The World Through My Eyes

Beervana 2010

2010-08-29T19:38:00.001-07:00

Beervana 2010 at last has come to an end. Four sessions across two days - 12-4 & 5-9 both Saturday and Sunday. Over 40 brewers to chat with and discuss their techniques. Over 170 different NZ craft beers to taste. Some phenomenal, some very drinkable, some rubbish. There were also informative sessions throughout - a beer and food matching session with Neil Miller (beer writer and someone I'm lucky enough to know) and Martin Bosley (top NZ chef), a talk by Sam of Dogfish Brewery about how he got started, a beer and cheese matching, etc.

I volunteered the first session which was fun. While I knew some of the brewers already, I met a lot more. Got to help them get setup, get pouring and generally keep them going throughout. The rest of the time I was to be pouring for the Yeastie Boys and 8 Wired Brewing at the Beer NZ booth. Unfortunately, they ended up having way too many folks to help. Even Stu (brewer for the Yeastie Boys) couldn't make it behind the booth. Fortunately, that meant I spent most of the rest of the sessions tasting. Ran into lots of friends and made some new ones.

Friday night some new friends came back to mine for a few beverages. The last one left my place at 8:30 Saturday morning. Gotta love the Irish. Of course, I love them more when they aren't selfish lovers, but that's another story for another time.

As you can imagine, Saturday was a long day. I finally had to sneak away in the last session for a nana nap. I was too exhausted to continue. You know when you get that cold clammy sweat going? Yeah, time to give myself a break. Felt like a champ after my nap and headed back. We finished cleaning up a bit after 10pm. Everyone kept asking me to go out for a few drinks after. For once in my life I made the smart decision and decided to go home instead. So I stopped by the pub to say farewell to everyone and then went home. Grabbed some food, took a hot bath and then went to bed. Slept for about 11 hours which was beautiful.

Woke this morning and went to my favourite coffee shop. Managed to get all but four clues in the crossword which was pretty satisfying. Have spent the rest of the day on the couch watching dvds. Is 8pm too early to go to bed? :-)

Time to recover before next year's Beervana.

This moment of pleasant exhaustion was brought to you by the letter B and the number 40.

I Have a New Claim to Fame!!

2010-05-13T03:31:00.000-07:00

Sorry to gush, but I am super excited. For those who don't know, 8 Wired Brewing is a craft beer maker based down in Marlborough (the South Island for those non-Kiwis). The brewer, Soren, (yes, we're on a first name basis because that's how I roll - ha!) recently brewed a new beer. He created an Amber/Red Ale, but didn't know what to call the new brew. He started a wee competition to see who could come up with the best name for his new beer. (story here: http://8wired.blogspot.com/2010/04/spur-of-moment-beer-spur-of-moment-blog.html) I spent about 2 minutes thinking of options and threw out a few suggestions.

Today they announced the winner - yours truly!!!!! No, really, I did! Proof here: http://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=120842687945440&id=157213909512 I never thought I'd actually name a beer that is going out to market. So, keep your eyes peeled for some 8 Wired "Red Dwarf" on the shelves of your favourite bottle store.

I never had this on my "Things to do before I die" list, but I'm now adding it and crossing it off. :-)

This moment of total awesomeness was brought to you by the letter A and the number 32.

Letting Go

2010-05-09T02:49:00.001-07:00

Today I went to the water to weep. Sometimes I go to the water to laugh, to shout, to vent my anger and frustration. Today I went to weep. My emotions are conflicted and the only current solution is to cry. To cry and to let go instead of the usual cry and hold on. It's time for that pattern to change. A recent quote I came across was, "Letting go is love. Holding on is attachment."

I got an email from K today (William's partner). She asked if I had any plans to come home this year as their wedding reception is going to be in late August. The email was incredibly kind and thoughtful. I knew they had talked about getting married. I didn't know it was moving ahead.

It seems odd to have heard it from her and not Will. I know he's away at a retreat, but it still seems strange. It's weird he hadn't told me before. I am truly thrilled for them. It's wonderful they are getting married. Yet, I find myself sad and wistful at the same time. Not the kind of heart hurting, can't breathe sadness. Just...sadness. I guess it truly is the end of any hope I held onto for the two of us. The end of an era in a way. The end of our romantic love and any possibility of that blossoming. While I wouldn't change the work we have done together the past three years for anything, it's hard to say goodbye to that kind of connection. While that connection never goes away, I think it now shifts instead.

I'm truly grateful for knowing I can have that kind of connection with someone. That is awesome! Now I just need to find it with someone else. To do that, I need to let go of this one. I just need to cry it out...cry it all out and send it off into Mother Ocean, off into the air...to set it free.

Tonight I took a hot bath and lit three "Miracle" candles given to me by a dear friend several years ago. I did my own ritual and let of go of my attachments, not just to Will, but all those things I have held onto for too long - people, fears, my weight which I have hidden behind for years, all of it.

Letting go is love. Holding on is attachment. I choose to no longer be attached, but I weep for the loss.

This moment of conflict was brought to you by the letter L and the number 3.

Shiny Toy Guns

2010-03-01T15:09:00.001-08:00

Today's mood is best described using someone else's words:

Turn to Real Life by Shiny Toy Guns:

Eyes are magic
See right through me
Makes me feel like
A girl in a fantasy
Turned to real life
Stars in the morning
Makes me feel like
A girl in a fantasy
Turned to real life...

Now i'm glowing
Like a sunset
In the window
Of my dreams...
That turned to real life
I'll never forget when
For the first time--
A girl in a fantasy
Turned to real life

Chorus
Makes me feel like
A girl in a fantasy
Turned to real life
I'm a believer
For the first time
I can be beautiful
A girl in a fantasy
Turned to real life

Your fingers running
Over my body
Makes me feel like
A silver angel
Under the moonlight
Right beside me
Makes me feel like
A girl in a fantasy
Turned to real life...

This moment was brought to you by the letter B and the number 2.

Made of win!

2010-01-21T01:40:00.000-08:00

I went rock climbing tonight for the first time in a year and a half. It was amazing. I sucked, but it was amazing. It felt so good to be back up on the wall again. The aching hands, the blown out forearms - oh how I missed thee!

In other news, have now had 3 dates (with the same boy!) and a 4th one tentatively planned next week. I'm pretty sure that's a new record down here. It's different this time - I'm just completely relaxed about it all - no freak outs, no wondering if he's going to ring, no wondering what this may or may not be...just enjoying the ride. Such a nice place to be. I've cleared out a lot of old thought patterns/habits/etc from my brain recently. I feel like I have all this free space now and I'm liking being in that space. Now I get to fill it with positive things instead of negatives.

All in all, life is good and I am very blessed.

This moment of joy was brought to you by the letter R and the number 1.5

I'm an Auntie Again!

2009-12-21T01:39:00.000-08:00

I proudly announce the next installment of Auntie Anna:

Samuel Jack was born 17 December, 8lbs 12 oz, 22" long. Mom and baby are doing well. Saw the cutest pictures today of his 3 older siblings taking turns holding him. I only wish I could meet him at Christmas. :-(

So excited to be Auntie Anna to another!

This moment of joy was brought to you by the letter N and the number 4.

So excited!!

2009-11-03T15:03:00.000-08:00

The Sparkle Stallion arrives for a visit in less than 24 hours!! So excited I feel like Tigger I'm bouncing so much.

A bad photo of him after his fire conclave performance at Burning Man:

Yay for friends visiting!!

This moment of joy was brought to you by the letter S and the number 1.

A little extreme

2009-10-03T17:50:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was week 3 of the Spring Racing Series. The morning was gorgeous - sunshine, maybe 15-20 knot winds. We thought we were finally going to have a decent day of sailing. We went out about noon for the 1:10 start. Wind kept picking up and continued to do so throughout the afternoon. We were out in 40+ knot steady winds. The highest someone saw on their wind indicator (when they happened to be looking rather than holding on) was 52 knots. Not to mention the swells that went over 2 meters high. We hit 10.6 knots at one point in our little MRX (~24'). We eventually brought down the head sail as we were overpowered despite it being a storm jib and having a double reef in our main and decided to call it quits. Bringing the head sail down was interesting as well as when we got it down, someone took off the halyard before we had it down the hatch and didn't hold onto the sail. It started going back up so then there were 4 of us up front trying to get her down. At one point we were all under water from the swells and someone was half out of the boat under the life lines. Interesting. The problem with heading back in was to get back into port required us to head directly into the swells. Despite going almost 6 knots, we weren't getting anywhere. Required the use of the motor full blast and the main to get anywhere. While foul weather gear is great, when the spray is that high, it just comes down inside the neck so everything was soaked.

While I'm all about challenging myself and going outside of my comfort zone, all I can say about yesterday was (excuse my French), "Fuck that!". I have never been as grateful to be on dry land as I was. After a few beers at the yacht club, took a hot bath with a dram of whiskey, said a few prayers of thanks for being alive and took a long nana nap. I'm still beat!

Crazy, crazy wind out in these parts!

Where's BH - Volume 7 (the back issue!)

2009-09-21T14:42:00.000-07:00

Greetings dear readers,

Just when you officially thought I had fallen off the face of the earth, I come back to life. You just can't keep a bad penny down! Apologies for the lengthy delay between my last update and this one. I've received incredible amounts of (well-deserved) grief from many of you. Of course, some of you are also mad enough to think I should compile these into a book or travel journal. It's good to know I continue to make crazy friends! :-) Actually, I've decided I should really write a book about my "dating" experiences in New Zealand. I think this stuff is funny, but it'd be a whole lot funnier if I weren't involved! However, I'm getting ahead of myself. I will try and sum up the past 9 months without turning this into a novel.

Grab a cold one or a nice cup of tea, tuck yourselves in and prepare to catch up on the past 9 months of my life. Wow, long enough to have a child! Don’t worry though, nothing happening on that front with this Corley. My brother, on the other hand, is a different story. He and his wife are expecting #4 just before Christmas. I get to be Auntie BH a fourth time. Yay! Actually, this update will probably only cover 7 months as I’ll save my trip home for another email.

December/January - I had a wonderful trip back to San Francisco and to Kansas City. Managed to catch the last weekend of Dickens Fair and do a Dark Garden window with Tanya and Laurie. We did the Three Blind Mice and were a rousing success. It was wonderful to catch up with so many friends. Time at home with the family was amazing. I can't believe how much my nieces and nephew have grown (and continue to do so). The girls are finally old enough now that I was able to continue Uncle Jack's tradition. When John and I were children and Uncle Jack would come in town for Christmas, we always had one day where it was our day. We could go where we wanted, do what we wanted, eat and drink what we wanted. Then UJ would bring us back home bouncing off the walls on a sugar high, grin and wave at my parents and go stay at grandma's. Well, unfortunately I don't have grandma's house to escape to, but I did take Isabella and Kate to Chuckee Cheese for the first time. It was a great day! We even went ice skating that evening which produced about as many laughs as you would expect. I spent New Year's Eve in San Francisco with some dear friends and flew back to Wellington, arriving 4 January. On 5 January my friend Brandon who is currently living in Tokyo came to visit. We hopped in a car and drove up to Rotorua to hang out with a bunch of hash (house harrier) friends. We went luging, zorbing, did the giant swing, found a "locals only" part where a hot stream and cold stream meet. You get to essentially pick your spot in the river to control how warm you want to be. It was a lovely trip. Returning to work was difficult.

I also got to see my horse Magee while I was home. He has been in the wonderful care of dear friends Fred and Mary Worman. It was my last visit with him as at the age of 31, he had no molars left and couldn’t chew so it was difficult to keep weight on him. Other than that, he was sound as could be and happy as. It was great to be able to say goodbye to him. I got the email from Fred and Mary later in January that Magee had been put down. I was a bit gutted as he had been a part of my life since I was 13, but I know he is in greener pastures and that he had a long and happy life. I can’t thank Fred and Mary enough for their wonderful care of my boy!!

February – There were three events I wanted to attend in NZ: 1. Sevens rugby tournament in Wellington, 2. NZ Nash Hash and 3. Kiwi Burn (NZ’s version of Burning Man). 52 weeks in a year, and they all chose the same weekend! Foiled again. I decided to attend Nash Hash as it only happens every other year. Flew up to Rotorua and had a grand weekend of shenanigans. Even managed to get some unexpected fire dancing in on Saturday night which was a treat. I think it surprised the natives that a Yank knows how to fire dance. Cuba Street Carnival was also this month which is similar to Haight Street Faire. It coincided with a Harley Davidson convention so the town was hopping. Festivities included a parade which we were able to watch from our balcony. We had a few friends over to ours rather than fighting the crowds and watched from there. We eventually did go wander the streets as well.

March – I volunteered along with some other hashers at the Weet-Bix triathlon which is a kids triathlon. It was a lot of fun and cheering for the kids was fantastic. Ended up working the bike course. The kids were great, the parents left something to be desired at times. All in all a great day. I also took a sailing racing skills course which started the end of March. It had been some time since I had sailed, so decided to take the course. Royal Port Nicholson (ooo posh) Yacht Club holds a variety of courses and you can only get on the crew list once you’ve taken one of their classes. It was a lot of fun. They say if you can sail in Windy Welly you can sail anywhere. After some of the sessions we’ve had on the water, I believe it! I also started helping out with a women’s rugby team here in Wellington. The club is called Old Boys University and fields a large number of teams. Rugby here is so different – all clubs have club houses, changing rooms, showers, a physio, etc. Quite different from having to pick needles off King Field in university before playing!! We would have killed to have what these guys take for granted.

April – I continued the sailing course during April. We were blessed with some pleasant days, and some rather crazy days as well. 30 knot winds were pretty common. Over Easter, I booked a last minute trip down to the Marlborough Sounds. I couldn’t find anyone to go with me, so just went by myself. NZ gets Good Friday and Easter Monday as holidays which is rather entertaining in a secular country, but I’m not complaining! I caught the ferry over to Picton on Saturday. It was a beautiful crossing and got to watch some dolphins play alongside the ship. I stayed at Lochmara Lodge (http://www.lochmaralodge.co.nz/) which was about a 20 minute water taxi away. As we pulled in, the sun was shining, a guy was playing his guitar in the garden and life was beautiful. I took a kayak out for a paddle around and explored a bit. That night I ate dinner at the lodge which was fantastic. You can book private half hour sessions in the spa pool so booked that at 10pm before going to bed. The next morning I got up early and went for a hike up the Queen Charlotte track. It’s about an hour hike up to the track from the lodge. I then hiked up to Hilltop Lookout. There were some stunning 360 degree views – not a cloud in the sky, the water just a surreal shade of blue…a real slice of heaven on earth. After enjoying some time there I met up with 4 people and hiked back down with them. I had some time to relax in the garden after the hike, including a nana-nap in a hammock in the sunshine. I then had a massage in my room (hey, if I don’t spoil myself, who will?) and later dinner at the lodge again. Followed, naturally, by another 30 minute session in the spa pool under the moon and stars. I woke up early the next morning and took a kayak out again. I was the only human around for about an hour and a half. Saw all sorts of schools of fish, some seals, various birds, etc. A great time to just enjoy nature. There was also a rope swing at the lodge over the water which was tons of fun. I think the kids were impressed an “old person” also wanted to swing with them. Then it was time for a quick shower and headed back across on the ferry. I definitely need to go back and spend more time there.

A mate of mine, Colin, (an Englishman who has been here for years) held a St. George’s Day dinner. When he emailed on Wednesday the week of saying offerings of English vegetables would be gladly accepted at dinner Saturday night, I wrote back and said, “So I should put the pot on to boil now and they’ll be ready by Saturday?” I decided to take “New” England pumpkin pie instead. It’s the first time I’ve made pumpkin pie with fresh pumpkin which I steamed. It was amazing!! The dinner was a fun mix of people and we had some very interesting conversations.

I also spent a couple weeks in New Plymouth for work. As I have a couple hasher friends (Wantie and Rigid) there, they took me around town and showed me all the fun spots which was so much nicer than just exploring on my own.

May – (sheesh! Only up to May? Bear with me!) In May I went down to Hanmer Springs in the South Island with a bunch of hash friends (WENDY, Toyboy, Jeeves, LGFM, Nipl and Angela [Nipl’s friend from the US]). We rented a house at the base of the mountains and walking distance to the spa pools. It was luxurious! Far too much hilarity ensued that weekend. We eventually made it back to Christchurch where we stayed with Dagy and Fingers for the night. The whiskey was brought forth and you can imagine the rest of the evening.

Later that month was my birthday. I’m used to having outdoor birthdays – the weather is always gorgeous and I’m a nature kind of girl. This whole birthday in the Southern Hemisphere/winter birthday thing is for the birds! The weather was absolute rubbish – pissing rain, windy and cold the entire time. However, we still had a blast. Some friends came out for drinks at a bar called Alice – it’s an Alice in Wonderland themed place. They even serve some drinks in tea cups. We then went dancing at Boogie Wonderland which was right next door. It was a lot of fun. The next day I foolishly had invited far too many people to brunch and had about 18 people say yes. I made mom’s breakfast soufflé (well, lots of batches of it!) and grandma’s muffins. An interesting note about muffins – Kiwis tend to put lots of things in their muffins. When I say lots, I mean LOTS. It’s like an entire meal in and of itself – chorizo, rocket, cheese, tomato, capsicum, etc. I had forgotten that initially and wondered why everyone kept asking what kind of muffins I was making. “Ummm…just muffins…when they come out of the oven, put some butter and jam on them and you’ll be sweet as.” When the second round came out, I thought I was going to burn some hands there was such a clamouring for them. Apparently they liked them. Good to know Gram hasn’t lost her touch. :-) It was awesome to get so many phone calls and emails from friends back home on my birthday as well! My friend Carol also sent me a sock monkey (not a euphemism) to keep my flying monkey (again, not a euphemism) company which rocks! They are quite happy together in their monkey bliss.

June – At the end of May/beginning of June I went to NOMAD which is a “back to basics” Hash House Harriers weekend. This year it was just outside of Taumaranui in the middle of the North Island. Jeeves, LG, Tree Top, Twiggy and I hired a camper van. We decided to road trip up on Thursday. We met WENDY, Toyboy and After Five along the road. It was a beautiful drive up and we stopped in all sorts of random places – including by the Giant Carrot. Who doesn’t want their photo taken with a Giant Carrot? I ask you. We also stopped at the Speights House for a pint along the way. We decided to take some photos outside and yours truly left her purse on the rock outside. I remembered a few kilometres down the road. Good old NZ, it was still sitting there waiting for me when we got back. The weekend was loads of fun and a great chance to catch up with folks. Unfortunately, I was fighting a cold, but still had fun and luckily some good friends helped nurse me. Oh, and apparently since people had raved about my muffins (note – not a euphemism), I was requested to bring them along on the NOMAD weekend as well. So, I brought all the ingredients and we had muffins with breakfast one morning. They were a hit again. Thanks Grams! By the way, photos of this trip and others mentioned above can be found here - (If any of you on this blog actually want to see photos, comment and I'll send you a link. Otherwise, not throwing it out there to the world)

After arriving home from NOMAD on Monday night, I hopped a plane Tuesday morning to Melbourne for work for 3 weeks. We had a client there and they wanted someone with more of a consulting background rather than a risk background. Yours truly fit the bill so I spent 3 weeks in Melbourne. It was nice as I was working with a great team and the work I was doing was a lot closer to the work I used to do. I got to hash several times which was a lot of fun. Also finally met Cass – we have numerous mutual friends, but had never met. She and I bought some hilarious hats from a street vendor (she got a koala hat and I got a strawberry hat) which we (naturally) wore when we went to the art museum. Somewhere along the way I had dropped it out of my hand in the museum. A gentleman had picked it up, handed it to someone who worked there to give back to me. I heard him say, “I saw her wearing it when she walked in.” Yes, I really am 5 years old. Did any of you doubt that fact? It was my first time in Melbourne and I really enjoyed the city. It’s very easy to get around and has tons of great restaurants and shops. Cass and I went to see Wicked while I was there which was fantastic! I love the book so was glad I finally got to see the stage version.

