Noise Complaints and the Police

Two weekends ago before the angel of death did her fly-by on me, I attended a bachelorette party. Before I go into the details, it's important to note that the only other person I knew that was going to be at this weekend was the bride K. I hadn't met anyone else previously.

Anyway, the organizers rented a house in Sonoma. It was a beautiful house! Perhaps I should say estate instead of house as the grounds were magnificent. Wouldn't it be nice to own a home where you can talk about maintaining the "grounds"? I digress...There was a fabulous pool in the rear of the back lawn along with a pump house which was essentially another apartment.

I left work at noon to head up to the festivities. Thanks to Yahoo! Maps it took me ages longer than it should have to actually get there. I finally arrive, or think I've arrived, but no one else is there. I tried calling the bride several times to see if they had just gone wine tasting, but to no avail. I had forgotten the number of one of the women organizing the thing so was forced to place a call to a buddy who went into my email account, pulled up the number and gave it to me. I rang S (not THE S, another S) to see if she had any idea. We established I was in the right place (damn Yahoo Maps) and she asked if I had tried the door. I informed her that adding a breaking and entering charge to my record wasn't something I had planned for that weekend. I prefer to save that for my own bachelorette someday. As it turned out the house was unlocked so I made myself at home, started making my appetizer for that evening's meal and then hung out in the sunshine by the pool until they returned. K and a few friends showed up from their wine tasting and then everyone else arrived. Everyone is in their early 30s and sporting some huge rock sans me. It was interesting sitting back and people watching as their lives are very different from mine.

All in all it was a fun weekend. Friday night we did a pot-luck dinner and played some silly games. One of those was taking the Dr. Seuss purity test. Now I've taken purity tests before, but wondered what on earth good old Dr. Seuss's take on it would be. The questions included - "Have you done it on a boat? Have you done it with a goat?" I had instant visions of Glib Gal's gay goats, but brushed those aside. Anyway, I was the most pure by a long shot. I think 11 of us stayed that night. Saturday we spent all day by the pool which was great. Some folks left, some more arrived. That night we went out to dinner at some restaurant in Sonoma. Then we headed back to the house and opened pressies. We then started an impromptu dance party.

Cue the doorbell ringing and an "officer" arriving to tell us about the noise complaint. Officer Josh, your friendly neighborhood stripper, had dropped by for a routine. I must say, he was one of the better looking strippers out there. The man waxes....everything. The whole effect was ruined for me by the wedding ring, but hey, what can you do? He stayed for a couple of hours and had some pretty impressive moves. He does do his job well and isn't one of the creepy ones out there. A lot of male strippers are just nasty. He also does not have a "no touching" policy which several of the women in attendance enjoyed immensely. After the body shot he would dance a bit w/ whomever had done one. The best move of the evening - he had this one tiny Irish woman up around his waist. W/o any hesitation he throws her up onto his shoulders. Nice! The man even managed to pick me up around his waist. That is just impressive. Anyway, for the finale we had our choice - $50 for R, $65 X or $80 for XXX. As people were throwing their remaining money together, L finally shows up and chips in. L had conveniently disappeared during the rest of the show so wasn't forced to do the body shots the rest of us were. Well, she throws her money in and suddenly we have $90. Uh oh.

Let's just say I don't think we took full advantage of the XXX. I'm pretty sure there could have been a lot more that went on than what we saw. Still, it had downgraded into some bad B porn and we were ready for it to be over. After he left everyone was agreeing on the story that would be told to their Significant Others. I had to chuckle smugly as that's something I don't have to worry about. K, however, threatened to hire Officer Josh for my going-away party when I move to NZ. Not so sure what I think about that one. I think ~13 of us stayed Saturday night.

Sunday was spent cleaning up as we had to be out by noon. It was really interesting to watch the dynamics. Here you had a bunch of women in their 30s (sans me). You could tell who had been raised that you help out cleaning up and who hadn't. There were a couple women who sat their and read their Vanity Fair or some other crap magazine while the rest of us busted our asses to clean the place. That kind of stuff kills me. I'm paying the same amount they are so why is it okay for me to clean but not okay for them? An interesting social experiment waiting to happen by some PhD candidate I'm sure.

All in all it was a fabulous weekend and I met a bunch of fun women. It'll be nice to know a few more people at the wedding in a couple weeks. Now I just have to figure out what to wear since it's black-tie. The trials and tribulations of being a woman.

This moment of nudity was brought to you by the letter J and the number 2.