On Down the Drain

What is it with odd stories involving toilets these days? Here's the latest and greatest: Read here or you can read below.

Alleged outhouse spy gets fine only

NORTH CONWAY, N.H. — A Maine man arrested for peering at a teenage girl at a rest-stop outhouse pleaded no contest to criminal trespass, and a judge urged him to seek help for whatever drove him to climb into the waste-filled toilet. Gary J. Moody was given a 30-day sentence that will be suspended if he maintains good behavior for two years.

In exchange for his plea, disorderly conduct charges against Moody will be dropped, as well, if he stays out of trouble.

Moody, 45, of Pittston, Maine, was arrested on June 26 after a 14-year-old girl reported hearing a noise and then seeing a face looking up at her from the pit toilet on U.S. Forest Service property in Albany.

District Court Judge Pamela Albee cited Moody's public humiliation in choosing not to send him to jail.

"This gentleman has been subject to a great deal of media scrutiny and drawn to himself, should I say, notoriety. And a healthy share of bathroom humor, if you will.

"This is a person who deserves some compassion," she said.

She also fined Moody $1,000 and ordered him to pay $700 restitution. The Forest Service spent $700 pumping out the toilet tank because Moody claimed he was trying to retrieve a wedding ring that had dropped into the toilet.

The waste from the tank was pumped through a screen but no ring was found.

Moody was on probation in Maine after being convicted of operating under the influence in June 2004.

Moody, who declined to comment after Monday's trial, is due in court in Maine on Nov. 8 to answer charges of violating terms of his probation by leaving the state and committing a new crime.

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I'm having flashbacks to Trainspotting. This guy claims he was trying to retrieve a wedding ring. Having never been married, I'm not fully qualified to comment. However, I believe I'd rather have my husband purchase a new ring than lower himself into a toilet to try and find it. Or, since the park was willing to pump it out anyway, why not just talk to the park rangers instead and have them do that? Yes, I know, it was his crappy (pun slightly intended) cover story, but come on, you can do better than that!

Now let's get to the judge - "This is a man who deserves compassion." No lady, actually, he doesn't. He's a man who needs some serious help if he's willing to sit at the bottom of an outhouse for a quick glimpse at some girl's privates. I've heard of golden showers, but this is ridiculous. Yuck!

This was brought to you by the letter P and the number 13.