I flew directly from Melbourne to Christchurch for Winter Camp (another hash event). Man, I am so easily conned into things! I even gave up my tickets to the All Blacks vs France match that weekend in Wellington for this. Another fabulous weekend and way too much laughter.

July - The Winter Racing Series also started in June/July. I missed the first two weekends due to Melbourne, but made the last two. We had some crazy days on the water – 40 knot winds with gusts up to 45 knots. Definitely lets you know you’re alive when out there. Fun times, but really glad to be on dry land too! Line 7 which is a NZ manufacturer of sailing clothing, bags, etc is sadly going out of business. The nice thing is they were having an amazing sale (60% off) so I got some awesome foul weather gear for super cheap. They have 3 ranges – inshore, offshore and ocean. I wanted either inshore or offshore. I managed to get the trousers in that, but they were sold out of the jackets in those two. I went down to their store here in town and all they had was the ocean range as well in the jackets. These things normally run $1000, but I got it for $400 which is cheaper than the other two when not on sale. So I got a screaming bargain and a kick ass coat which has kept me nice and dry since!

We also had a farewell for WENDY and Toyboy who decided to go play around Europe for the next 18 months. I kept trying to get them to adopt me and take me with them, but alas, no luck. The farewell was at Xerox and Knick’s place in Rotorua. I road tripped with Jeeves, LG and Culcha. The weekend was a rousing success as you can imagine. There was also an All Blacks/Wallabies match on that night. Drawing numbers for a drinking game during that match was evil! Good times and great company. I was also added as a “Bastard Skwad in Training” member which is quite an honour. I hope one day to become a full fledged member, but they are definitely keen on making me earn my dues. :-)

Whew, okay, I think that covers a good seven months which is probably more than any of you wanted to read in one sitting. I would carry on with my dating adventures, but I think I will save that for another edition which isn’t quite so lengthy. Trust me, they are worth waiting for (though I’m still trying to decide just how many of those I actually want to share with such a large list of people).

I hereby solemnly swear to try and be better about sending updates in the future. It is not lack of thinking of all of you, just lack of actually making the time to write. I hope all is well with you and stay tuned for another instalment of Where's BH shortly!

Much Love from the Kiwi,
BH

A Fantabulous Weekend

2009-09-20T16:50:00.000-07:00

I'm back in Palmerston North for work. This week it's only today and tomorrow. Luckily the sun is shining and I'm still in my post-weekend glow.

Friday night I went with Piotr (a kid at work who is based out of Auckland, but here with us in Welly for 3 months) to Southern Cross as a swing band was playing. P does Ceroc and I do Lindy, but we had fun anyway. He's keen to learn lindy so I hooked him up with where I used to take lessons out here. Made me want to get back into it so looks like I'll be back taking some classes as well.

Saturday was the first day of the Spring Racing Series. In true Wellinton form, it was windy as. Actually, it was probably only around 25 knots with 30 knot gusts. It's funny when that is somewhat tame. We couldn't fly the kite as the spinnaker pole was broken (which we discovered when we got on the boat), but it was a fun day in the sunshine. It left me wondering - is it wrong that I can almost catnap during 30 knot winds while waiting for the next tack?

After coming off the water, we had a beer at the yacht club. Then I made it home for a quick shower and met up with Ying. She's a PA in our Sydney office. She's originally from Manchester and was in town for the match. We went to the All Blacks vs Wallabies match. My seats were amazing - right along the try line, first row. Prime view of everything. The ABs won 33-6 and played really well. A great match. We then went to Molly Malone's for a few drinks after. There we met up with a Scotsman and 3 other folks from England. I was surrounded by Poms! Left Molly's around 1:30am. My back was already sore from sailing so I drew a hot bath. Woke up in the tub around 2:30am. At least it was still warm so I couldn't have been asleep that long.

Sunday I was supposed to have a skype session with my family, but they didn't show. Went to Floraditas for brunch with Eddie. Then got a text from Willem he had a free ticket for me for the Phoenix match. Met up with those boys at The Thistle Inn for a beer before the match. It was a fun afternoon in the sunshine. Had a good chat with Niamh over in Sydney that evening. Then I met up with Brian (what is it with me and knowing Poms??) for a later dinner/catch-up session.

I'm exhausted today, but happily so. I love that spring is in the air and even though it's not altogether warm outside, it's getting better! Sunshine makes me a happy girl.

This fantastic weekend was brought to you by the letters A and B and the number 1.

Spring is in the air

2009-09-16T02:29:00.000-07:00

I'm up in Palmerston North for work right now. Yesterday was cold and rainy. Not so nice for the girl who has recently come from the desert. However, today I took my lunch and ate it outside.

Spring is definitely here. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the flowers were blooming, the bees were buzzing and pollinating, the smell of spring and freshly mown grass was ripe in the air - and for a brief moment, all was at peace in the world.

And I? I am grateful I had the opportunity to notice and took the time to do so.

This moment of recognition is brought to you by the letter S and the number 2.

Pondering

2009-05-26T02:18:00.000-07:00

Life has been interesting lately. I'm questioning everything. Losing two friends in four days to cancer didn't help.

This move to New Zealand has helped foster some great spiritual development. I'm finally at the crux of whatever it is that is keeping me from getting what I want. I don't know what that is yet, but to finally be in contact with "it" is phenomenal.

I had an interesting chat with a dear friend last week. Someone whose friendship means so much to me and who has helped me along this path. We don't speak often, but we always do at just the right times. Our conversation got me wondering -

Am I really already the person I want to be and I just haven't recognised it in myself?

Stay tuned while I figure out the answer...though my current hunch is Yes! Actually, Hell Yes!

This moment of pondering was brought to you by the letter F for friendship and 32 for my birthday coming up this Sunday.

How to Change Habits?

2009-02-16T12:56:00.001-08:00

Yesterday, I was working out in the gym. It was a weights day which I love. I had done the leg press and my calf raises and started to unload the weights I had off the leg press. As I was carrying them to wherever they were being stored, this gorgeous man asked if I wanted help. I was so taken aback I looked at him blankly and said, “What?” He said, “Would you like me to get the remaining weights for you?”

Me, being me, automatically replied, “Oh, no, I’m okay mate. Thanks though.” Then I added, “Unless you feel the need for that much more of a workout?” He said, “No, just thought I’d see if you needed any help.” It wasn’t until about 30 seconds later when I realised just how dumb I really was!! I mean, here was this hot guy talking to me and offering to help and instead of accepting it gratefully, I instantly went into tough-girl-I-don’t-need-help mode. WTF? By then he had finished his workout and left. Le sigh.

On one hand, at least I realised it 30 seconds later. That might be a new record for me. On the other hand, le sigh. Why are old habits so hard to break??

This moment of palm meeting forehead is brought to you by the letter A and the number 13.

I'm Watching Dolphins at Work!!!

2008-11-27T13:30:00.000-08:00

So here I sit, on a conference call watching a pod of dolphins jump and play in the harbour outside my window. My life does not suck!!! Thank you Mother Nature!!

This moment of awe and joy was brought to you by the letter D and the number 6.

Happy Thanksgiving!

2008-11-26T15:51:00.000-08:00

Be thankful that you don't already have everything you desire,

If you did, what would there be to look forward to?

Be thankful when you don't know something,

for it gives you the opportunity to learn.

Be thankful for the difficult times. During those times you grow.

Be thankful for your limitations,

because they give you opportunities for improvement.

Be thankful for each new challenge,

because it will build your strength and character

Be thankful for your mistakes. They will teach your valuable lessons.

Be thankful when you're tired and weary,

because it means you've made a difference.

It's easy to be thankful for the good things.

A life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are

also thankful for the setbacks.

Gratitude can turn a negative into a positive.

Find a way to be thankful for your troubles,

and they can become your blessings.

Happy Thanksgiving to All

This moment of gratitude was brought to you by the letter G and the number 10.

Where's BH - Volume 6

2008-11-24T21:40:00.001-08:00

Greetings dear readers and welcome to the latest edition of Where's BH. I know it has been some time since my last update. Rather than apologising (look, I'm learning how to switch my letters!), I'm just going to say that from now on there will most likely be a decent passage of time between my updates. Ah yes, it's all about managing expectations.

Right then, now that you know what to expect, grab a cuppa and settle in.

Special thanks to Karryn for sending me a card. Real mail rocks!!

It is now officially less than one month before I return to the US on holiday. I'm even more excited than I thought I would be. It's going to be wonderful to catch up with friends and family again. The itinerary is as follows:

Dec 18 Depart Wellington
Dec 18-23 San Francisco
Dec 23-31 Kansas City
Dec 31-Jan 2 San Francisco
Jan 2 Depart San Francisco
Jan 4 Arrive Wellington
Jan 5 Brandon (buddy from SF currently living in Tokyo) arrives for a visit
Jan 12 Back to the grind

Time in San Francisco is booked with things like Dickens Fair, hair cuts, catching up with dear friends, causing mischief…the usual. Time in KC is booked with being the coolest Auntie to my nieces and nephew, catching up with friends, seeing my horse, etc. I can't wait!!

So, what have I been up to you may ask? One of the neatest things I have done is a train pub crawl with the Hash House Harriers. We started in Palmerston North and went to Napier. One of the hashers works for the railroad so we had our own private 3 car train. About 120 of us went on the adventure. Most drove up on Friday night, but as I attended a Beltane festival that night at the Woolshed, I drove up early Saturday morning. Met the crew at the train station and hilarity ensued. It was great to hang out with some folks I hadn't seen in some time and to meet new people. We stopped at about a dozen pubs that day in addition to drinking while on the train. When we got to Napier we checked into the hotel. The beds were rather alluring at that point and I think we ended up with 3 of us in the single bed and about 6 in the queen bed for a quick nap and then went to the RSA for dinner. After, we intended to go to the hot pools, but got distracted by the All Blacks match. The next day we took the train back to Palmy with one stop along the way. I had a leisurely drive back along the coast and stopped at a couple beaches on the way to enjoy the sunshine. Luckily I had my camera with me and took some shots of the beauty. I need to play more with the camera to be able to do what I want (or I could just suck it up and upgrade to a digital SLR).

Oh, speaking of, I have finally been uploading photos! So many of you have been requesting them and I have been terribly delinquent. I've set up a Picasa account so from now on you can go here: picasaweb.google.com/annika.corley whenever you want your latest dose of BH, her antics and to see some of the gorgeous NZ scenery.

My buddy Matt (English guy) and I went to a Phoenix (soccer) match. There's a section of the stadium that is clearly filled with ex-pats. The chants and songs are magic and it's loads of fun. Naturally, we got our seats in that section and had a blast. I'm not a big soccer fan, but in that kind of crowd I love attending. Also got together after work with a girl I met at an Italian cooking class I attended. Her husband and another friend were there. It turned into an evening of laughter which I always love.

I went to a full moon celebration at the Woolshed a few weeks ago. This one focused on Mothers and I thought it appropriate since that's what I'm working on these days. (No, not becoming one, but dealing with the loss of mine) Ah yes, the universe always provides. I'm thrilled that I went as it was a good release for me and I gained some interesting insight into certain things.

A few weeks ago my flatmate Eddie had a couple friends of his over. The 5 of us spent the evening playing Cranium. I had never played that before, but it definitely provides some good laughs. It was a fun way to spend the evening.

I started a new eating plan a couple weeks ago that William sent to me. So far it is going really well and I feel far better now that I am eating healthy foods all the time. I've also been working out 4-5 days per week so that has been a good stress reliever. This past Sunday I was feeling a little guilty I hadn't made the gym. Around 5pm I went for a casual walk along the water and took my journal with me. As I was writing in my journal, my buddy Matt turned up and we went for a walk over to Oriental Bay and had our feet in the water. He then said, "Let's go for a quick stair walk." Silly me, I should have known then and there I was in for it. Quick background – Wellington has many, many hills. A lot of houses were built on the hillsides in a time when no one thought cars would ever be used. The other problem is that a lot of the planning was done in England by people who had no idea of the topography. So now you find "roads" that are really just foot paths because no road could be cut there. We went up Grass Street which is one of these "roads". When I say up, I mean UP. Nob Hill has nothing on this bad boy. There are some gorgeous houses tucked away back there and the views are incredible. We went up to the top and then around the other side of the hill and took the long way back down. It was a great adventure, but we decided we need to do it again with our cameras and when I'm not in flip-flops! My feet aren't too thrilled with me today, but it was great exercise!

Saturday was the Aro Street Fair in the park. They had multiple live bands and several of us met down there to play with our poi and various fire toys. No fire though as it was during the day. I got there first due to a friend's fiascos in transportation. There are some old Victorian houses right next to the area where they were set up. As I was looking around I thought to myself that I might as well be sitting in Delores Park or some park in SF. Really reminded me of home. The music was great and the crowd was fun. Some guy there had a golden retriever that was just gorgeous. I went over to play with the dog and ended up hanging out with those two for a couple hours. It was good fun. That night I went to my flatmate's Christmas party at a place called Havana. It's a great space and definitely a place I want to go to again. As the evening wore on the boys decided to go to Ivy which is a gay bar that opened recently. It was okay, but I tend to enjoy spending my time where I at least have a chance at some of the men in the room. :-)

Speaking of, I can't believe it is almost Christmas! I know all of you in the US are focusing on Thanksgiving right now, but I don't have that distraction. The oddest thing is that the weather is getting warmer as we get closer to Christmas. Though I'm thrilled I'm going to be spending my Christmas with family and friends, it's disappointing to think I'm missing out on warm weather! I want to have a Christmas tree this year that just has jandals (flip flops) on it. Seems appropriate somehow.

I am off to Auckland this weekend for a friend's 40th birthday. It promises to be an impressive party. I was going to attend a Thanksgiving Dinner celebration hosted by the American Women's Network this Thursday. However, as I only get one free day a week on this eating plan, I decided to save it for Auckland rather than spend it on a meal that won't be as good as what I grew up with anyway.

Work (only because so many of you ask about it) is going well. Have been fairly busy which is nice. It looks like I will be spending a couple days per week in Auckland on a project for December and January. It's an easy commute so I can't complain. Plus, the project is more in-line with what I did in the past. It will be nice to have full confidence that I know what I'm doing. If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle them with …..

I'm looking forward to having some visitors. First Brandon is coming over. Niamhie is going to head across at some point. Oh, she and her flatmate Des had a brilliant idea of having a wall of fame in their flat. As they have now had two visitors (myself and then a friend from Ireland), they want each of us to pick our favourite photo of ourselves, blow them up, sign them and then put them in the post. I think it's genius and can't wait to see how they turn out! You can see photos from Sydney at the above link. My favourite photo was actually one Niamh took, but isn't in that list. For those of you on Facebook, it's my profile photo on there.

I've had some good conversations with friends back home recently. Skype is a beautiful thing – free computer to computer and $0.021/minute computer to the US. It's only $0.10/minute from my home phone so rates are pretty darn good with either option. Download it for free y'all!

My buddy Dylan whom I mentioned in the last update has not only moved to Wellington and has not only moved into my building, but has moved into the flat directly above mine. Stalker! :-) It's great to have him so close so we can hang out during the rare moments he isn't working at Weta.

The Christmas party season is starting. Weekends are about to get busy. I know, I know – like they weren't before?!

Okay, I'm sure there's more, but that's all I can think of right now. I hope everyone is well. I will get to see some of you very soon!!!

This update was brought to you by the letter C and the number 23 (days til I come home!)

Changes

2008-11-15T21:25:00.000-08:00

Inspired by Promise's blog, I started thinking of all the changes I've been going through. Not just in my life, but in me. Sometimes it is difficult to look back and see how far I have come...hard to see the forest through the trees I suppose. It's a different perspective when you are intimately involved. It's easy to see the change in others...yet somehow harder to see it in the one we know best.

I'm happier now than I have been in almost 14 years. I didn't even realise I was unhappy then. Sure, there was sadness, but my life rocked. I had wonderful friends and tons of amazing adventures. Yet I was never settled. I was constantly searching for the next great thing. I tended to flit from here to there and never fully committed to anything - an activity, a person...myself.

The past two years I was blessed with even more close and amazing friends. Friends who are patient with me. Friends who let me be me, whomever that may be at the time - happy, giggly, sad, tearful, angry. They just absorb it all and provide a mirror when I need one. Existing in that environment has been more beneficial to me than I can express. Also my "healing" work (for lack of a better term) with William the past year and a half has been phenomenal. I have worked through and let go of things I didn't know if I would ever be able to. I have let go of so much fear, yet feel overwhelmed by the amount that is still present. In one session I was able to let go of more than most do in a lifetime.

I am just now starting to see myself as my friends do and starting to get an inkling of the power I truly possess. I can finally see how I shut down my sexual/sensual/feminine side for most of my life and how that has prevented me from getting what I truly want. It amazes me to be afraid of something so wonderful and so natural, yet I am. What is even more amazing is being able to heal the rifts within me, and not just within me, but in my mother's spirit as well. Turns out she had done the same thing I did with the sexuality...though maybe not quite to the same extent...for the same reasons - to be accepted by her parents in a Catholic household. I'm not bashing Catholics or Catholicism, I think the message is great. It's just sometimes the way the message is taught that doesn't work. Mom didn't know any better and how to do it any other way...so we are both healing. Somehow her healing is more important to me than my own and I am so grateful William is able to help her during this journey. It's also awesome to know both my parents are still with me even though they are physically gone from this world.

I find myself letting go of the guilt around things I should never have felt guilty about in the first place. I find myself understanding my emotions more and being able to deal with them in a healthy way. I now understand when I am cranky or grumpy that it really isn't about that current situation, but more about whatever I am working through and am (usually) able to act accordingly. I am now able to cry...in front of others...and not be completely bothered by it. That is massive for me! The girl who didn't cry for years and years and wasn't able to when her mom got sick because she had shut herself down so much after her dad dying, now allows herself to cry when she needs to and get comfort when she needs to. It's not perfect, but it's better. Being "brave" enough to ask for help when I need it is still a skill I am learning, but I am getting there.

I am acting more and more like a 5 year old these days, but in a good way. In a delighted by the world around me kind of way. In the ability to giggle at silly things and be playing kind of way. I'm noticing my sarcasm isn't as caustic as it once was and that I notice when it is and start searching for why that is coming out. I'm starting to like me...all of me - what I see in the mirror, what I examine internally, my actions toward others. There is still a long, uphill journey ahead, but I think it is wonderful I started the journey.

I feel truly blessed to be on this path. It's exactly where I need to be. Thank you to those who have stuck by me and continue to be by my side as I slowly emerge from my cocoon.

This moment of reflection was inspired by the letter P and the number 30.

Thunderstorms

2008-11-06T18:09:00.000-08:00

I have always loved thunderstorms. We used to get the best ones growing up in the Midwest. During the summer, my brother and I would sleep out on our screened-in porch on the nights there was a storm and just lay there for hours listening to the rain on the roof and the thunder in the sky. The world seemed wild and I revelled in it. There was an electricity in the air (literally and figuratively) and yet it always brought a sense of peace and cleansing to me.

Nine years ago I moved to SF where thunderstorms rarely occur. Now I've moved to Wellington and thunderstorms occur rarely here as well. Today was a beautiful day, but this afternoon it has quickly turned into a thunderstorm. Not quite as good as the ones we used to get in the summer back home, but enough to make me a happy girl and take me back to some fond memories.

Roll on thunder and lightening, roll on!

This moment of childlike excitement was brought to you by the letter T and the number 1.

*Photo by Jay Mace at Utah Lake

Today Was a Good Day

2008-10-29T19:09:00.000-07:00

Today was (is) a beautiful day here in Wellington. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the wind isn't blowing at gale force...

