Mr. Biggelsworth

Apologies for the delay in giving everyone the details of my Thursday night insanity. I was at the Betty Ford Rehab Hash in Palm Springs, CA and just got back Monday night. Before any postings around that adventure, I figure since so many folks are asking for details I'd let y'all know how it turned out. RC and GR - stop reading now. Otherwise don't blame me for any visuals you may have.

Thursday was the designated day of torture. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! I left work and headed to my appointment at Bella Pelle in Union Square. Once I checked in they handed me a glass of red wine. Awesome! Just what I needed. I had gone through about half the glass when my esthetician came out and got me. Let me preface by saying that I love this girl. She's cool as hell and we always have hilarious conversations.

She left me for a few minutes to undress and use the baby wipes to make sure everything is all nice and clean. We started w/ the eyebrows which is no big thing. Same as we've been doing for many months now. About the point I'm relaxed she says, "Ok, it's time." Drat. There went the blood pressure.

What no one tells you when you get a brazillian wax is that you really need to be a yoga master. Oh sure, it starts off in the usual butterfly position as you do for the extended bikini. Ok, a little extra pain, but nothing all that bad. Sweet. Starting to relax as we chat away. Then you have to practically put your leg behind your ear, but off to the side so they can get the angle right. Let me just state for the record that though I am flexible, I'm not that flexible. This is the point where she starts taking every last bit of hair from all the really sensitive areas. Especially up close to the top. Yowsers! That whole breathing through it thing is for the birds. Man, if I ever have children I am SO going for the epidural.

My favorite bit was as I was laying there trying not to yell she says, "You really should try taking Aleve or Ibuprofen about an hour before you come in." I said, "Information that would have been useful to me an hour ago." Don't you teach your phone people to share that information w/ the newbies? Crikey!

Just when I thought my esthetician couldn't get to know me any better, I hear these words, "Ok, now lay on your side w/ your back to me and use your hand to spread apart your cheeks." Talk about feeling self-concious and exposed. I asked her if this was her least favorite part of the job. Apparently they just become desensitized to it and it's no big thing. She compared it to a gynecologist. I guess there is an actual gynecologist who comes in and gets brazillian waxes done. This woman said, "I guess our jobs are pretty similar." I told my esthetician, "No no. That's when you say: I see your vagina and raise you an asshole."

Ok, I think I'm funny. Luckily so did she. There's something really wrong about laughing as someone is ripping hair out of your backside. That part wasn't painful though.

She did leave a tiny little triangle of hair at the top (in the front you sickos). I think she was trying to be kind. At that point what's ripping out a little more hair? If I haven't hit you yet, it sure isn't going to happen now.

All in all, it really wasn't as bad as I expected. I will definitely be using the ibuprofen in the future. I have to say I like the results. It's like a constant surprise and a good one at that! For those of you who have considered it - try it. But be sure to go to a good place to get it done. Certain things are worth spending a little extra cash to have done.

People have said they are addicting. I always thought they were full of crap. There's no way an experience like that could be addicting. Yeah, you bet your ass I'll be in there in a few weeks getting it all done again. I'm enjoying Mr. Biggelsworth and he may have to stick around for a while.

This hairless moment was brought to you by the letter B and the number 1.