lord knows he saved my ass multiple times in the hunt field.

After my father died, he was being kept on a friend's land about 20 minutes away. I was house sitting for them for a bit in January. One night I was out in the hot tub and incredibly sad about my father. MaGee came up to the fence and softly whinnied. Even though it was freezing outside, I went over to him. He just laid his head on my shoulder and let me cry. Then he moved up alongside the fence and I hopped on bareback, no halter, no anything. He slowly walked me around the pasture and just let me be. That probably sounds silly to non-horse people, but those who have had that kind of connection will understand.

When I was 19 or 20, the sister of our friend was in town with her two daughters. They live in Mississippi. Annie was 13 at the time and fell in love with him. Her mom called my mom to ask if there was any way Annie could have MaGee. It was a tough decision, but I was only home from school during the summers and Annie would be able to take care of him the way I used to. It was a hard goodbye, but off he went to Mississippi. She competed him for years as well and he was a happy boy.

Two years ago they wrote me to say he had developed allergies to the mold down there during the summers and would develop heaves. They always thought he would live out his days down there, but it was hard to see him so miserable during the summers. They asked if I had any ideas.

We ended up moving him back to Missouri to another friend's place. They have my brother's old horse as well. The two were back together and having fun being ornery in their old age.

I just received an email from Mary. Apparently most of his teeth are now gone (he is 30). He couldn't even eat hay. They put him on Equine Senior and with the spring grass he did really well. Now that it is summer and the grass is tough, he's dropping weight rapidly. They are increasing the amount of Equine Senior. As she wrote me, "We're thinking putting up a small round pen on the lawn, and letting him graze clover at nights, feeding senior morning and evening and leaving him with the others (where there's shade) during the day, which will last until the lawn dries up. The problem is that this is getting very expensive. I've been thinking for some time that Palo probably should be put down this summer--he just isn't comfortable in his old horse body, with one weak hind so has to lean on stalls at times, can't really get down to roll and get back up, etc. I hate to have MaGee put down as well, as he is basically sound and affectionate and still seems to be enjoying being a horse. And he could still be ridden, if we can get him out of his bony state. But with him needing more and more E.Sr. to eat, in addition to the usual horse expenses, I'm beginning to wonder. Your thoughts would be appreciated, as I still think of him as your horse. He's a great old fellow--sorry this isn't a very happy message."

I just don't know what to do. I can totally help with the expenses. The question is, how long does that help? What will he do during the winter when there's no grass whatsoever? Is it just delaying the inevitable? Starvation is a horrible way to go and not fair since we have options that keep him from suffering.

I'm at a loss and I hate this. What is best for my best friend? Who am I to make a life and death decision?

This moment of sorrow is brought to you by the letter M and the number 30.