I went out to grab a sandwich at lunch. Originally I was going to bring it back to the office, but after bantering with the guys in the shop I decided to walk the 5-7 minutes to the waterfront and eat it there. I popped down on a bench right near the far bridge you see here in this photo I took, quickly took off my shoes and socks and proceeded to eat in the sunshine and watch the water and the boats. After I finished I did a bit of meditation and soaked up a bit more sun. I'm now back in the office, happy to be working due to that brief respite.

Oh, and it turns out that working out again is making me a far happier woman than I have been. I've been processing too much and since I'm not getting any, need to keep things flowing somehow. Working out is turning out to be that somehow. Yay for feeling more myself!

This moment of sunshine was brought to you by the letter S and the number 30.

Something Everyone Should Read

2008-10-22T14:18:00.001-07:00

Regardless of your politics, this article is worth reading. Warning, it's long, but full of good information. I think this is very important.

www.nytimes.com/2008/10/12...licy-t.html

This moment of seriousness was brought to you by the letter F and the number 2008.

Where's BH - Volume 5

2008-10-19T18:07:00.000-07:00

Hello Dear Readers,

I know it has been ages since my last update. Apologies for that. Things have been super busy as you will see with the update below. So grab a cuppa, get comfortable and read away.

Where to begin? So much has occurred. I finally feel as if I am settling in. It took some time to realize that I wasn't just on holiday and would be going home soon. People here talk about the 3 month freak-out. Apparently after 3 months people go through a bit of a freak out and either decide to go back home or to stay. It's now been well over 4 months that I've been here (how did that happen?!) and I'm good to go so I guess I've made it past the hump. So what have I done in the past couple months?

I went to Rotorua to spend a weekend with Dave and Annie. It was wonderful to see them again! They actually live on one of the wee lakes outside of Rotorua. I drove up on a Friday afternoon and got there in time to meet up with a crew at the pub to head to the Auckland vs Bay of Plenty rugby match. Grass roots rugby sitting on concrete steps with kids running everywhere during the match - I loved it! Spent the next day with Paul and Nicola and finally got to meet their two children. That night I took Dave and Annie to a wonderful Latin restaurant. The food was heavenly and got me my Latin food fix which was awesome. I drove back on Sunday and was sad to go. I always enjoy spending time with Dave and Annie as they make me feel at home and I can just relax and enjoy. Thanks guys!

I went to the World of Wearable Arts show. My company had purchased a table to entertain clients and my boss' wife couldn't make it as she had recently had a baby. He asked me to go instead. It's essentially a fashion show that started about 20 years ago in Dunedin. It had continued to grow and grow so they eventually moved it to Wellington and it's now a week long show that lasts 2.5 hours. There were times where I definitely thought I don't understand art, but other parts of it were amazing! The piece that won was phenomenal - hand dyed and sewn leather mask, bodice and skirt with a train.

I've been up the Kapiti coast a few times to the Wool Shed. It's a great place that used to be an actual wool shed. It has since been converted into a home and meditation centre. A friend of mine has been giving a some talks up there a few weekends and it is just beautiful. It's located at the end of a dirt road on a farm surrounded by gorgeous hills, horses, sheep (naturally) and looks over the ocean to an island. There is a gorgeous garden in the front that follows a winding path. Both times I have been there the weather has been stunning and the sky and the ocean are an almost fake colour of blue.

I "had" to go to Sydney for training at the beginning of October. Yes, it's rough to be me. Unfortunately, I managed to get bronchitis before going. It was the oddest trip to a doctor I have ever had. I went in, told her my symptoms, told her one of the kids at work had seen her doctor that morning and had bronchitis and since I was leaving for Sydney the next day I wanted to get it checked out. We then chatted about how prevalent respiratory infections are, this that and the other thing. She then looked in my throat for 5 seconds and wrote me two scripts saying she thinks I have laryngitis and bronchitis. No taking of the temperature, no checking the ears and lungs, just throwing medication at it. Don't get me wrong, in this case I wanted drugs since I was travelling, but that's not normally how I operate.

Anyway, hopped a flight Wednesday afternoon. Let me tell you, joining Air New Zealand's Koru Club was the best money I ever spent. There's nothing like being able to relax in a comfortable environment with a hot cup of tea instead of sitting at the departure gate feeling miserable. A colleague and I took a cab to the hotel upon arrival. We were staying at the Sheraton on the Park which was quite posh. My room was phenomenal! Okay, so was the bathroom which, you know me, was really the key piece. Met up with Niamhie (that's Neve for you who don't know how to pronounce it) that night for dinner. Then we were joined by her flatmate and another friend for some drinks. Don't worry, I was only drinking water. Thursday was all day training. The training was rather useless for me as it was geared to people who had just been promoted to Manager. Considering I've been a Manager for a few years, it wasn't relevant, but was a good networking opportunity. That night was our big dinner and dancing. A group of us went out to Ivy after. Apparently Ivy is THE club in Sydney. I was there with a couple Scottish guys, three French guys, a guy from Estonia and a couple Aussie girls. We had a fun time, though it was an odd night – in addition to being hit on by two different men, I was also hit on by two different women. Random. Friday was more training and then Niamhie came, picked me up and took me to her awesome apartment in Balmain for the weekend. We ended up taking a late Nana nap as I was exhausted so by the time we went for dinner, hardly anything was open. She took pity on me and after dinner we just headed back and went to bed. I slept for about 10 hours and it did me a world of good! Saturday we went for a great breakfast in Balmain and then took the ferry over to Manly and spent the afternoon on the beach. Niamhie is officially the worst Irish woman I have ever met – she was all bundled up because it was "cold" at 27 degrees (C) and I'm rolling around in a skirt and tank top because it's the warmest weather I've encountered since moving down here. That night she took me to an awesome dinner at Coast and then we did a bit of a pub crawl along the harbour. We finally headed home around 3am, in theory to go to sleep. Turns out her neighbour one floor down was also out on his balcony so we ended up chatting with him for ages. I tapped out around 4:30, but think she lasted til 5:30. Sunday was a lie-in day for sure. Niamhie cooked us an amazing Irish breakfast and then we just spent the afternoon on the balcony soaking up the sun. It was 30 degrees! I was sad to head to the airport and go back to Wellington, though the weather was at least decent.

This past Friday night was a team dinner after work drinks. We had a lot of fun. A few of us went out after. I stopped at home to drop off my laptop and happened to glance at the moon which was stunning. Sent a few texts to friends along those lines which eventually turned into an awesome multi-hour phone conversation with a dear friend back in SF. It was great to catch up and just chat with someone who knows me. I played volleyball for about 6 hours on Saturday as part of the Business Games here in Wellington (similar to Corporate Challenge in the States). I haven't played in some time and boy are my shoulders sore! Sunday was back up the Kapiti Coast and then an Italian cooking class last night. The class was a lot of fun and the wine was flowing. Paula/Nancy – reminded me of your stories from Italy with Steve and Larry. Good times. Met some really nice folks. I went through the American Women's Network in NZ. This was the first event of theirs I have done. They are hosting a Thanksgiving dinner as well which I think I will attend. It's odd to not be in a place where Thanksgiving is celebrated. In fact, our Labour Day is a week from today. I'm surprised every single time someone comments about having next Monday off. At some point I'll get the holiday schedule down here sorted.

My flatmate Troy has now moved back to Brisbane. He left last Tuesday morning. I ended up staying in the flat, buying the furniture off him and moving into the bigger room. Eddie, my new flatmate, moved in Friday afternoon. He had also lived in the building up on the 10th floor and I knew him through Troy. He's really sweet, is a couple years older than I am and seems like he will be a great flatmate. In fact, he just texted me saying he was cooking steak and salad for dinner and wanted to know if he could cook for me too. I love it! :-)

The fishing trip I was supposed to go on in September was postponed due to gale force winds. It has yet to be rescheduled. Chicago has nothing on the winds in Wellington! There are gale force winds somewhat regularly. When they are comign from the South they can be bitterly cold. The weather can't seem to decide what it wants to do these days. There are periods where it is lovely and warm and then it turns cold and rainy again. No wonder everyone is sick. I'm really looking forward to summer!

Work is going well. I'm finally feeling comfortable with what I am doing and am continuing to learn the ropes. Got a Final Report out to a client last week and have a draft report out to another client. Having those under my belt has made me feel a lot more comfortable. The majority of folks I am working with are great and don't seem to mind my silly questions. The nice thing is I can finally start to see an end to the silly question period.

In other news, my buddy Dylan from the Bay Area moved down here a little over a week ago when I was in Sydney. It's nice to have a familiar face around. Dylan, Todd and I decided to scare the Kiwis by gathering together for dinner on Tuesday night. Three Americans in one place together? Oh my! It was great to catch up. It's interesting to watch someone else go through the transition. At times it seems like ages ago that I came here and at times it seems like last week. It's hard to believe I'll be back in SF and KC for Christmas in just two months! All my flights are booked and I can't wait to see everyone again.

Congratulations to Sarah Gomez on her wedding! Congratulations to all my friends who are now pregnant as well – pretty exciting times! I'm amazed at the number of people I know who are pregnant right now. Great stuff!

On the spiritual front, I am making lots of progress. About a month ago I had an amazing session where I finally let go of all the pain and anger and hurt and fear around dad's death and with that release has come such an amazing feeling of freedom. Letting go of all that has also helped me let go of bad habits and things that were standing in my way to getting what I ultimately want. I'm now working on the same type of thing around mom's death. It's been difficult, but such a wonderful path that I am truly blessed to be on. Watch out world – when I get all this sorted it won't know what hit it! :-)

I feel like I'm missing out on telling you about lots of things, but my brain is a bit fried on this Monday morning and I can't think of what any of them are. Thank you for all the emails – I love getting news from home. Hope you all are well!

This update was brought to you by the letter W and the number 4.

Sicky and Sydney

2008-10-06T12:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I woke up and my throat was a bit sore and scratchy. Last night I took a bath, then a shower and then wrapped myself in two duvets to try and sweat it out. I was just dripping for what seemed hours on end. Not sure when I fell asleep. Got up around 8 this morning and had a shower, then walked to work. I walked in and one of the kids at work came and told me she had finally gone to the doctor and had bronchitis and suggested I do the same. Other people came in, took one look at me still sweating and looked up a doctor for me to see.

It was the oddest doctor visit I have ever had. I walked in and told her my symptoms. She talked about how it is going around. Then she looked at my throat for like 2 seconds and handed me a script. I think she believes it's laryngitis and bronchitis. Yay me. So I got my prescriptions filled and took my first drug today.

The thing that makes this suck is I am supposed to be on a plane tomorrow to Sydney for a training course. Then I'm spending the weekend with an Irish friend now living in Sydney. Could the timing be any worse? Hopefully since I'll have had the drug in me for 24 hours at that time tomorrow, I'll be okay and can have a fun weekend. Early to bed tonight and tomorrow night for sure!

Keep your fingers crossed I can still enjoy Sydney.

This moment of feeling like garbage was brought to you by the letter B and the number 3.

So no Shit, There I Was

2008-09-18T12:53:00.000-07:00

Sitting at a CIO Conference in Auckland today. The speaker at the time was the CIO of the NZ Government. As he's flipping through his slides discussing where technology is heading, guess what appears on the screen....a map of Black Rock City. The commentary went something like this....

"There's an event every year in America called Burning Man. It's in California or Nevada or somewhere..."
"Nevada desert"
"Nevada desert? Great. Anyway, all these people go out and live in tent city for a week and do geek stuff and blog and the like. Now Flickr has created a way for people to tag their photos and videos and it maps the city so you can see the experience."
Wow, that's the first time I've heard BM refered to in technological terms. You really have NO idea what goes on out there do you?
"I haven't been, you (pointing to moi) could probably explain more about it, but isn't this neat that you can virtually experience it?"
Oh I could explain more about it, but I won't.

I was cracking up and thought y'all could appreciate the randomness of the situation.

This moment of amusement was brought to you by the letter C and the number 7.

My Heart on the Line

2008-08-30T21:14:00.000-07:00

The below is something I think all Americans should read.

My Heart on the Line...

It has been said that only those that have bled for their country appreciate the real taste of freedom. I would include, those who sent a son or daughter off to war. Roy Hill

My Heart on the Line

By Frank Schaeffer: The Washington Post

Before my son became a Marine, I never thought much about who was defending me. Now when I read of the war on terrorism or the coming conflict in Iraq , it cuts to my heart. When I see a picture of a member of our military who has been killed, I read his or her name very carefully. Sometimes I cry.

In 1999, when the barrel-chested Marine recruiter showed up in dress blues and bedazzled my son John, I did not stand in the way. John was headstrong, and he seemed to understand these stern, clean men with straight backs and flawless uniforms. I did not. I live in the Volvo-driving, higher education- worshiping North Shore of Boston. I write novels for a living. I have never served in the military.

It had been hard enough sending my two older children off to Georgetown and New York University . John's enlisting was unexpected, so deeply unsettling. I did not relish the prospect of answering the question, "So where is John going to college?" from the parents who were itching to tell me all about how their son or daughter was going to Harvard. At the private high school John attended, no other students were going into the military.

"But aren't the Marines terribly Southern?" asked one perplexed mother while standing next to me at the brunch following graduation. "What a waste, he was such a good student," said another parent. One parent (a professor at a nearby and rather famous university) spoke up at a school meeting and suggested that the school should "carefully evaluate what went wrong."

When John graduated from three months of boot camp on Parris Island, 3,000 parents and friends were on the parade deck stands. We parents and our Marines not only were of many races but also were representative of many economic classes. Many were poor. Some arrived crammed in the backs of pickups, others by bus. John told me that a lot of parents could not afford the trip.

We in the audience were white and Native American. We were Hispanic, Arab and African American and Asian. We were former Marines wearing the scars of battle, or at least baseball caps emblazoned with battles' names. We were Southern whites from Nashville and skinheads from New Jersey, black kids from Cleveland wearing ghetto rags and white ex-cons with ham-hock forearms defaced by jailhouse tattoos. We would not have been mistaken for the educated and well-heeled parents gathered on the lawns of John's private school a half-year before.

After graduation one new Marine told John, "Before I was a Marine, if I had ever seen you on my block I would've probably killed you just because you were standing there." This was a serious statement from one of John's good friends, an African American ex-gang member from Detroit who, as John said, "would die for me now, just like I'd die for him."

My son has connected me to my country in a way that I was too selfish and insular to experience before. I feel closer to the waitress at our local diner than to some of my oldest friends. She has two sons in the Corps. They are facing the same dangers as my boy. When the guy who fixes my car asks me how John is doing, I know he means it. His younger brother is in the Navy.

Why were I and the other parents at my son's private school so surprised by his choice? During World War II, the sons and daughters of the most powerful and educated families did their bit. If the idea of the immorality of the Vietnam War was the only reason those lucky enough to go to college dodged the draft, why did we not encourage our children to volunteer for military service once that war was done?

Have we wealthy and educated Americans all become pacifists? Is the world a safe place? Or have we just gotten used to having somebody else defend us? What is the future of our democracy when the sons and daughters of the janitors at our elite universities are far more likely to be put in harm's way than are any of the students whose dorms their parents clean?

I feel shame because it took my son's joining the Marine Corps to make me take notice of who is defending me. I feel hope because perhaps my son is part of a future "greatest generation." As the storm clouds of war gather, at least I know that I can look the men and women in uniform in the eye. My son is one of them. He is the best I have to offer. He is my heart.

Where's BH - Volume 4

2008-08-21T02:14:00.001-07:00

Hello Dear Readers,

Greetings to some newbies to the list. Apologies it has been so long since my last update. Things have been busy here and I didn't want to be bombarding you with emails. I will do my best to fill you in on all that's been occurring without overloading your inboxes. Speaking of, I am currently trying to figure out the best photo upload site to post pictures so you can all just go there and look at them and I don't send them through email. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know.

This last Friday was the official 2 month mark for my time here in NZ. Some days it seems so much longer and other days it's hard to believe so much time has passed. People say that there is a "3 month freakout" that most folks go through - you either push through or head back home. So far I don't have any of that. It seems odd to think it would even happen. I miss my friends and family, but know this is exactly where I should be right now, though I don't know the reason. I'm trying to take the advice of a new friend and not focus so much on the why that I miss doors opening all around me.

Everyone back in SF is getting ready for Burning Man right now (some are already on playa). It's strange to not be going this year - to not be looking forward to a week in the desert filled with laughter, wonder, silliness, sleep deprivation due to laughing the night away and watching the sunrise, and returning home with my cheeks aching from so much smiling and laughing.

Life here is moving right along. I'm continuing to meet people which is always nice. Hopefully my ratio of gay to straight will start to switch. Seems the majority of men I'm meeting these days are gay. They have all been sweet as pie and are good for a laugh. Started rock climbing again which has been great. I was pleasantly surprised that I was able to complete a wall just one level down from where I had left off climbing in December. Also found lindy hop (swing dance) lessons out here. Went to my first one last week. There's a big lindy ball at the end of the month that I will be attending. Should be good to get back into it, though I skipped last night because I am just drained and figured I needed the sleep.

Two weekends ago was large. Friday night a guy I had met at a party a few weeks before (one of the few straight ones I've met) came over to sample my single malt collection. It was nice to just hang out. We watched the opening ceremonies of the Olympics which started at 12:08am for us. By the time we watched the US and NZ walk in, it was something ridiculous like 3:30am. I finally got to sleep around 4:15am. Had a busy day and didn't get a Nana nap before my company ball that night. It was at the St. James Theatre which is a rather posh venue and literally right around the corner from my house. Can you say convenient? The theme was Opening Night so you were to come dressed as a character on the opening night of their production or as a member of the audience. After much hemming and hawing about what would be appropriate to wear in front of colleagues, I ended up cheating a bit and just did my hair in a vintage style, put on a cute dress that can pass as vintage, my black and white saddle shoes and pretended to be an extra from Grease. It was a good night and nice to see everyone let loose. It did get a bit sloppy toward the end - honestly, who plans a 6 hour open bar and thinks it's a good thing??? Better question, who goes out after 6 hours of an open bar? Yes, that would be me. We ended up being out until around 5am. I texted one of the kids who works with me on Sunday to see if he and his gf wanted to do brunch. He responded, "Can't move. Too hung." I wrote back, "Amateur" as I was feeling fine, other than being tired. :-) Ended up doing brunch with friends and then walked down to Oriental Bay and spent the afternoon on the beach in the sunshine. Was even warm enough that I was just in jeans a tshirt for part of it. This past weekend was tame. Met some friends for a chat at Fidel's cafe on Cuba St which is a Friday tradition. Went home, watched the Olympics and fell asleep on the couch at 10pm. Woke up at midnight and went to bed. Saturday did a bunch of unpacking and a store run for final hangers, under the bed storage, etc. That night finally tore myself away from the Olympics and went to a friend's birthday party. The theme was to come dressed as a culture that is not your own. I wore my sari from Ganesh's wedding. It was a pretty tame evening, but got to chat with some folks I hadn't really had a chance to before. When I came back and walked past my local, the All Blacks vs South Africa match (in SA) was still on, so stopped in to watch the end. Another late evening, but fun. And for those of you keeping track - I've been on the wagon for a couple weeks and only eating meat once a day to try and flush the organs. In other words, late nights do not equal drinking for this kid. Sunday was spent doing more stuff around the house. I then went to Ross and Steve's new house in Kilburny for afternoon tea. They are hilarious and it was fun to get to know them a bit more. That night I had a massage which was heavenly.

Special congratulations to my 3 year old niece, Isabella, who has sent me my second real piece of mail. It was the best letter I have ever received! I love it! Just looking at the envelope addressed to "Auntie Anna" makes me happy!

