Knowledge is Power

I spent the 4th of July with some friends up at the Delta. A friend rents a house up there right on the water and about 7 or 8 of us went up for the weekend to hang out on the water in the sunshine. Took the ski boat out, drank a lot of alcohol, etc. It was a great weekend.

The Delta is always an interesting place to people watch. It is full of white trash. However, it's white trash with money, which is the worst kind. I've decided that in the Central Valley, instead of buying kids cars when they turn 16, they buy them boats. (For the record, I was never bought a car or a boat when I turned 16!) The ski boats these kids, and I do mean teenagers, were in are AT LEAST $60,000 and that's before they put in the sweet sound systems they all have. Everyone is covered in ink. You need at least 5 tattoos to even begin to fit in. Most of the guys are on steroids and have "great" ink like Christ on the cross with a Jesus balloon head above it across their back or "Sick for Life" written across the chest. And they all wear trucker hats, smoke and listen to rap.

So, we're up there hanging out, having a good time. One of the guys who also rents the place had a few poker buddies come over. We were all drinking and having fun. Then we went out to some bar which was a great people watching place as well. After, we went back to the house and hung out. Off the back deck are steps which lead down to the dock. There's a gate by the steps. I was standing by the gate and one of the poker friends, J, came up the stairs and said, "Is there a toll?" I said, "Two dollars. I want my two dollars." Then I said, "Name the movie." For those of you who don't get the reference, it's a quote from Better Off Dead. Well, J could quote from the movie, but couldn't think of the name. He requested more time to think about it so we went and sat on the dock while he struggled with it. J kept asking for hints. Despite all the hints I gave him, he could not remember the name of the film.

At one point he asked, "Well, do I get a prize if I guess it?" I reminded him that this had been the toll for him to actually get through the gate, back into the house. He kept stating that he should receive a prize for guessing. I finally relented and said, "Fine, what do you want?" He replied with, "You know what I want." I was forced to tell him that actually, I had no clue. Does any woman really and truly know how the male mind works? I think not. So he finally said, "Well, I want a blowjob." Once I finally stopped laughing I was able to spit out (no pun intended), "Yeah, that's not going to happen." Leave it to a guy to go straight for the blowjob. There are all these stages in between, but no, men always have to go right to the heart of the matter. I then jokingly told him I'm sort of an old-fashioned girl and generally just start with a kiss. I'm not sure he understood the sarcasm.

Needless to say, he went home unfulfilled that evening. The next morning the friend who rents the place had to drive back to her house as she had misplaced a $10K check. No one else knew that I had slept in one of the rooms upstairs. No one could find me. I ended up with a voicemail from them asking where the heck I was. When I finally rolled downstairs everyone had assumed I'd left with J the night before. Though I was flattered they thought I had gotten laid, I also thought they were idiots.

Later that day I was recounting the story to my friends. Everyone was getting a good laugh. Then I realized, oh my gosh. Not only am I cool enough to know the name of this film, my movie knowledge also allows me to give blowjobs! How lucky is that? Knowledge really is power.

I think my new pickup line should be, "Hey, I know about Better Off Dead" with a wink and a nudge.

Things that make you go hmmmmm.