Last week my flatmate was away in the South Island skiing. While I adore him, it was nice to have the place to myself for a week. Actually, I just learned tonight that he is looking to move back to Brisbane at the end of October. That means I have two choices - stay here and try and find another flatmate or look for another place to live. We shall see what happens. It's disappointing because we get along so well, but he needs to do what is best for him.

Some funny stories: One afternoon as I was getting coff-ay (for the Odd Todd fans out there), I received a text message saying, "I love you." It was from a New Zealand mobile number I didn't know. After joking with the guy making my flat white, I wrote back, "Thanks. I love me too. Who is this?" Turns out a couple colleagues were in the same coff-ay shop and flagged me over. I asked if they had texted me and they had not. Then my mobile rings and it's from the number that had texted me. I answered and he said, "Do you work for EY?" When I said yes he replied, "You have my wife's old number." Apparently he was sitting on the plane and sent her a text. As soon as he sent it, he realised that's not her number anymore. We were both laughing and joking and I told him I was sorely disappointed as I thought he might be the man of my dreams. He replied, "Well, I am, but unfortunately for you I'm taken." I replied, "Well then, you aren't the man of my dreams." We both laughed some more and then he said, "I'm glad I could put a smile on your face." I told him to have a good day and to text his real wife. Hilarious!

But wait, it gets better. Today I got two texts along the lines of "Hey Gorgeous, blah blah blah, how's the belly treating you? Boy or girl? Wait, don't tell me. Been working on names. So excited you're going to have a wee one. Holidays in Germany are great, blah blah blah." I texted back and told them I think they have the wrong number as I'm not preggers because that requires certain things to be happening that aren't. I then texted the guy from above and asked if his wife was preggers. He rang me trying to figure out who I was. When I explained he started cracking up and asked what number the text had come from. He didn't know the number. I asked if he wanted me to forward the messages on to somewhere. I passed them on to him and he was cracking up, apologising for me receiving them. I told him it provides some good entertainment during my days. :-)

I'm currently facing a decision difficulty. I'm heading to Sydney Oct 9-10 for training. Was going to stay the weekend. I'm also looking to sign up for a sailing course here in Wellington. It's 4 consecutive Saturdays and one of those is, you guessed it, the 11th of October. I can miss one class though it isn't ideal. So, on one hand it seems crazy to go to Sydney and not stay the weekend. On the other hand, it seems crazy to sign up for a course and miss 1 of the 4. The problem if I wait for another course is that it won't be for a month after this one ends which puts me into November and means I miss the spring racing season. Yes, I know I know, what a rough life I lead when I have to make this kind of decision.

Next on the agenda is doing some weekend day trips. I haven't explored enough of the area around here yet and need to fix that. Especially because I have a car with work at the moment. Need to take advantage! It's just nice to do it with a copilot to help navigate. :-)

It was great earlier this week to have a call from my brother and my cousins. They had done a family reunion and it was great to talk to everyone. It's hard to be in the cold when they are talking about how much fun they are having boating and enjoying the summer. Next year I'll be there for sure if we can combine it with Burning Man.

Got invited to go deep sea fishing with colleagues in September. I totally signed up for it and can't wait! Should be good.

Let's see, other random NZ observations:
1. Hilarious expression: "Sweet as!" Note that's only one s. Sweet as what? It kills me every time - there's no predicate to the sentence. It also is used in things like "Hungry as" and the like.
2. "How you going?" - means the same as How you doing? How is everything? How's it going?
3. Nothing in the grocery stores is the same. I have no idea of what to buy and feel like an idiot trying to find the simple things. I'm a product of my environment and when sugar isn't packaged in a pink cardboard box, I don't know how to find it. Okay, it's not quite that bad, but you get the idea.
4. When the sun shines, this town is gorgeous!
5. When you meet someone for the first time, hit it off and want to hang out with them again, you rarely trade information. They tend to wait until they've met you a second or third time. Granted, it's a small town and odds are you will see them again.
6. Cadbury chocolate is very different down here. Far better!
7. NZ TV sucks. Now, granted, it's not a bad thing as I get out of hte house far more often. However, it'd be nice when you want to watch it to have something good to watch.
8. It's been interesting watching the Olympics in a different country. As you expect, they focus primarily on NZ athletes so a lot of events I would usually watch aren't shown.

Ok, think this got far longer than I expected. As you can see, life is moving right along. I do love hearing from everyone so please keep writing.

I miss you all!

This update was brought to you by the letter A and the number 4.

Text Message Hilarity

2008-08-05T21:48:00.000-07:00

This afternoon as I was getting coff-ay (for the Odd Todd fans out there), I received a text message saying, "I love you." It was from a New Zealand mobile number I didn't know. After joking with the guy making my flat white, I wrote back, "Thanks. I love me too. Who is this?"

Turns out a couple colleagues were in the same coff-ay shop and flagged me over. I asked if they had texted me and they had not. Then my mobile rings and it's from the number that had texted me. I answered and he said, "Do you work for EY?" When I said yes he replied, "You have my wife's old number." Apparently he was sitting on the plane and sent her a text. As soon as he sent it, he realised that's not her number anymore. We were both laughing and joking and I told him I was sorely disappointed as I thought he might be the man of my dreams. He replied, "Well, I am, but unfortunately for you I'm taken." I replied, "Well then, you aren't the man of my dreams." We both laughed some more and then he said, "I'm glad I could put a smile on your face." I told him to have a good day and to text his real wife.

Hilarious!

This moment of text message entertainment was brought to you by the letter T and the number 2.

The Horror!

2008-07-28T15:35:00.000-07:00

We've all seen them - the women walking to work wearing their skirts and tops or suits. They look stylish...until you look down and notice they are wearing trainers on their feet.

I had the sad realization today that I've become one of "those" women. Yes, I actually walked to work in my running shoes and carried my heels with me to put on when I hit the office. Sure, it's sensible. Sure, it's better for my feet. Sure, it saves me from looking like a 5 year old playing dress up and trying to walk in her mother's shoes. But seriously - has it come to this?

You know how some women are born in heels and can walk forever in them and look graceful? I am not one of those women.

This moment of self-deprecation was brought to you by the letter H and the number 2.

Where's BH - Volume 2

2008-07-17T21:58:00.000-07:00

Ok, because I'm too lazy to edit this appropriately for a blog, i'm just taking the email I sent and copying and pasting it in with a few minor modifications like removing my address and skype ID. If you want them, message me. Sorry for the length! This was all stuff from the week before (new installment coming soon).

Greetings dear readers. There are some new additions to the list this week as I erroneously left some folks off last time. As always, if you would like to be removed from the list, please let me know. In the meantime, grab a cup of tea (or for most of you since it is summer, a glass of iced tea), a comfy seat and tuck in to the latest and greatest in the world of BH.

When we last left off, I was on the hunt for a flat. Let me tell you, it's not easy in this town. Sure, there is lots available...there's just not a lot available you actually want to live in. That Saturday I saw 6 flats, of which 2 might have been habitable. One flat actually had mold growing down the walls. Another one was off the living room and shaped like a piece of pie. You could maybe fit a single bed in there. Due to NZ regulations about how an interior room has to be ventilated, in the top part of the wall that curved around the living room were window openings for lack of a better description. In other words, you were practically open onto the living room. For $145 a week I wanted to ask if that came with a happy ending. Alas, discretion became the better part of valor and I managed to keep my mouth shut. I also refrained from telling him I didn't want to spend my life living in a Trivial Pursuit game.

That night one of the partners in the firm had a cocktail party for the management team. It was really nice to get to know folks outside of the office and was a lovely party. I was pretty discouraged about the flat hunt by the time Sunday rolled around and feeling rather down. Victoria had rung me the night before just as I was getting back from the hunt and said she was going to spend Sunday with me. Turns out, it was just what the doctor ordered. We grabbed a bite to eat, watched the Sex and the City movie and then just hung out chatting. It was great to get to know her a bit more and to find someone (further) along a similar spiritual path. Always nice to be able to talk to someone about that journey without getting deer in the headlight looks. The day really raised my spirits.

Monday night I went and looked at a few more flats. Had received a call from one of the hashers (Hash House Harriers - drinking club with a running problem - since some of you asked last time) that drinks were on that night. I told him I was flat hunting til 8;30, then meeting one of the fire spinners for coffee and would then ring him. At 8:30 when I finished I was ready to gnaw off my own arm and stopped in Abra Kebabra (yeah, you read that right) for some food. As I was trying to decide what to eat, I finally hear this, "Will you just order some frigging food already?!" Imagine my surprise to turn and see the hashers there. Apparently they had been calling my name for a couple minutes. Turns out, Wellington is an extremely small town. You run into people everywhere. I wasn't yet at the point of expecting to know anyone, but sure enough, there it was. Ended up dining with them, then had the fire spinner meet me there for coffee. He brought along his gf so it was nice to meet new folks.

Saw a few more flats throughout the week, including two on Thursday night after meeting up with the fire spinning crowd at a cafe. Both were great and I ended up getting both offered to me. I took the more central one and am super excited about the place. In fact, met up with my new flatmate today to get the keys. He's an IT recruiter and originally from Brisbane. Seems like a cool guy. I have the world's second coolest shower (William's old shower is still number 1). I've attached a picture for your viewing pleasure. Having that sorted definitely caused me to break into the happy dance. In fact, I found myself doing the happy dance quite a bit over the weekend.

Friday night I met up with Victoria, her sister-in-law Marchelle and Marchelle's friends for drinks. We started at one place and then moved to what will be my new local (literally two doors down from my bldg) - Molly Malones. Ended up meeting a couple older guys from Christchurch who were up for the rugby match. Hung out with them that night which was good fun. I think I got to bed about 3:30am that night. Normally not a problem except that I had to get up at 8:30am to move out of my temporary accomodation. You see, though EY was awesome and extended my stay, where I was staying was booked out Sat night for the rugby. I had to move to a different location of theirs.

I texted Daniel and Kelly - a couple from the Bay Area who moved here from Thailand in Feb - to see if they wanted to do brunch. I met them Thursday night. Daniel had emailed me earlier in the week welcoming me after he learned via an email list I had moved here. Turns out we learned after the initial email and before meeting that we have a mutual friend from Burning Man. Sing with me now - "It's a small world after all..." They picked me up (and my luggage - rock stars!) and we went out to a lovely brunch in Petone. They then took me on a drive around all the bays in the Wellington area. It was gorgeous! I took some photos, but seeing as how the software is rather limited on this laptop (really need to buy a personal one when I'm home at Christmas!), I'm struggling to shrink them enough to be able to send...and no, I can't seem to upload them anywhere either. Argh! They dropped me off back in town at the new place. Unfortunately I forgot my purse in their car so went down to Cuba St to get my purse. They were there with the Couch Surfers crew who was celebrating International Free Hug day by giving folks...what else...free hugs.

Victoria met me there and we eventually headed back to my place so I could put on some serious layers. Yep, we were off to the All Blacks v South Africa match!! We were both so excited. After some food we met up with Marchelle and her crew again for some beverages. We started walking toward the stadium just after the rain had started pouring down. Along the way we stopped at someone's boat for a few more beverages. Then we were off to the stadium! Other than the fact it was pouring rain, it was great. Victoria was a genius and had gotten us seats under the covered bit so we were fine during the match, other than the fact it was bloody cold. I was definitely practicing regulating my body temperature that night. Really, the only part of me that was cold were the parts that had gotten wet on the way over. Watching the haka live for the first time was incredible! I had goosebumps. The match was great. The All Blacks didn't play as well as I would have liked, but they got the win which is all that matters. After the match we had a couple drinks and then headed home.

Sunday I was a bit lazy and didn't get to bed shopping until 4:30pm. Daniel and Kelly met me and we looked at several stores. Found a mattress I liked, but nothing yet on the bed frame. That's what I get for being a lazy git. They then took me to the grocery store and back to their house where they cooked me dinner. It was really nice to hang with them and to meet their housemates who are part of the burner/fire spinning crowd. Their house is outside of town on top of a huge hill and the views are spectacular. They can watch the sun rise and set from their living room. The stars and the moon were amazing from up there. After, they dropped me back in the city and I pretty much crashed out.

The only downside is I am now fighting a cold. It's been rather frigid (yes, it's all relative) here the past few days. The natives aren't sure what to do with themselves. It's even snowed a bit in the hills surrounding Wellington. The number of times that has happened in the past couple decades can apparently be counted on fingers. I'm sure it's a combo of the rain, cold and lack of sleep.

I should be moving into my new place in the next couple days. I may stay in my current accomodation through Friday morning when I have to be out as it has a bed and I don't yet have one. There is a phone there, but I'm not certain of the number so it will have to come in the next installment.

This Friday I get to go to a gallery opening through EY. Since we sponsor an exhibit each year we get free tickets. I conned Victoria into going with me. Saturday one of my colleagues is taking me to a few mattress stores as work seems to be a bit too busy during the week to get it done. Saturday night is a party I've been invited to attend.

Interesting NZ observations:
1. People rarely carry cash - they use Eftpos for everything
2. Commercials on TV are hilarious and somewhat risque
3. The haka is even more amazing in person
4. Everyone here wears black. There's very little color in wardrobes
5. They like really soft beds in this country - yuck!
6. Food is ridiculously expensive.
7. Bell peppers are called capsicum
8. Yams are something completely different here and look like weevils
9. Nexxus shampoo/conditioner doesn't seem to have made it to NZ
10. Books are also ridiculously expensive. I was looking into starting to read The Dark Tower series, but they want like $35 for a paperback of book number one. Crazy!
11. They REALLY like salt here. For the girl who really doesn't put salt on anything, it's a bit of an adjustment.
12. Sushi here is odd - I tried some rolls and all the fish was on top of the roll with nothing but rice and seaweek in the middle. Plus, they sometimes put chicken in their sushi. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?
13. Booze is expensive here as well.
14. The letter R doesn't really exist, unless they are using Maori words. Then it suddenly comes back in.

As you can see, things are moving along here. Work has been busy which is nice. Meeting new people is always great. All in all, things are good.

I haven't had a whole lot of time for reflection as I've been on the go so much. To be honest, I have moments where it's hard - I miss my amazing friends and family. It's weird to realize I'm not just on holiday for many weeks. Yet, I know this is ultimately where I'm supposed to be right now.

If anyone wants to talk and doesn't feel like paying a fortune, go to http://www.skype.com and download skype for free. We can talk computer to computer for free. Woohoo!

Ok, well, I'm off to move one of my bags to my new flat, get some food and try and sleep off this cold. Hope all is well with everyone.

This update was brought to you by the letter W and the number 2.

Another Candle Snuffed Too Soon

2008-07-08T14:38:00.001-07:00

I just learned that a good friend of my brother's has passed away. I was fortunate enough to meet him a couple times. He was the nicest person I had ever met. Brian had been battling leukemia for years. He and his wife (who has breast cancer) have a daughter who just turned 5. She was having her birthday party on the day he passed away. Brian was only 3 years older than me. I cannot express how much I hate the f*cking C word!!!

Gone, but not forgotten.

His obituary:

Brian Craig Dickson, beloved husband and devoted father, went to the arms of Our Lord on July 6, 2008. Brian was born in New Britain, CT, on October 25, 1974, and spent most of his growing-up years in Cato, NY. He graduated from SUNY Brockport in 1997, the same year he met his wife, Annette. Their marriage took place in 1999, after which they resided in Depew, NY for a year, where Brian worked as a computer technician.

In 2000, Annette's residency training brought them to Kansas City, MO. Brian worked for the USDA as a Unix administrator, a position he continued in for two years after his diagnosis of acute lymphoblastic leukemia in 2001. Despite ongoing chemotherapy, he and Annette happily became expectant parents, an event dampened by Brian's relapse in 2003. Brian received a stem cell transplant from his brother, Brad, that May.

Seven weeks later, Arwen was born and Brian began the role he relished most: at-home dad. He enabled Annette's busy medical practice, and was an active, hands-on father, finding kindred spirits among KCDADs, a group of at-home dads in Kansas City. Watching Arwen grow up spurred his desire to pursue a teaching career, and he began graduate studies in education at Rockhurst University in 2004. In 2006, he was a most understanding caregiver for Annette as she endured treatment for her own diagnosis of breast cancer. She was recovering when he relapsed again shortly before his 32nd birthday.

A second stem cell transplant at MD Anderson in Houston, TX separated Brian from his beloved girls for several months in 2007. Earlier this year, faced with the news of possible relapse, Brian and Annette renewed their vows at St. Therese Church in celebration of their ninth anniversary. Brian doggedly pursued treatment with the goal to survive for his young family, even in the face of great risk. His favorite quote was from Jimmy Valvano's speech at the Espy Awards, "Never give up, don't ever give up!"

Brian is survived by his wife Annette, daughter Arwen, his parents Alan and Carol, and brother Brad. Visitation will be at St. Therese Catholic Church, 7207 NW Highway 9, Kansas City, MO 64152 from 5-8 p.m. on Wednesday, July 9, 2008. Mass of Christian Burial will take place at St. Therese at 10 a.m. on Thursday, July 10, 2008 with Fr. Mike Roach as celebrant. Interment will follow in the Walnut Grove Cemetery in Parkville. In lieu of flowers, family request donations to the American Cancer Society and The V Foundation for Cancer Research.

This moment of sadness was brought to you by the letter C and the number TOO MANY!!

Double Rainbow

2008-07-02T00:03:00.000-07:00

Saw a double rainbow today over the bay (Wellington that is) as I was coming back from a client site. Reminded me of the double rainbow at Burning Man and being able to share it with good friends.

Hopefully it's a positive sign about finding a flat as I'm rather frustrated at the moment.

This moment of enjoying nature's beauty was brought to you by the letter R and the number 2.

Where's BH?

2008-06-26T14:56:00.000-07:00

Welcome to Volume 1 of Where's BH. Some of my loyal readers may have received this via email, but for the rest of you, here you go.

Sorry I haven't been the best at emailing. Things have been a bit busy as you can imagine. I flew to Wellington last Wed, arriving exactly a week ago today (that's Friday for me). A couple quick notes of thanks:

Extra special thanks to Karen and Jenny who totally saved me on my last night and helped me do the final packing scramble.
Extra special thanks to William who helped me out with holding my vehicle until Vin can go pick it up.
Extra special thanks to Dougie and Jenny for storing my Burning Man stuff.
Extra special thanks to Carol and K3 for driving me to the airport and to everyone who made it out to my farewell party and my last day festivities.

The farewell party the Saturday before was great. Got to catch up with lots of folks I hadn't seen in some time. We did a picnic that afternoon at Crissy Field (thanks to karen for helping me organize!) and then met for drinks at Zeitgeist that night.

Had a wonderful send off with dear friends - we met at El Torito for my final taste of Mexican food (as there's no Spanish influence down here and the "Mexican food" is inedible) and then a smaller subset came to the airport. Good times with the flying monkey, a bottle of champagne and a baggage trolley ride right up to security. (yeah, you probably had to be there)

Flight was uneventful - just the way I like them. I knew a colleague (Richard) was meeting me at the airport. Turns out my boss (Hamish) also met me. Those two drove me to my temporary accomodation, dropped my bags and then took me out for drinks where I met a couple other colleagues.

Saturday night I met up with Victoria whom I had met in Perth. She's an American who married a Kiwi. Funniest part - she played rugby at Penn State while I was playing at Marquette which means we played against each other at some point, just never got to know each other. She, her husband and step son picked me up on Saturday evening and we watched the All Blacks match at their mate's place. It was nice to get out and meet some folks. The All Blacks slaughtered England which is always nice to see.

Sunday I hit the farmers market outside Te Papa museum. Nice produce and it's "cheap". Allow me to explain - the "cheap" version of veggies is still ridiculously expensive. I've been rather surprised just how costly (or as they say here - dear) things like food and coffee and the like are. Crazy.

Started work on Monday. Everyone I'm working with seems nice and friendly. I put together a presentation for a client that went out today. We have several projects with them, but I may be leading the one around their SAP installation. Talk about diving in head first!

Met up with Todd last night for dinner - a friend of a friend who moved here in March. It was nice to get someone else's perspective on things and to hang with someone who understands your references.

Other than the above, I've been hunting for a flat. It's a bit tricky as a lot of the houses here are old and don't have heating or insulation which means they can be damp and cold. Winter is actually a great time to flat hunt because you know what you are getting into. Kiwis seem very big on living with each other - 7 people in a 5 bedroom flat, etc. It's a bit tough because I outgrew that living with 7 other people thing a long time ago. Had found a perfect flat with two flatmates - we had a couple glasses of wine, watched The Amazing Race, bantered, etc. Imagine my surprise to get the email they gave it to a friend of a friend even though "they both thought I would be a great fit." Guess blood is thicker than water. I have to believe that somehow it's all for the best in the end, but it's hard. So, the hunt continues. My temporary housing is over on the 4th of July (a week from today) so feeling a bit stressed about it. It will all work out in the end I suppose.

Victoria and I got tickets to the All Blacks/South Africa match on the 5th of July. I'm so excited I can hardly stand it! I'm like a kid in a candy shop over here. Victoria rang yesterday to say we now have plans with her husband's sister beforehand and they are doing things on the 4th that I am welcome to join them for as well.

One of the partners is having a cocktail party at his house tomorrow for the management team. Should be nice. Going out for drinks is a very big thing here. We have two rounds of drinks at work this afternoon (apparently I have to make a speech at one of them).

I went on a hash run on Wednesday night with the Wellington Ladies group. W.E.N.D.Y was awesome and hooked me up with a ride to get me there. It was a fun group and nice to have a night off from flat hunting.

The view from our office is amazing. I took a couple photos yesterday which I will send when I download them from my camera. It's really interesting to be able to predict the weather by watching the water - if it's choppy in the bay, it means it's a "Nor-wester" which is actually somewhat warm. If the bay is calm, it's a southerly which means it's bringing cold antarctic air and the temp drops sharply. The weather has been really interesting - can be gorgeous one minute and the next it's gray, you can't see the water and it's hailing. Very similar to living in the mountains.

All the people I have met have been super friendly. I think I'm going to enjoy this new adventure. I have a few random moments of being stressed, but then I just remind myself that this has been my dream and I'm actually living it! Not to mention I have the opportunity to completely reinvent myself here where no one knows me, there are no preconceived notions about who/what I am, etc. A few deep breaths and I'm all good.

Well, that's enough for Volume 1.

This update was brought to you by the letter W and the number 1.

Packing Hell

2008-06-12T23:24:00.000-07:00

I know I've been MIA for quite some time. Life is hectic. It's fantastic, but hectic. Spent the past two weekends in Lake Tahoe for a faire. It was loads of fun and hung out with some good people.

Three of us - Brian, Jeremy and I stayed a couple extra days to play. There's nothing like camping in the mountains buy a gorgeous lake with wonderful people to make life okay. Of course, deciding at 10:30pm to start shooting a bb gun at targets (coke cans, water bottles, etc) that we set up at various distances and kept moving doesn't hurt either. Nor does realizing the next day that we had some left over eggs and those on top of the bear box make a great target. Nor does realizing the shoes I was going to throw away could also be set up on the bear box and eggs put in them as targets. Good times folks, good times. I haven't shot since I was in college if not before. It was great to be back at it, even with a bb gun and I held my own. The boys were impressed - I even kicked their asses a few rounds.

And now I am back in the real world and on the final countdown. I move on Wednesday to New Zealand. That means I have the rest of this week to pack, sell stuff, donate stuff, sort out 9 years of a life I've built out here, have a farewell party, try and see the people I need to, etc.

Why didn't the house elves pack for me when I was away?

This moment of good stress was brought to you by the letters N and Z and the number 18.

Candle Wisdom

2008-05-25T23:21:00.000-07:00

After a long weekend filled with birthday festivities, I took a nice relaxing bath this evening. I finished the current book I was reading while in there and had a candle going the entire time. This was a candle that was given to me by a friend last year that is supposed to bring wisdom or at least open you up to the wisdom of the world. Not being much of a hippy myself, I smile because I think it's a nice concept, but let's be honest here...a candle bringing wisdom?

As I emptied the bath, stood and began towling off, I tried to blow out the candle. Granted, I was far away, but had a couple failed attempts. The flame would flicker and then come back even stronger. As I was about to mock myself for having poor lung capacity, a different thought popped into my head.

This candle flame was just like my own inner flame. I've spent many years trying to extinguish my own flame, not necessarily conciously, but attempting none the less. I realized, despite all my efforts, that it isn't possible. This flame can't be extinguished. It's like God's love for me. It's like my angel's love for me. It's like my love for myself is supposed to be.

Despite all my efforts, my inner flame can't and won't be extinguished. It's going to continue to come back stronger than ever and it's high time I just accept that and let it shine. Why waste my breath and effort on something that won't happen and something that I ultimately don't want to happen?

Yes, a new leaf is being turned over and the outlook is bright. Burn on flame, burn on.

Oh, don't worry, I did eventually blow out the candle flame after thanking my angel for inspiring the thought - I liked it.

This hippy moment was brought to you by the letter A and the number 31.

Birthday Saturday!

2008-05-22T20:03:00.001-07:00

Well folks, it's that time of year again. My birthday is coming up on Saturday. When I have more time I'm going to have to post some reflections from this past year. It's been one hell of a ride. Now? Now I think I'm going to have a hot bath and a glass of wine. Yep, that sounds mighty fine right now.

This moment of antici............pation was brought to you by the letter B and the number 31.

Back Under the Knife...or Laser

2008-05-13T13:52:00.000-07:00

Went back to my ENT today as I'm still snoring. Not like before, but definitely still there. Have an appointment tomorrow to take a few more millimeters off the top of the palate. They like to be conservative because if they take too much off, milk will then be coming out my noise instead of going down my throat. As attractive as that is, I think I'll pass. The good news is that the pain with this procedure is considerably less than the initial surgery. Excellent news considering the first one was painful, but totally bearable.

Think good thoughts tomorrow afternoon please.

In other news, did a lot of dancing this past weekend. Saturday night was Stompy Jones' 10th Anniversary party at Verdi. Had a lot of fun. Sunday I went to Lindy in the Park. It was a gorgeous day and got some good dancing in. Back at Verdi tonight for anyone who is interested.

Started the culling process for my big move. Yikes! More to do than I thought. It will all get done, though. It has to.

Had another good session with my "healer" yesterday and got a couple new meditations to try. Good stuff. The road is long and hard, but it's nice to be able to look back and see how far I have come. I actually like me now and am learning to love me too. It's a nice change.

Other than that, just gearing up for my birthday Memorial Day weekend. Woohoo!

That's all the news that's fit to print.

This news was brought to you by the letter A and the number 30.

Love

2008-05-08T14:56:00.001-07:00

I have been reading "Lamb, the Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal". If you haven't read it, definitely check it out. It is laugh out loud funny. In fact, I had to stop reading it on the plane because I was laughing so hard and people kept looking at me.

Anyway, the other day I came across this little beauty:

"Compassion is the same way...That's what the yeti knew. He loved constantly, instantly, spontaneously, without thought or words. That's what he taught me. Love is not something you think about, it is a state in which you dwell. That was his gift."

Let me repeat - Love is not something you think about, it is a state in which you dwell.

I think I choose to dwell in that state from now on.

This moment of thought was brought to you by the letter B and the number 2.

Difficult and Exciting

2008-04-22T12:13:00.001-07:00

As most of you know, I had a couple interviews when I was in New Zealand. I received offers from both companies. It was a difficult decision as I liked the people at both firms and liked both the towns (Wellington and Christchurch). I accepted one offer on Sunday, but hadn't yet told the other company I had taken another offer. I just sent that email. Though I feel I made the right decision, it was still a difficult note to send as there is absolutely nothing wrong with working for this other firm. In fact, one day in the future I may still want to do just that. I hope they will still be interested in me too.

So, I will start work in Wellington on June 23rd. My company doesn't know yet. Need to sort out when to give my notice.

Exciting roads ahead. Watch out world!

This moment of gain and loss is brought to you by the letters N and Z and the number 2.

It Makes Me Happy

2008-04-18T12:12:00.000-07:00

It makes me happy to hear, "You've become more beautiful in the short time I've known you. All the work you've been doing has cleared out a lot of the things you were holding onto and has let your inner beauty really shine through. It's only natural that reflects on the outside as well"

Being told I'm beautiful coming from the inside? Yeah, that's pretty darn amazing to hear.

What's even more amazing - I'm starting to see/believe it too.

Here's to difficult roads that lead to incredible discoveries.

This moment of joy was brought to you by the letter A and the number 30.

Something to Remember

2008-04-16T16:39:00.001-07:00

Or, more accurately, something I am trying to remember and embrace:

For I am the first and the last
I am the venerated and the despised
I am the prostitute and the saint
I am the wife and the virgin
I am the mother and the daughter
I am the arms of my mother
I am barren and my children are many
I am the married woman and the spinster
I am the woman who gives birth and she
who never procreated
I am the consolation for the pain of birth
I am the wife and the husband
And it was my man who created me
I am the mother of my father
I am the sister of my husband
And he is my rejected son
Always respect me
For I am the shameful and the magnificent one

- Hymn to Isis, 3rd or 4th century BCE, discovered in Nag Hammadi

Acceptance

2008-04-15T22:08:00.001-07:00

Such a casual word for such a difficult act.

This moment of confusion is brought to you by the letter A and the number 2.

Surgery Complete

2008-03-28T16:30:00.001-07:00

Just out of surgery to have my uvula removed and home from the pharmacy where I picked up my drugs. God love percoset!

Details about the trip to NZ/Australia to come soon.

This looking forward to drugs moment was brought to you by the letter U and the number 0.

Friendship

2008-03-03T15:35:00.001-08:00

I had a conversation yesterday with a friend where I stated that the word "friend" is overused on a regular basis. It has become a generic term applied to anyone you have met or with whom you have conversed. I hear on a regular basis, "You have so many friends."

On the contrary, I have a very few friends. I have tons of acquaintances, just very few friends. I'm okay with that. In fact, I consider myself lucky to have as many true friends as I do. The generic use that has been applied is not what friendship is to me. It's much much more.

I've been working on a lot of my own issues/problems/hang-ups/(insert your own term here) in the past year. It seems to be a lot of what I talk about these days with my friends as it is always in my mind. The work is hard. It is/will be rewarding, but it's not easy. I've probably cried more in the past 8 months than I have in 13 years. I've let go of a lot and discovered a lot I didn't realize I had. I've learned a lot about myself and what I like, what I need to fix and what I need to drop all together.

Last night I had a very open/frank discussion with a friend about some of my issues with a particular part of my life. He provided invaluable feedback on how I am perceived through the eyes of someone else. He has observed things that I haven't paid attention to or haven't put enough thought into the reasoning behind them. He opened my eyes in a lot of ways to things I need to be thinking about and working on. It was hard to take. Not in the "negative feedback I can't believe you're saying this to me" sort of way, but in the "oh my God he's right, how the hell did I ever let it get to this point" kind of way. It has led to a lot of introspection which I see continuing for some time until I get it figured out.

How lucky am I to have my eyes opened to these things? How lucky am I to have the willingness, strength and the ability to work on them? How lucky am I to have friends who love me enough to be honest and to help me on this journey? I am truly blessed.

That that friend - thank you. Thank you more than you will probably know.
To my angel - thank you for speaking to me through my friends when I seem unwilling/unable to receive the messages you try and give me.

I am truly blessed....and it's a good thing to considering my work is cut out for me. :-)

This moment of thought is brought to you by the letter F and the number 10.

Surgery

2008-02-27T16:17:00.000-08:00

I have a confession. I snore. I don't mean cute, dainty snoring. I mean lumberjacks working on sawing some serious redwood snoring. Some of you know that all too well. Others, well, sorry to shatter the illusions you may have built up in your heads.

Two weeks ago I had a sleep study done. The good news is I don't have apnea. That's a relief. I went back in today to see my doctor and he has recommended I do a surgical procedure. The technical name...well, I can't remember the technical name and it would mean something to probably only one of you anyway. Basically, they Novocaine the area and then using a laser, remove the uvula and cut an incision on either side of where it used to be. That then develops scar tissue and serves basically like a baton in a sail - it firms the palate so you no longer get the flapping against the back of the throat which is what makes the noise. The surgery itself isn't painful, though apparently for 48 hours after you'll be on narcotics and some steroids for the pain. Considering I had my tonsils out under a local when I was 19, I know what I'm in for.

I was hoping to get the surgery done before going on my trip to Australia and New Zealand March 10th. Unfortunately, the doc likes to have two weeks of healing before traveling just in case, so I have to wait until I get back. That means my surgery will be the afternoon of March 24th. While it's disappointing I couldn't get it done before since I'll be sharing a room with people, at least it will finally be done!!

I look forward to being able to share a room with someone w/o having to worry/feeling guilty that I'm keeping them awake with my snoring. What a concept!

This moment of excitement is brought to you by the letter S and the number 0.

Reflections of Me

2008-02-18T11:55:00.000-08:00

Self-reflection and Self-work are hard.

Wonderful.

Rewarding.

Enlightening.

Tearful.

Necessary.

But hard.

This moment of brain vomit was brought to you by the letters BH and the number 1.

Off to Vegas

2008-02-15T11:07:00.000-08:00

I'm off to Vegas this evening. To be more specific, I have my final client meeting from 3-4pm and then I head straight to the airport for a 5:30 flight. The reason? Does one really need a reason to go to Vegas?

Well, in this case I have one. I'm going to a wedding. My first Vegas wedding. The story: rugby girl marries English rugby guy...in Vegas. Can you say drunk and debaucherous? I thought you could.

My liver aches in antici..................pation.

Have a great weekend all.

This moment of debauchery is brought to you by the letter V and the number 1.

Burning Man Tickets!

2008-01-16T11:17:00.000-08:00

Tickets went on sale at 10am today. Out of my way dust hippies! I already got my tickets for Burning Man 2008. Muahhahahahahahhahahahhahahahahha!

This moment of dusty evil was brought to you by the letters BRC and the number 3.

Social Distortion!

2008-01-10T12:00:00.000-08:00

Social D...how I love thee!

I got to see Social D at The Fillmore on Tuesday night. For those of you who have never seen a show there, it's one of the best venues around. There is so much history in that place, you can walk in and feel all the greats that have played there.

Let me preface this by saying I've wanted to see Social D for YEARS! I heart these guys and always have, but somehow have never managed to catch a show. They played Friday night and were supposed to play on Saturday and Sunday as well. However, Mike got sick and canceled the Sat and Sun shows. I was really nervous about them having to cancel ours on Tuesday as well, but he pulled through.

After a fabulous dinner of Ethiopian Food at the Sheba Lounge with Jason, Jules and Rick, we headed on over to The Fillmore. The opening band, Tumble Down, was pretty good. They have a good sound and are a somewhat appropriate band to open. It seemed like a long break between the opening act and when Social D came out. We had made our way toward the front so we could have a great view. Plus, Rick secretly wanted to hit the mosh pit. Once that was discussed, Jason went and checked out coats so we wouldn't have anything hindering our moves.

What an entrance! Mike Ness rolls out in his black pants, black t-shirt with a black leather jacket, holding a bunch of red roses. He casually strolled along the front of the stage throwing handfuls of them into the audience. Fucking rock star! They started with a couple acoustic, slight slower versions of Story of My Life and Ball and Chain. It only got better from there. They went through all the decades, starting with the most recent, to the 90s, the 80s and then even a few from the 70s. I heard songs I hadn't heard in years and some that were probably older than most of the people in the audience. Watching Mike rock was awesome. He'd move up front, be playing his guitar and head banging and other than a slightly larger neck, it would have been the same as watching him 20 years ago.

The mosh pit was in full swing. After getting hit on my already tweaked shoulder, I had to tap out. At one point they played a "Social Distortion Country Song" as Mike so eloquently stated. I looked at both my buddies and asked which one of them knew how to two-step. Unfortunately, neither of them did. How cool would it have been to two-step in the middle of a (now quiet) mosh pit? Yes, I really am that sick and wrong. Alas, an unfulfilled dream.

After a solid set, they came back for an encore. They ended with a fabulous rendition of Ring of Fire. It blows me away how these guys have been rocking for 30 years and are still amazing live. They are coming back the end of Jan/beg of Feb and I may just go see them again.

I've been singing Ball and Chain ever since. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to take a swing dance lesson when Ball and Chain is in your head? Muahahhahahahhaha.

This moment of Social D joy was brought to you by the letters M and N and the number 30.

Write to save the Hill of Tara

2008-01-07T22:10:00.000-08:00

Some of the most sacred ground in Ireland has become the focus of an intense controversy. The Hill of Tara, northwest of Dublin, has been a prehistoric burial place, a pagan sanctuary, and a seat of power for the Irish kings. This narrow valley is one of the most culturally and archaeologically significant places in the world. Many monuments predate the Egyptian pyramids. The Hill of Tara has been a sanctuary for every generation since. It is precisely because it has remained intact, unlike many comparable Continental sites, that it holds a special key to understanding the continuous progression of European civilization.

Now the Irish government is planning to build a four-lane highway through an adjacent valley. Early last year, archaeologists working on the route of the controversial highway near the village of Lismullin, stumbled across a vast Iron Age ceremonial enclosure, or henge, surrounded by two concentric walls. The 2,000-year-old site is just over a mile from the Hill of Tara, traditional seat of the ancient Irish kings and site of St. Patrick’s conversion of the Irish to Christianity in the fifth century A.D. The discovery of the massive henge, measuring more than 260 feet in diameter, confirms the long-held belief that the area around the hill contains a rich complex of monuments.

The extraordinary amount of archaeological remains on the Hill of Tara – burial mounds, religious enclosures, stone structures, and rock art dating from the third millennium B.C. to the twelfth century A.D.– makes it Ireland’s most spiritually and archaeologically significant site. Construction of the new M3 highway, meant to ease traffic congestion around Dublin, threatens not only the Hill of Tara’s timeless quality, but also newly discovered archaeological sites in the surrounding valley.

Lismullin and other sites that stand in the way of the new road are now approved for destruction. Although archaeologists and concerned Irish politicians are rallying support worldwide for the protection of the Hill of Tara, the iconic site remains in great peril. The European Commission has initiated legal action against the Irish government over the M3, charging Ireland with failing to protect its own heritage.

Tomorrow, Tuesday. January 11, 2008, there is a National Day of Action in Ireland, but it is important that protests are made internationally also. Many of you have asked how you can help.

We are asking that people write to important decision makers in the Irish government expressing your deep concern. You can either write your own letter of concern to Emer Deane, the Consul-General of Ireland in San Francisco, (address below) or cut and paste the following letter:

Dear Madam,

I am writing to you with deep and urgent concern regarding the freeway that is being constructed through the valley of the Hill of Tara, Lismullin and the Skyrne Valley in Ireland.

The Hill of Tara and its environs is famous worldwide and being a National and a World Monument sit, is one of the most culturally, spiritually and archaeologically significant places in the world . People from all over the world, come to Ireland because of its beauty, its heritage, and its history. Ireland is now in danger of losing a vital part of all three for the sake of a new road and a massive interchange by the hill of Tara.

We urge the Irish government to reconsider this decision and choose one of the many intelligent options that are still available : to improve the existing N3 motorway as per the original advertised scheme; to re-open the Navan-Dublin railway line, or just simply to move the M3 motorway from this delicate landscape, where it is currently environmentally unsound.

Every effort should be made to preserve this national/world monument and to halt this motorway, and stop what is ultimately the destruction of Ireland's heritage.

Yours sincerely,
etc...

The letter should be emailed to:

The Consul General of Ireland, SF. Her email address: Emer.deane@dfa.ie

Also, cc it to :
the Environment Minister, Minister Gormley : minister@environ.ie
The Taoiseach, Prime Minister of Ireland: taoiseach@taoiseach.gov.ie

Plus BCC it to Tarawatch: info@tarawatch.org (so that they have a copy, for safety).

Please write this email over the next 24 hours and forward it to interested people on your own list. Please BCC it so that everyone’s address does not become world property.

This moment of concern was brought to you by the letter I and the number 3000.

Bah Humbug?

2007-12-18T12:41:00.000-08:00

I haven't posted for a bit, mainly because life is just ... well, life these days. Nothing terrible, nothing amazing, just fairly steady. I've been working Dickens which has been fun. Far less drama than last year and I'm in a much better headspace than I was last year as well. It's been fun modeling in the Dark Garden windows. I've had a blast working at 3 Crips pub. This past weekend I also finally worked Mad Sal's pub which was also loads of fun. Got to meet and (kindly) torment two gay boys with Garvey. Good times, good times.

Went shopping last night. The whole purpose of the excursion was to see if I am, indeed, down yet another size. I learned that it depends on the cut of the pants. Some were fine. Others, well, if I were a ho, I'd have no problem wearing them, but seeing as how I'm not, it's going to be a few more pounds off before I wear those in public. I did end up buying a shirt that was a size smaller so that was nice.

I'm starting to see myself having the issue of buying clothing that I did back in the days when I was fit. If I find a top that fits everywhere, it doesn't fit across the girls. You know how most women complain about losing weight in their chest? I'm not one of those. I don't lose weight there. Even when I was fit my breasts were this size. So I find a shirt that fits everywhere, but is too tight across the chest. Particularly those designed by men where they have the buttons placed in the wrong position so there's a giant gap right there. You don't want to buy the bigger size because it doesn't look good as it's too big on you, but you feel like a slut wearing the shirt that is too tight across the chest. Ah the joys of being busty.

I'm at a weird point with my body right now. It's getting smaller which is great. However, it's getting smaller in various places at a time, not evenly everywhere. I noticed this in the mirror last night when shopping. I feel like my lower belly is getting bigger these days. What (I think) is actually happening is just that the upper belly is getting smaller and so it makes the lower look bigger, even though it is probably the same size. It just sticks out more now that the things around it are smaller. It's kind of like being in a half size - the size up is too big and the size down is a bit too small. Don't get me wrong - I'm glad some parts are getting smaller. I just wish all of them were. It was nice to hear this past weekend when the owner of our mead supplier said to someone, "BH has lost a ton of weight since last year. Whatever you are doing, keep doing it."

Then there's Christmas. "The most wonderful time of the year." Not so much. At least not so much for me. There are several reasons:

1. I hate how politically correct our society has become. Now it's no longer acceptable to wish someone a Merry Christmas because it might offend. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? If someone wishes me Happy Hanukkah, I don't get offended. If you don't celebrate, great, that's fine, but it doesn't mean you have to consider me an insensitive asshole because I wished you good tidings.
2. Continuing from number 1, if you don't want me to wish you a Merry Christmas, you go to work on Christmas. Seriously, if you're that concerned about separation of Church and State, why do you get to take the day off? You don't celebrate it and despite what our society has turned Christmas into, it's a religious holiday.
3. I hate obligatory gift giving. I'm not one of those people who likes to buy gifts because I have to. If I see something I think you will like, I'll buy it for you and give it to you because I want to, not because it's your birthday or it's Christmas. I hate how this holiday has been turned into commercial hell.
4. And this is probably the main reason: Dad died Christmas night. It will be 13 years this year. I'm doing far better with it than I ever have, but it still sucks. It's great that my nieces (3 and 1) are excited about Christmas. It makes me happy to see their excitement. I don't want to be one of those "old and bitter" types. It's just hard for me when everyone around you is happy and there's a bit of a cloud hanging over your head. That's not anyone else's fault, just sort of the way I feel right now.

I'm trying to not be cranky around this time of the year. Most of the time I succeed. I'm just not yet in the Christmas spirit and so things like Christmas Carols drive me nuts. Then again, this morning in the shower I started singing Private Eyes so who am I to complain about taste in music? :-)

All in all, life is good and I'm far happier than I've been in a long time. Maybe it's the rain, maybe it's the time of year, maybe it's just life but things just sort of ... are ... right now and that's okay.

I know this isn't my typical blog. You'll be returned to your regularly scheduled programming shortly.

This moment of reflection was brought to you by the letter C and the number 13.

The Battle Has Ended

2007-12-05T14:13:00.001-08:00

Received a phone call from SA last night. Momma C passed away yesterday afternoon.

A bright star has been extinguished. She was an amazing woman who always thought of everyone else before herself.

Thank you to everyone for keeping them in your thoughts/prayers. Please continue to keep the family in them during this difficult time and even harder holiday season.

Gone, but not forgotten. You will be missed Momma C.

This moment of sadness was brought to you by the letter C and a number too small.

When Does It End?

2007-11-30T12:27:00.001-08:00

Just got an vmail from my friend SA. She and I have been friends since we were 8 - played soccer together, rode horses together, etc. We've seen each other through a lot - divorce, death, a multitude of things. I learned a few weeks ago that C (her mom) has been battling lymphoma since March. In October she had a clean bill of health, but then a week or so later started having problems.

Apparently Momma C won't be with us much longer. Could be a week, could be a day or two. She's been having seizures and they moved her to ICU yesterday. Her blood pressure was around 20 this morning. They keep pulling fluid off her brain, but the lymphoma is moving too fast for the medicine.

Please keep their whole family in your prayers.

I'm so tired of this f*cking disease.

This moment of sadness was brought to you by the letter C and the number 22.

Thanksgiving Recap

2007-11-27T12:03:00.001-08:00

I flew to Wichita, KS last Tuesday at ass o'clock in the morning. My family alternates holidays with my brother's wife's family. This year they had Thanksgiving. It was 75 degrees when I arrived. The high the rest of the week was 40! Can you say brrrrrrrrrrrr? It's hard to when your teeth are chattering.

It was a great visit full of laughter, good food, Guitar Hero III and various other games. One of my brothers-in-law and I went rock climbing one day. It was a really good visit with my brother which was nice. We have both really grown and changed in the past few years and our new relationship is awesome. I'm really liking the time we spend together.

My nieces are adorable. Isabella is 3 and Katie is 1. They are super cute and so much fun. It snowed on Friday night about an inch or two so the girls got to play in the snow on Saturday morning and throw snowballs at Auntie Anna. It was nice to see Katie again. She has changed so much since I last saw her in March. She is all Krone (my mom's side) and man does she have a personality. She gives looks at 1 that I don't think I learned until far later. She's going to be a handful. Isabella is a great older sister and looks after Katie. She's a sweetheart and so cute and fun. Isabella broke my heart at one point - we were sitting there playing and I was holding her. She looks at me, puts both hands on my cheeks and says, "Auntie Anna, why you live far away?" I asked my brother if he had put her up to it and he hadn't. Then I asked the in-laws and they said, "No, but now that we know it works..."

I flew back on Saturday afternoon and worked Dickens Fair on Sunday. The madness begins! Beverage should prove to be yet another interesting place to work this year.

When I got home Sunday night, I checked my vmail and had one from Isabella. Read this with a 3 year old voice. "Ann...Auntie Anna, we had a fire ... and made marshmallows ... and they were so yummy." Then my brother got on to tell me they had made their first fire in the new house and since Isabella did such a good job at dinner, she got a special treat for dessert and they made marshmallows over the fire. It was so cute I almost cried.

I'm currently looking at flights for Christmas. I can't wait to see my nieces again. It's going to be hard to be so far away from them in NZ when I move. :-(

All in all, a great holiday and I can't wait for Christmas just so I can see my family again.

This auntie happiness was brought to you by the letters I and K and the numbers 3 and 1.

The Next Journey

2007-11-14T10:33:00.000-08:00

Some of you know I am planning to move to New Zealand. I've always wanted to live overseas. I'm young, single and have nothing tying me down. When I was in NZ almost 3 years ago, I fell in love with the beauty and the culture. I began the application process. Given that governments were involved, it took far longer than I ever expected. I was finally issued my residency visa in April. You have a year to establish residency so I have to be there by next April.

My goal is to have a job before going. Sure, I can afford to live for awhile without a job and if it comes down to that, I will do so. However, it'd be nice to know where my next paycheck is going to come from. Ah, if only I were independently wealthy. To that end (the job end, not the independently wealthy end), I've been slowly working on pulling my CV together and putting it in an appropriate format. My Kiwi buddy D who currently lives in Sydney has been reviewing and providing guidance. As of yesterday, it is in the final format.

What does that mean? It's time to start shopping my CV around NZ to see if I can get any hits. I'm hoping for Christchurch, though for what I do Auckland or Wellington would be easier bets. Naturally, one would assume I'd be all over this. Instead, I find myself hesitating.

Why? Why the hestitation? I can throw out all sorts of excuses: 1. I've been in my current job since I graduated from college. When I was interviewing in uni, no one expected you to know anything. Now I'm going to be expected to know something. 2. How does one write a cover letter again? All those skills have gone out the window. 3. I still haven't decided what I want to be when I grow up. The fundamental flaw is that I don't ever intend to grow up which makes the decision even harder. 4. In the past year and a half I have made some incredible friends. People who accept me for who I am - the good, the bad, the hilarious and the ugly. That's an incredibly hard support network to leave. It's not just a plane ride, it's a 14 hour plane ride from the West Coast.

What I'm starting to wonder now is if the hesitation is more a fear of realizing a dream. Am I really just scared to achieve something I have wanted for so long? Once that goal is attained, what will be next? Am I really fucked up enough to try and sabotage myself from doing something I have always wanted? If that is the case, that is sick and twisted.

Ultimately, the reasons don't matter. I'm not going to let anything (especially something as assanine as the latter possibility) keep me from doing this. I'm terrified and excited all at the same time. Terrified of the move around the world...and of the fact that there may be some validity to wanting to sabotage myself. Excited at fresh starts, realizing a dream and potentially pulling my head out of my arse.

Always one more thing to work on. Always one more path to follow. Always one more goal to attain. Isn't that what keeps us going?

This moment of reflection was brought to you by the letter A and the number 30.

Root Canal Update

2007-11-13T09:56:00.000-08:00

Thank you to everyone for your well wishes and for not sharing your horror stories.

I went in yesterday for appointment number 1. It was odd - I don't usually get nervous about dental procedures. They've never been any big thing for me. However, I was freaked out about this one. I love my dentist and I trust him, but I was really nervous. He did the first round of Novocaine and then waited a bit. When he started to do the second injection I could still feel it so he waited a little bit longer. Even after him waiting I could still feel it a bit. No biggie. Then he started the process.

I was a bit concerned when he initially didn't think he'd be able to get the file into the canal. He thought he was going to have to send me to a specialist in San Francisco. As I was sitting there, I said a quick prayer and it was answered - he was able to get in. Yay! He did all he needed to do. Then it became decision time. If he kept getting drainage, I was going to have to come back for a second appointment. If he was able to get it completely dry, he would be able to finish it in one. Luckily it dried up and so he just finished it in one appointment. I don't have to go back for a second. Yippee!

He gave me some professional strength Crest White Strips so I can bleach that tooth so it looks like the others. As I was driving into work, I felt pretty good. I could definitely feel it, but nothing bad. Last night it started throbbing. The gum was irritated and bruised. I was a bit surprised that a tooth that is now officially dead could still hurt, but boy did it! Finally I did a salt water rinse. Before going to bed I took an Excedrin and went to sleep. I woke up today and it feels loads better. The gum is still irritated, but the level of pain is gone. It's not 100%, but it's getting there.

As long as no infection develops I am home free. Keep your fingers crossed!

This moment of happiness it's over is brought to you by the letter R and the number 1.

Craptastic

2007-11-09T09:42:00.000-08:00

I saw my dentist today. I adore this guy. He's great. I've noticed that one tooth is a bit darker than the others and as I pointed it out to him he was about to ask me about it. He did an x-ray and it turns out I need a root canal. :-( He thinks I got hit at some point and the nerve has slowly died. I'm sure it happened at some point when I was playing rugby. I'm totally bummed and a little scared about it. Especially since it takes two different appointments. Not quite the news I wanted to hear. After that process finishes I can bleach it so it is the same color as my other teeth.

Please, if you have horror stories about root canals, don't share them. I'm dreading this enough as it is.

Aren't I too young to be having a root canal?

First appointment is Monday morning. What better way to start a Monday?

This moment of dread was brought to you by the letters R and C and the number 7.

Loss of a Friend

2007-11-07T09:44:00.000-08:00

This past weekend my best friend B flew into town. She lives in upstate NY. B and I met Junior year at university. We instantly bonded and became fast friends. We were so much alike - the same outlook on life, the same sense of humor, the same sarcasm...mine just slightly more caustic, etc.

B was always the one person I could talk to about things. In a time when I spoke to no one about what I was dealing (or not) with (Gram's death while talking on the phone to her, later that same year on Christmas night my dad's death, etc.), she was the one person I could confide in. We talked, we laughed, we drank, we cried, we drank, we made fun of others, we made fun of ourselves, we drank, we traveled, etc. Peas in a pod you might say.

She went on to grad school in Buffalo, eventually getting her PhD in psychology. I moved to San Francisco and started doing my IT Consulting crap. I went out to visit her a few times including her graduation. She came to visit me in San Francisco. B, K (another friend from college who also lives in SF) and I traveled to England and Ireland together. We made a pact to travel together every three years. So far it's only happened once. It should have happened two more times, but those two were in grad school and couldn't afford to go. Fair enough.

The past few years, that closeness hasn't been there for me. There are lots of little examples and stories I could share - the lame bachelorette party in New Orleans (I didn't know that was possible!) where she was having none of it; her wedding in NY; my gift which was supposed to be paying for their honeymoon tickets, but she asked if I could just give them money instead to help with the down payment on their house - I sent a check for a grand and had to ask several weeks later if she had received it because I never heard a peep; how I never really heard from her when my Uncle Jack died recently - she spent a week with me on spring break at his place one year, she spent holidays with us where he was there, she saw him at my mom's funeral and my brother's wedding so this is someone she also knew; etc. Ultimately, none of you really care.

I've changed a lot in the past 6 months-1 year. I'm finally starting to muddle my way through all the grief and sadness that I've kept down for so many years. I'm becoming a softer person. My humor is far less caustic, though still occasionally sneaks in when I'm tired or sad. I'm working at lowering the great wall of China I've built around myself. I'm starting to take care of me and to like me. At the same time, I've become more adventurous - got my motorcycle license, started rock climbing, went to Burning Man, started swing dancing, etc. I was pretty excited to share all that with her since we never seem to really talk anymore.

K picked B up from the airport on Thursday as I had to work. Apparently K talked to B and without going into a lot of details told her I had made significant progress recently, but B seemed to think she still knew me so well despite the fact we rarely communicate anymore. Well, B didn't ever try to get to know the new me. She wasn't interested. I think she expected us to fall right back into our old patterns, but that's not who I am anymore. At one point during the weekend I felt myself reverting to the old me. That's not who I *want* to be anymore, so I stopped and went back to who I am today. It was pretty much met with snarky comments the whole time. I told a story about Uncle Jack's memorial and she said in a totally aloof way, "Oh, yeah. I never asked you about that. How'd that go?" as she's looking off some other direction.

Sorry, I'm just venting now. Anyway, all I felt when I dropped her at the airport on Monday was relief. I guess what I learned is that she's not my best friend anymore. She's just a kind of friend. I can't control her end of the relationship. We've just grown into two different people and that's fine.

It just makes me sad. I'm tired of losing people close to me...even though this one is partially my decision and it's not like it's due to death. It's just a shame to lose the closeness with someone I thought would be a big part of my life forever. People change and I guess I just have to suck it up and deal, but somehow that doesn't make it any easier.

This moment of sadness was brought to you by the letter B and the number 10.

Off to Camp Swing!

2007-10-26T09:35:00.001-07:00

I'm off at noon today to spend a weekend dancing my booty off (yes, there really is that much dancing!) at Camp Swing. I'm super excited - I had such a fun time last year. I just hope I can actually do the partner dancing - I shredded my hands climbing on Tuesday...one spot on each hand down to the meat. Ow, quit it!

The part I'm really looking forward to - being able to catch up with so many friends I haven't seen in ages and to make some new ones. A couple of us have even plotted to skip a couple classes so we can catch up, but shhhhhhh, it's out little secret. Plus, it's in the Mendocino Woods so the location is stellar. I just hope I can stay warm enough at night - the cabins have no electricity and the only source of heat is a fire place. Woohoo! I know, I'm sick and wrong, but I love this kind of stuff!

It will be the perfect end to an otherwise rather long week. Hope everyone has a great weekend!

This moment of swinging was brought to you by the letter C and the number 11.

Happy Dance

2007-10-23T13:33:00.001-07:00

At the beginning of this month I was talking with my trainer around diet, nutrition, etc. He recommended separating my animal products from my grains. Not that I have to give up either, I just no longer combine them in meals. There should be at least two hours between eating the two. Vegetables are free and can be eaten with either or at anytime. Fruit should be eaten alone, again with at least two hours before putting anything else in.

I've been doing this since Oct 4th I think. A little over a week ago I started noticing a difference in my face/cheekbones. Last week I noticed my pants are looser than before. Last night I went to get a massage. When I walked in, my massage therapist said, "You look like you've lost weight just since the last time I've seen you." That had been 2 weeks before. I haven't weighed myself because I generally find the number too depressing and I'd rather go off how I look/how my clothes fit.

Eating this way has made me far more conscious of what I am putting in my system. I have to think about what I want to eat that doesn't combine the two. I find myself eating a lot more vegetables than I used to which is always a good thing.

I've also noticed a difference in my climbing. In the past few weeks (including an almost 2 week break) I've gone up 2 levels and I'm sure a large part of it can be attributed to losing some weight.

All in all, I'm pretty darn stoked and am going to continue eating this way to see what else happens. Good stuff! Keep your fingers crossed for me.

This moment of happy dance was brought to you by the letter W and the negative number of your choice.

Five (5) Worthwhile Minutes of Your Time

2007-10-22T14:48:00.000-07:00

Please go and watch this video:

www.youtube.com/v/ervaMPt4Ha0&autoplay=1

It was made by a 15 year old. Completely work safe. It may be the best 5 minutes and 23 seconds you've spent in awhile.

This moment of useful reminders is brought to you by the letter M and the number 1,000,000.

Memorial Weekend Recap

2007-10-16T09:27:00.001-07:00

Some people have asked how the memorial weekend went. Here's what I wrote in an email to a friend.

The weekend was good. There wasn't a lot of time for emotional processing. It's hard to do when others are around. My fave cousin Vinny picked me up at the airport. My brother picked up my cousin Jim and his son Mark V. at the other airport in Dallas. We met at Sam's Club and started shopping. It was quite an excursion with stops at 3 different stores and more food than God. We then drove down to the lake and unpacked everything. We took the boat out and went straight to put some gas in it. The daughter and son-in-law of Jack's longterm friend/girlfriend had been using the boat on some weekends. Well, we made it about 2/3 of the way there and the engine died - out of gas. We were not happy. Luckily we had a trolling motor and made a long slow journey the rest of the way. We filled it up, but then we still couldn't start her as the batteries were low. My cousin ended up hitching a ride back to the house to get my brother's car and the jumper cables to jump the boat. Eventually she started turning over and we were good to go. We plugged her in when we got back to the dock and she was fine the rest of the time. That night was a big drinking session, but a lot of fun.

Friday morning the rental and floral deliveries started arriving. We began cleaning the house and taking care of all the stuff we could. Then we went and met Royce, our fishing guide, at 1pm. It was a great afternoon on the water! We each easily caught over 100 fish. However, how many of those were actually big enough to keep is a different story. We ended up with about 50 fish at the end of the day. Jimmy caught the biggest fish - a nice catfish. I caught the most keepers - 12. Royce was loving the fact that I was the only girl and I caught the most fish. Someone had to keep the boys in line. :-) It was a really fun afternoon. We then went back to the house, hopped in the boat and went out to go for a swim. When Vinny had been down there when Uncle Jack was sit, they used to go out every evening and watch the sun set. He wanted to do the same thing so we did, only this time we watched it from in the water, a beer in hand and toasting Uncle Jack. It was really nice.

We headed back to the house and my cousin Mark arrived. Vinny's wife, Becky, their two kids and my sis-in-law Lisa showed up close to midnight. Jimmy and my brother had printed out a bunch of photos so that night Mark and I put the collages together. There were some great photos and it was a hilarious trip down memory lane. We finally finished around 2am.

Saturday morning was filled with cooking, setting up the tents and chairs, icing drinks, etc. We had probably close to 40 people. Some who had RSVPd didn't show, but it's okay. It was a really nice gathering. It was a great to finally meet so many people whose names I had heard for years. We had a table in front with his ashes, the flag (he had served in the Army), the flowers that had been sent and several W.C. Fields things Jack had collected as he was a huge fan. We had 4 easels we put on either side of the table with the collage photos and a framed photo of Jack. It was pretty informal, though we tarted up a bit. We started with Vinny welcoming everyone. Then my brother did an opening prayer. I read two poems. Then we opened it up for people to share stories. It was great to hear all these wonderful stories from people about my uncle. I learned a lot of things I didn't know. One of the guys there had known him for over 60 years. It was clear that everyone there really loved him and thought of the world of him. We then went down by the lake. My brother did a closing prayer/poem and we spread some ashes. Then we fed everyone (and had way too many leftovers). People eventually started to trickle away. It took us a bit to get everything cleaned up.

We went out at sunset again with everyone. We did some swimming and then as the sun started to touch the horizon my brother did a prayer, we had some silence and then we each spread some ashes. After, we pulled the boat as my brother is taking it back to Missouri. We just did leftovers for dinner and had some final time together. My brother and Lisa took off at 6am the next morning. Mark left at 8. The rest of us did more cleaning and then took off at noon for the airport. Everyone except Vinny that is who stayed an extra day or two to finish organizing things. He has to drive my uncle's Cobra out to Colorado where we are going to try and sell it.

They lost my bag on the flight home. Though we spread some at the lake, we each brought some back to do with/spread where we wanted. It was just a cluster once we got off the plane. The plane landed at 5:45 and I didn't get home until 8pm. They started us on one carousel which then jammed so they moved us to another. Then they moved us to yet another. About 30 of us never got our bags. They were trying to figure out what happened when the same thing happened to folks on the Miami flight as well. So then there is a huge queue to talk with the baggage people. I'm dealing with her and all she says is, "If it turns up, we'll deliver it to you." I said, "Can you at least tell me if it left Dallas?" "No." "So these barcodes are essentially just for show?" "Yep, it's all manual." Whiskey Tango Foxtrot? She then said if I wanted I could wait another 15-30 minutes to see if any other bags came up, but she doubted they would. I decided since I had already waited an hour, what's another 15 minutes? I was on the phone with my brother and a bit of a wreck. Bags finally started appearing on our original carousel and there mine was. Thank goodness!

I decided to take Super Shuttle home. I was in Terminal 3 so figured all we had to do was go to the International Terminal and then I would be heading home. We did, but then they went back to Terminal 1 to pick up someone else. Finally we were on our way. The woman he picked up last was the stereotypical Jewish American Princess. I was ready to smack her. We had to drop one guy at a hotel in Daly City. I think she just assumed that she would be taken straight home. The guy didn't have an address for the hotel and the driver was trying to find it. She was berating the driver and berating the other passenger and this that and the other. The driver finally said, "Ma'am, do you want me to pull over so you can drive?" It was like that the entire drive home. He (thankfully) dropped her off next so we were chatting about her as he drove me home. She was such a piece of work. I was ready to go postal on her. All I could think was, a) I was picked up first b) I'm in a lot of shoulder pain and c) they lost my bag with my uncle's ashes in it so who (the f*ck) are you to be bitching right now?

My shoulder has been bugging me since Thursday. I was sore on Wed from climbing the night before. Figured it was a continuation of that. However, it just kept getting worse and worse. It ached all the time and spread down into my bicep, forearm and my hand/couple fingers. I was pretty worried when flying back as I would try to pick up my beverage to take a drink and my hand was shaking. I had left a message for William (my trainer/healer) and spoke to my buddy Allen who used to do PT work. William called me yesterday morning and basically said it's just all a physical manifestation of all the emotional crap I'm dealing (or not) with right now. I guess it shouldn't surprise me as that's what we worked through initially when I saw him. I just kinda thought I was doing a lot better with it and this wouldn't occur again. At least I know it's that and not something seriously wrong. It actually held up okay yesterday when working out. After a good cry last night it seems to be back to normal today. Amazing really.

I know I still owe some blogs about my Australia trip and a bunch of other things. I'll get to them eventually. I have to fly to Houston this afternoon for work and will return on Friday night. Hopefully my bag will make it with me. :-)

This moment of recap was brought to you by the letter D and the number 68.

Off to Texas for Uncle Jack's Memorial

2007-10-10T12:10:00.000-07:00

I leave at ass o'clock tomorrow morning for Texas. It's time for my Uncle Jack's memorial. It will be at his lake house in the middle of nowhere. It's gorgeous!

I think it's going to be a great weekend. A couple of my cousins, my brother and I are arriving early to organize and setup. We're going to take a break and go out fishing on Friday afternoon with my uncle's favorite guide. A lot of other family arrives Friday evening. I'm going to get to see a bunch of family and friends I haven't seen in years which will be nice. Why is it we wait until occasions like this to do such things? Crazy1

Our plan for the memorial is to keep it positive. Start with an opening prayer, read a poem or some quotes, then open it up for everyone to share their stories of Jack and then a closing prayer followed by lots of bbq and alcohol. Just the family will go out on the boat to spread the ashes. We're putting together a collage of photos as well. That has been a trip down memory lane! Yep, that's me in my awkward teenage years with glasses and braces with my mom, my brother (also in his awkward teenage years), my gram and Uncle Jack. I can't believe I was that tiny (or that I'm sharing that photo with y'all). Oh where does the time go?

Uncle Jack - gone, but never forgotten. I miss you.

This moment of peace was brought to you by the letter J and the number 68.

Ring My Bell

2007-10-03T11:29:00.000-07:00

Too funny not to share.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-1224803740554922403

This moment of Doh! was brought to you by the letter B and the number 1.

Up, Up and Away!

2007-09-20T09:13:00.001-07:00

Well, I'm off to Sydney tonight. I am super excited for this trip. I'll be gone for 10 days.

While there, I will be staying with a Kiwi buddy who is living in Sydney. We're going to do an overnight in the Hunter Valley, an overnight in the Blue Mountains, a behind-the-scenes tour at the zoo, etc. Oh, and a couple Rugby World Cup All Blacks matches will be on while I'm there. Woohoo! I can't wait!! I am in need of a vacation. Keep your fingers crossed I can sleep on the 14 hour flight and don't arrive cracked out of my mind.

Oh, anyone want to give me a lift to the airport tonight? :-)

This moment of excitement was brought to you by the letter S and the number 2.

The Next Level

2007-09-19T08:47:00.000-07:00

Last night at the climbing gym I finally completed a route that was one level above where I've been climbing. It beat me on Sunday, but after talking it through with Allen I had a plan of attack and it totally worked. I'm super excited!

But wait, there's more. I got half way up a route that is two levels above where I've been climbing. Again, it had defeated me just a fraction of the way up on Sunday, but had come up with a plan of attack (thanks again to Allen) and totally made it past the point that had stopped me twice before. Unfortunately, I was a bit tired by the time I got half way up and so didn't make it to the top. However, it just leaves more for next time.

I heart climbing. :-)

This moment of excitement was brought to you by the the letter C and the number 5.7.

Thank You For Your Time

2007-09-18T11:49:00.001-07:00

A story I received on email today:
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------It had been some time since Jack had seen the old man. College, girls, career, and life itself got in the way. In fact, Jack moved clear across the country in pursuit of his dreams.

There, in the rush of his busy life, Jack had little time to think about the past and often no time to spend with his wife and son. He was working on his future, and nothing could stop him.

Over the phone, his mother told him, "Mr. Belser died last night. The funeral is Wednesday." Memories flashed through his mind like an old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days.

"Jack, did you hear me?"

"Oh, sorry, Mom. Yes, I heard you. It's been so long since I thought of him. I'm sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago," Jack said.

"Well, he didn't forget you. Every time I saw him he'd ask how you were doing. He'd reminisce about the many days you spent over 'his side of the fence' as he put it," Mom told him.

"I loved that old house he lived in," Jack said.

"You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to make sure you had a man's influence in your life," she said

"He's the one who taught me carpentry," he said. "I wouldn't be in this business if it weren't for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things he thought were important...Mom, I'll be there for the funeral," Jack said.

As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to his hometown. Mr. Belser's funeral was small and uneventful. He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away.

The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time.

Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another dimension, a leap through space and time The house was exactly as he remembered. Every step held memories. Every picture, every piece of furniture....Jack stopped suddenly.

"What's wrong, Jack?" his Mom asked.

"The box is gone," he said

"What box?" Mom asked.

"There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk. I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he'd ever tell me was 'the thing I value most,'" Jack said.

It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box. He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it.

"Now I'll never know what was so valuable to him," Jack said. "I better get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom."

It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died Returning home from work one day Jack discovered a note in his mailbox. "Signature required on a package. No one at home. Please stop by the main post office within the next three days," the note read.

Early the next day Jack retrieved the package. The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago. The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention. "Mr. Harold Belser" it read. Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package. There inside was the gold box and an envelope. Jack's hands shook as he read the note inside.

"Upon my death, please forward this box and its contents to Jack Bennett. It's the thing I valued most in my life." A small key was taped to the letter. His heart racing, as tears filling his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box. There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch.

Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the cover. Inside he found these words engraved:

"Jack, Thanks for your time! -Harold Belser."

"The thing he valued most was...my time"

Jack held the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days. "Why?" Janet, his assistant asked.

"I need some time to spend with my son," he said.

"Oh, by the way, Janet, thanks for your time!"

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away,"

Think about this. You may not realize it, but it's 100% true.

1. At least 2 people in this world love you so much they would die for you.
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.
3. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.
4. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.
5. You mean the world to someone.
6. If not for you, someone may not be living.
7. You are special and unique.
8. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you trust God to do what's best, and wait on His time, sooner or later, you will get it or something better
9. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good can still come from it.
10. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.
11. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
12. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.
13 . Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know and you'll both be happy
14. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To all my friends and family - thank you for your time.

This moment of perspective was brought to you by the letter T and the number 30.

Off to Black Rock City

2007-08-24T19:14:00.000-07:00

In just a few hours, my buddy Stephen and I are off to Black Rock City. I need a week of sunshine, laughter, craziness, friends and yes, even dust. I can't wait! I got my hair braided yesterday with some fabulous colors and beads. Pictures will be following. The above is from last year.

Stop on by Iron Rose and say hi. We're on the 4:30 Plaza at G. (Truly 4:30 Plaza at 7:00, but people get confused not remembering the Plaza is a circle). We're having a hafla Tuesday night and you'll be able to find me bartending while the lovely ladies of my camp belly dance. Come by and shake your groove thing around 8pm.

It's good to be going home to Burning Man.

I'll be back after Labor Day. Y'all take care.

This moment of antici.................................pation was brought to you by the letters B, R and C and the number 365.

Messy

2007-08-16T07:52:00.001-07:00

It's been awhile since I've posted. Not because life is boring. It's just been crazy.

First, the mundane:
- After attending a buddy's wedding a few weeks, I ended up with food poisoning. Talk about miserable!

- I tried rock climbing a few days after the food poisoning. I got about half way up a wall and just started laughing as I had ZERO strength.

- The Violent Femmes were back in town a couple weeks ago and so hung out with them again. Always a good time.

- The next night I got to see Eddie Izzard live which pretty much rocked my socks! He's priceless and I just laughed and laughed and laughed.

- Burning Man preparation is in full force and I'm a bit stressed. Been sewing like a mad woman and trying to get everything sorted and figure out what I need to buy.

-Went climbing again last night after essentially two weeks off. I'm amazed at how quickly things fade - my callouses, my grip strength, etc. Was a bit frustrating, but ended well all in all. Need to work on my technique as I'm fighting a harder battle as it is w/ the not so hot strength-to-weight ratio. I still love it and am hopefully going again on Sunday. It will be a much needed break from playa packing.

Second, the not so mundane and the real reason I've been MIA:

My favorite uncle died Friday, Aug 3rd. This is the one I posted about awhile ago. He was the last one left on my mom's side. I'm now officially out of grandparents, parents and uncles...at the age of 30. Woe is me? You bet your ass I'm having a pity party over here. Uncle Jack has been a part of my life since before I can remember. I can't believe he's gone.

My brother, my favorite cousin and his family, another cousin and one of his sons and I all met at UJ's lake house in nowhere Texas. We spent the week going through the house and cleaning, sorting, taking to the dump, taking to Salvation Army, etc. When we needed a break we'd take the boat out and water ski or swim. It was good to be with family and we had a lot of laughs. I seem destined to be the one in the family who finds the polaroids. I found them when cleaning out my mom's house and now my uncle's as well. My eyes, my eyes!

So check out this timeline:
Grams and Dad die in '94
In 2000 (6 years later) I decide I really should start to work on dealing with it.
A few weeks later I get the call that mom was sick.
In 2001 mom dies
In 2007 Uncle Jim (mom's oldest brother) dies. Not a real loss for me as we were never close.
In 2007 (6 years later) I decide I really should start to work on dealing with it.
A few weeks later I get the call that Uncle Jack died.

So clearly I should decide to just not work on stuff as the track record is pretty shitty.

Ever since I've been back from Texas I'm a bit of a mess. I'm in a weird head space and can't seem to break out of it. I'm not thinking clearly and am exhausted all the time. Yesterday something that was minorly disappointing happened and I just lost it.

I'm not good at being a mess. I don't know how it's done. I hate it because I don't know how to deal with it. I'm not good at being lost.

I had a session with my trainer today where he worked on me. Not surprisingly, everything is out of wack right now. I think I sometimes surprise him that I'm still able to function based on what's going on internally. Of course, it's that toughness that causes him to have to hack into my system (painful!) to be able to work on everything. What he didn't know is how impressive it is that I can occasionally cry these days. There was a period of time where even though I wanted to, I couldn't because I'd forced myself not to for so long.

My homework - to be honest with my feelings and let them happen. How exactly does one do that after years of numbing them and bottling them up? Buehler? Buehler?

This woe-is-me moment was brought to you by the letter M and the number 5.

Is it time to let go?

2007-07-23T15:08:00.000-07:00

This morning I had a session with my trainer at 6am. After kicking my ass, I asked him to do some healing work on my left forearm. It's been really sore from the climbing gym recently.

Let me preface this with saying I'm a Midwest girl. Though I definitely believe that there are some benefits in Eastern medicine, there is part of me that still things some of it is a bit dodgy.

That said, W is good and knows what he is doing. He always knows where to work and I can feel the benefit of what he does, even if at the time it is a bit painful. Today, as he put it, he basically hacked into my yin lines (I'm so screwing up terminology here) and opened up some channels. Then he did some work on the forearm. I could definitely feel the channels starting to open and warmth in my left side and leg. It was a painful process to get there though. He had to do some serious shoulder work to make that possible and it hurt like a son of a bitch. As in, tears were involved in the pain, but it worked.

The problem - according to him is most of the pain I'm dealing with is actually "blocked emotion in my spleen." See, this is where my Midwest self started to question. But he went on to talk about it was clearly stuff from my parent's death that I'd been holding a long time and was now dealing with the physical manifestation of. I was amazed at how much I was holding back. At one point W let go of my forearm and it just stayed upright instead of dropping to the ground like it should. I could feel things starting to open up. Then he said, "This is going to be a lot of work and it's going to be painful for you emotionally, sweetie. Are you sure this is something you want to tackle?"

My first thought was more along the lines of, listen mate, I hate crying period, let alone crying in front of other people. Now I'm supposed to become a basket case in front of my "ex"? That sounds great.

Then I realized how retarded that line of thinking really was. Well, I figure maybe after almost 13 years and 6 years it's about time to deal with some of this eh? It was a bit depressing that as soon as he stopped working my left forearm went cold as I started to shut things back down. We're going to have another session this week. He told me in the meantime to put a hand over my spleen and breathe gently into that space at least once a day.

After the session I went out to my car and had a good cry. Then I came home and decided to take a nap which turned into about 4 hours. Fell asleep with my hand over my spleen. I guess that's a good thing.

I can't say my forearm feels any better. In fact, it hurts like a bitch and I'm still a bit weepy. It makes me question whether this is a path I want to start down. It's guaranteed to be rocky. Do I want to peel back the scab and expose the wound below? Do I want to tear down the walls that have served me so well for so many years? Walls are built for a reason and they do a damn good job.

For the first time, I feel like I might be ready to do just that. I suppose there is some sort of beauty in that realization. The past year/year and a half has been about meeting challenges and learning/doing new things because I am terrified of some of them - getting my motorcycle license, rock climbing, going to Burning Man, etc. Why not actually do something internally that terrifies me as well?

One request - Bear with me if I am a wreck during this period.

This moment of reflection was brought to you by the letter W and the number 13.

Untouchable Face

2007-07-16T17:27:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday was a lovely day. I met Laurie in Santa Clara for breakfast. We then went and saw the newest Harry Potter film. For those of you who read the books, you know that this one was a bridge book. The movie is a bridge movie. I liked it and it's definitely worth seeing. Just keep in mind it's setting the stage for the next two.

That evening, Tanya, Chris, Monique, John and I all went to see Ani DiFranco. It was an amazing show! She really knows how to connect with the crowd and told lots of stories about her 5 month old baby. She's very engaging and I see why people like her. After, we gorged ourselves on some sushi at Sushi Rock and then headed home.

I've always defined good music as music that speaks to you. Music to which I can relate. Lyrics that make me say, "Yes, I totally understand what you mean." or "Yes, I've been there." To that end, Ani played this one at the concert and it really spoke to me about some past events in my life.

Untouchable Face:

think i'm going for a walk now
i feel a little unsteady
i don't want nobody to follow me
'cept maybe you

i could make you happy, you know
if you weren't already
i could do a lot of things
and i do

tell you the truth i prefer the worst of you
too bad you had to have a better half
she's not really my type
but i think you two are forever
and i hate to say it but you're perfect together

so fuck you
and your untouchable face
fuck you
for existing in the first place
and who am i
that i should be vying for your touch
who am i
bet you can't even tell me that much

2:30 in the morning
and my gas tank will be empty soon
neon sign on the horizon
rubbing elbows with the moon
safe haven of the sleepless
where the deep fryer's always on
radio is counting down the top 20 country songs

out on the porch the fly strip is
waving like a flag in the wind
you know i really don't look forward
to seeing you again soon.

you look like a photograph of yourself
taken from far far away
i won't know what to do
i won't know what to say

so fuck you
and your untouchable face
fuck you
for existing in the first place
and who am i
that i should be vying for your touch
who am i
bet you can't even tell me that much

i see you and i'm so perplexed
what was i thinking
what will i think of next
where can i hide
in the back room there's a lamp
that hangs over the pool table
and when the fan is on it swings
gently side to side
there's a changing constellation
of balls as we are playing
i see orion and say nothing
the only thing i can think of saying

is fuck you...

Terrible Decision

2007-07-11T13:17:00.000-07:00

Many of you know that I grew up riding horses. We used to fox hunt (before you fly off the handle - our hunt never killed), event, show jump, dressage, etc. I rode and competed from the time I was 7 until around 19 or 20. It was a wonderful time in my life.

I got my horse MaGee (show name was Maximum Effort) when I was 13. He is exactly one month older than I. We taught each other so much and he was my best friend. He always knew what I wanted and was willing to do it. Lord knows he saved my ass multiple times in the hunt field.

After my father died, he was being kept on a friend's land about 20 minutes away. I was house sitting for them for a bit in January. One night I was out in the hot tub and incredibly sad about my father. MaGee came up to the fence and softly whinnied. Even though it was freezing outside, I went over to him. He just laid his head on my shoulder and let me cry. Then he moved up alongside the fence and I hopped on bareback, no halter, no anything. He slowly walked me around the pasture and just let me be. That probably sounds silly to non-horse people, but those who have had that kind of connection will understand.

When I was 19 or 20, the sister of our friend was in town with her two daughters. They live in Mississippi. Annie was 13 at the time and fell in love with him. Her mom called my mom to ask if there was any way Annie could have MaGee. It was a tough decision, but I was only home from school during the summers and Annie would be able to take care of him the way I used to. It was a hard goodbye, but off he went to Mississippi. She competed him for years as well and he was a happy boy.

Two years ago they wrote me to say he had developed allergies to the mold down there during the summers and would develop heaves. They always thought he would live out his days down there, but it was hard to see him so miserable during the summers. They asked if I had any ideas.

We ended up moving him back to Missouri to another friend's place. They have my brother's old horse as well. The two were back together and having fun being ornery in their old age.

I just received an email from Mary. Apparently most of his teeth are now gone (he is 30). He couldn't even eat hay. They put him on Equine Senior and with the spring grass he did really well. Now that it is summer and the grass is tough, he's dropping weight rapidly. They are increasing the amount of Equine Senior. As she wrote me, "We're thinking putting up a small round pen on the lawn, and letting him graze clover at nights, feeding senior morning and evening and leaving him with the others (where there's shade) during the day, which will last until the lawn dries up. The problem is that this is getting very expensive. I've been thinking for some time that Palo probably should be put down this summer--he just isn't comfortable in his old horse body, with one weak hind so has to lean on stalls at times, can't really get down to roll and get back up, etc. I hate to have MaGee put down as well, as he is basically sound and affectionate and still seems to be enjoying being a horse. And he could still be ridden, if we can get him out of his bony state. But with him needing more and more E.Sr. to eat, in addition to the usual horse expenses, I'm beginning to wonder. Your thoughts would be appreciated, as I still think of him as your horse. He's a great old fellow--sorry this isn't a very happy message."

I just don't know what to do. I can totally help with the expenses. The question is, how long does that help? What will he do during the winter when there's no grass whatsoever? Is it just delaying the inevitable? Starvation is a horrible way to go and not fair since we have options that keep him from suffering.

I'm at a loss and I hate this. What is best for my best friend? Who am I to make a life and death decision?

This moment of sorrow is brought to you by the letter M and the number 30.

For Men Who Have Wondered

2007-07-10T10:25:00.000-07:00

For any of you men who may have wondered why women go through phases of thinking men are assholes, perhaps what happened to me last night will shed a little light on the subject.

I met up with Allen, Jessie, Adam, Josh and Evan at Lucky 13 for a few beers last night. Around 9:30 or so we decide to run around the corner for some food. Allen and Jessie hit the taqueria. Adam and I went to Burgermeister because we both had a hankering (yes, I just used the word hankering) for burgers. We order and sit down by the window and the front door to wait, start having a nice conversation, etc.

There was a guy who was obviously drunk sitting at the counter also waiting for food. He had been staring at me ever since I entered. Fair enough, drunk guy staring, no biggie.

His order was ready before ours. As he was leaving, he was staring at me again. He starts to walk out the door, then suddenly stops and comes back in. He looks at me and says, "I'm drunk off my ass right now, but your tits are perfect." Then he gives me the thumbs-up and walks out the door.

Adam and I just sat there with our mouths hanging open. I couldn't even make a response to tell him to piss off. I was just in shock.

Perhaps it was the location that made it so awkward. It's one thing when it happens in a bar (still inappropriate, but you get used to it in that setting), but when you are just sitting there having a pleasant conversation waiting for a burger and someone says that? Holy inappropriate thing to say Batman! Uh, dude, we can hear you. That's your outside voice.

What is the thought process that leads someone to think that's an appropriate thing to say to someone?

For the record, yes, I know a number of you are going to say that to me the next time you see me. Sick bastards! :-)

This moment of shedding a little light was brought to you by the letter T and the number 2.

Communication

2007-07-07T11:41:00.000-07:00

Communication is a wonderful, and sometimes dangerous, thing. Perhaps I should say full communication is a wonderful thing.

Thursday night I received a text message that threw me for a loop. While complimentary, it seemed inappropriate from the particular person given our history and it made me sad. I chatted with a few people who know the situation to get their take on the message. Some were similar to mine, others provided a fresh perspective.

Ultimately, I wrote the person back the next day with a simple thank you and asked what had brought that on. When the explanation came through it made perfect sense as to why the message had been sent and the full intentions behind the sending. Gone was the sadness. Gone was the confusion. Gone was the uncertainty.

It was a wonderfully simple lesson to not jump to conclusions and to just ask if confusion is present. I'm a slow learner about some things so it's always nice to be reminded.

This moment of learning was brought to you by the letter C and the number 2.

Tonight I'm Reminded

2007-07-06T09:32:00.000-07:00

David Bowie's cover of Wild is the Wind. Tonight's song because I'm melancholy and I say so.

Love me, love me, love me, love me, say you do
Let me fly away with you
For my love is like the wind, and wild is the wind
Wild is the wind
Give me more than one caress, satisfy this hungriness
Let the wind blow through your heart
For wild is the wind, wild is the wind

You touch me, I hear the sound of mandolins
You kiss me
With your kiss my life begins
You're spring to me, all things to me
Don't you know, you're life itself!

Like the leaf clings to the tree,
Oh, my darling, cling to me
For we're like creatures of the wind, wild is the wind
Wild is the wind

You touch me,
I hear the sound of mandolins
You kiss me
With your kiss my life begins
You're spring to me, all things to me
Don't you know, you're life itself!

Like the leaf clings to the tree,
Oh, my darling, cling to me
For we're like creatures in the wind, and wild is the wind

Wild is the wind
Wild is the wind
Wild is the wind
Wild is the wind

F*CKING HELL!

2007-06-22T10:11:00.000-07:00

The landlord finally called me last night and left me a voicemail. She talked about wanting to meet to sign the lease, etc. Then she says that the rent will actually b e $200 more a month than what had been advertised. She also said she has an offer for $300 more a month, but wanted to give me an option at the "reduced rate" of $200 more a month.

WTF? I looked at the place at a certain price. I wrote a check for the place to save it at a certain price. Now all of a sudden it's $200 more a month? Sure, I could afford it, but it just doesn't make sense to be paying that much for a place per month. If I had a roomie, I wouldn't think twice. But, it's just me.

Not to mention the principle of the thing. Blame it on my Midwest self, but I just don't understand doing business this way. I know it's SF and they can get away with it, but it really just chops my hide. Not to mention the fact that I stopped my search for a week and a half because I thought I was set.

I'm so hopping mad right now I can hardly stand it. I called her back this morning and left her a vmail asking to call me. I'll see if I can talk her out of it, but in the meantime, the apartment hunt continues.

This moment of fuming is brought to you by the letter L and the number 200.

It's Really Sad

2007-06-21T11:23:00.000-07:00

When I get excited about *only* paying $3.13 for a gallon of gas.

Shoot me now!

This incredulous moment was brought to you by the letter G and the number 3.13.

New Home Excitement

2007-06-20T11:22:00.000-07:00

I've been doing the apartment hunt. It sucks. The market is awful and the entire process is tedious. The people who currently live above me have two small children. Their babysitter is looking for a place to live and obviously it's very convenient for them if she moves in downstairs in the in-law where I currently am. They don't want to ask me to leave because we really enjoy being neighbors. However, I didn't think I would be there as long as I have been because of New Zealand. They've been such great neighbors I told them I would look for a place and we agreed I'd be out by mid-July.

The search was long and...well, tedious. Due to suggestions by Tanya and Strawberry, I finally typed up exactly what I was looking for in a place. That afternoon I checked Craigslist for the umpteenth time and saw an ad for a house over at 38th and Balboa. I went and looked at it that night. The girl who is currently living in it is only leaving because she's moving to Australia. It was probably built in the teens and is awesome. I instantly fell in love with it. Remember the old nooks they had in hallways for the telephone? It still has the pullout bench below so you can sit and talk! There are two bedrooms, a living room, formal dining room, kitchen, bathroom with a tub (woohoo!) and a gorgeous back yard. Laundry in the garage. It's a bit more than I would like to pay, but is at the top end of what I said I could afford to pay.

I filled out an application and wrote a check right then. The girl living there put me at the top of the list with the landlord. I spoke with the landlord briefly last Friday and she was supposed to look over the application that night or the next day and call me. I've been trying to get hold of the landlord for days now to no avail. I was starting to freak out a bit as I had sort of stopped my search.

I just got an email from the girl living there. She had spoken to the landlord who seemed to have no problem with me moving in and is supposed to call me today. Hopefully she will and this can be sorted! Then I can have a fabulous new house and entertainment space!

Woohoo!

This moment of house hope was brought to you by the letter H and the number 2.

It's Official! I'm a Biker Babe

2007-06-07T09:33:00.001-07:00

As of about 2:45pm yesterday, I am officially a biker babe. That's right, I now have my M1 license. Open road, here I come!!!

I was a bit nervous about the test and as it turns out, I had to take both the motorcycle and driving written test. The motorcycle one is pretty tricky. There were a few questions I skipped over and came back to. Ultimately, I ended up guessing on a couple. I hadn't read the driving book at all. Turns out I missed one question on each. Go me!

This moment of vroom was brought to you by the letter M and the number 1.

Fat Rant

2007-06-06T08:57:00.001-07:00

I love this!!! It's 7 minutes, but worth watching. This woman is gorgeous. Thanks to Panty Free for passing it on.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yUTJQIBI1oA

This fat rant was brought to you by the letter F and the number 224.

Every Little Thing

2007-06-05T10:10:00.000-07:00

This past weekend I was up in Tahoe for the Valhalla Ren Faire. It was great to see so many familiar faces again. Thursday night I drove up after making a pit stop to see some dear friends in Woodland. I arrived a bit after midnight. Friday we started the build process. Unfortunately, we ended up being multiple people down for the weekend so it made for a long build day. Saturday morning was finishing the build process and putting out product. Around noon I was finally able to shower and put on garb. After that shower I felt like a whole new woman! Saturday night a group of us went out for some really bad Mexican food, but we were able to laugh our way through it. That night, Chris and I played with fire swords which was a blast. I can't believe he trusted me enough to do that, but it sure was fun until we got shut down by security.

Overall, the weekend was a lot of fun. It's always fun to work ale because I get to be as obnoxious as I want and people like to tip me for it. Yes, I realize they are tipping just because I have good boobs, but I'm okay with that. :-)

Tanya and I drove back late Sunday night. We were both cracked out of our minds and had several moments of laughing so hard we almost spit soda in the car and/or peed our pants. Too funny! Gotta love location comedy.

And now for something completely different....the larch.

Spoke to my brother last night. It turns out my uncle was back in the hospital this past weekend. He was having a lot of trouble breathing last week, but since he had an appointment with his pulmonologist on Friday, waited to drive up to Dallas to see him. By the time he arrived, he was barely able to breathe. Someone saw him in the parking lot and got him a wheelchair and took him up to the doctor. I guess he was sweating, panting and completely gray. At this point I guess he was 5 minutes late and the receptionist told him he had missed his appointment and would have to come back in 4 hours. He told her he needed to see the doctor now. She told him he was in a procedure. The nurse who had found him in the parking lot read this woman the riot act and told her to go get the doctor right away. He came out, took one look at him and said, "Take him to the ER and admit him RIGHT NOW!"

Apparently his diaretics (sp?) weren't working and he was essentially drowning. They kept him over the weekend and gave him some injectable diaretics. I think he lost something like 20 pounds of water weight during his stay. He's now back home and doing better. He told my brother that at one point he didn't think he was going to make it. Very scary, but now he knows what it feels like when it is starting and to not wait to get to the doctor when it begins.

I'm worried about him, especially now that my other uncle (his brother) died on my birthday. That means Uncle Jack is the only one left and I think that's hard on him.

In other news, I'm in the middle of an apartment hunt. Keep your fingers crossed I find a good place soon!

This moment of random blogging was brought to you by the letter A and the number 30.

Best Birthday Ever!

2007-05-30T22:11:00.000-07:00

I really should turn 30 every year. This has been a fabulous birthday!

It all began two weeks ago. That Thursday night I got my hair cut and for the first time in my life, my hair was blown dry straight. I've never seen myself with straight hair before! My initial reaction was I looked like my mom. I really liked it! I kept doing "Pantene moves" and running my fingers through my hair because for the first time in my life I could. :-)

After the hair cut, I hit a few stores to start the shopping process for the weekend. I then met Allen and Jessie at Le Colonial. Sue, Jenna, and the whole gang were there. We hung out for a bit and then I headed home to get some sleep.

Friday morning dawned and it was time to pack and then hit some more stores. Everywhere I went people kept staring at me. I couldn't figure out why on earth people were looking at me. It's not like they knew I had curly hair and it was suddenly straight. It wasn't until I was in Costco in Folsom and checking out that the woman said, "I love your ears." I looked at her oddly and said, "That's the strangest compliment I've ever received." She grinned and pointed to the top of my head. That morning when I was packing, I was also straightening up. I picked up a pair of leopard print cat ears from a costume. At the time, I needed a free hand so I put them on my head and completely forgot about them. So there I was, rolling around town and multiple stores wearing a black skirt, a red t-shirt that says, "I'm what Willis was talkin' 'bout" and fecking leopard print cat ears on my head. My thought - yep, I'm about to turn 30. That's how I roll. So of course, once I knew they were there they stayed there all day.

I then headed on up to Tahoe as we had rented a house near South Lake. There were going to be 12 of us for the weekend. Carol was the first to arrive and she helped me unload all the food and alcohol. After exploring the house which was phenomenal, we settled in and the cocktails started flowing. As people weren't going to be arriving for some time, we headed into town and had a nice bite to eat. Then it was back to the house and eventually people started arriving. More cocktails were made and the laughter that didn't stop for the entire weekend began. We eventually made a big pasta dinner around 11pm. The last folks arrived around midnight and after helping Chris and Tanya unload even more copious quantities of alcohol, we all had a late evening.

Saturday morning we all got a late start. We eventually ate breakfast around noon - yummy blueberry buckwheat pancakes and 4lbs of bacon. That's right, 4 pounds of bacon!! That afternoon, Carol and Deidre went hiking, Stephen and Allen went rock climbing, Sue and Anna made me a carrot cake from scratch and then a crew of us went up to Silver Lake to go fishing. Karen and Denis drove up that day and joined us at Silver Lake. Once we arrived we hiked around to a different area. It was a bit surreal to hike through a little patch of snow. Chris was our Master Baiter and got rods set up for all of us. They had gotten me a pink Disney Princess fishing rod that's maybe 2 feet long. I love it! Plus, I got to put stickers on it including Ariel - I couldn't resist the irony.

Diter caught a nice sized rainbow trout. Then, on the last cast of the day, Tanya caught Moby Dick - an enormous (20"!!!!) German Brown trout. It was totally impressive!
We got back to the house around 8pm, started the grill and put out the appetizers. It was another late dinner that included trout, tri-tip, hamburgers, bacon-wrapped asparagus, corn, garlic mashed potatoes, etc. Freaking delicious! Then it was time for yummy carrot cake. People ended up surprising me with gifts all weekend which just blew my mind. All I wanted was my friends around me, little did I know how they had been plotting for presents - roses, various candles to help me on my journey, face wash, princess fishing rod and a Keane CD. Then, a group of them went in to buy me a new Kilimanjaro motorcycle riding jacket. I was obviously blown away!!

After delicious carrot cake, the next logical step was a fabulous bottle of Clynellish Single Malt. Mmmm mmmm good! We carried on until quite late (or early). I finally disappeared to enjoy the jacuzzi tub in the master bathroom.

Sunday morning we had a lazy morning of lounging on the couch of inertia. Karen and Denis made us a delicious breakfast of omelets, fruit salad and fried leftover mashed potatoes. Then it was the horrible part of the weekend - packing up. Before everyone left we decided to do one group photo.

Did I mention this house was phenomenal? Some of you know I'm a total bathroom slut. The Master Bathroom had a big jacuzzi tub. At the foot of the tub was a fireplace that separated it from the bedroom. At the other end of the jacuzzi tub was the shower. Not just any shower, THE shower. It doubled as a sauna. We dubbed it the "orgy shower". Naturally, that's where we took our group photos. All 12 of us in the shower with room to spare. Hilarious!

As we left the house, I took a few minutes to reflect on the weekend. After a moment, I said out loud to the universe, "Thank you. Just, thank you." I was, and am, so overwhelmed at just how lucky I am to be surrounded by amazing people. I don't know what I did to deserve such wonderful people in my life, but I am so grateful!

Instead of heading home, I joined Chris and Tanya and we headed up to the waterfall above Fallen Leaf Lake. We climbed down to the falls and enjoyed some final minutes of sunshine, mountain air and peace. Unfortunately, we eventually tore ourselves away and started the drive home. We stopped in Folsom at the outlet stores. Tanya and I have both been needing new shoes. We had a shoe orgy and I got 9 pairs and she got 6. The best part - I only spent ~$270. For 9 pairs of Naturalizers and Aersoles. Not to mention, I got a FABULOUS new pair of playa boots. Woohoo!
That was the weekend. Tuesday night I went out to dinner with my friend Kathleen. She had been telling me for ages she had a gift for me for my 30th that she had gotten when back in Galway (Ireland) with her husband. She took me to NOPA which was really tasty!! It turns out she had gotten me a gorgeous Claddagh ring. Inscribed on the inside is Love, Loyalty and Friendship. It is the prettiest Claddagh I have ever seen. I love it and wear it all the time.
Wednesday night I ended up spending the evening with Tanya which was lovely.
On my actual birthday, Thursday the 24th, I had another fabulous day which was described in my previous blog. Dinner at Boulevard was phenomenal. It was great to catch up with my friends who I hadn't seen in ages.

Last weekend Chris, Tanya, Diter and I headed up to Tanya's folks' place in Calaveras County. Saturday I learned how to use a chainsaw which kicks ass! We felled over 30 cedar trees that were either dead or dying to help make their property safer during fire season. It was hard work, but enjoyable. I love doing physical work and having that pleasantly exhausted feeling after a hard day's work. Good stuff!

Sunday we all slept in. We eventually headed into town and Tanya gave me a quick tour. It's a lovely old town with the world's smallest post office. Seriously! We then headed to Ironstone Winery to pick up some wine for Valhalla Faire. Then it was back to SF.

That evening, our new friends Chris and Linda came in town. We met them at the Karfluki Festival in Auburn over Cinqo de Drinko. We met them at the Plough and Stars for the Sunday night session. Chris plays the bodhran and Linda plays the fiddle. They are a wonderful couple who are hilarious. It was lovely to watch them play. Eventually we headed back to Chris and Tanya's and hung out until I fell asleep on the couch. Monday morning, I took those two to breakfast at Seal Rock Inn. They headed back to Sacramento and I spent the rest of the day helping Tanya with photos and generally hanging out.

Wow, this was a long blog. It's been such a great birthday, I couldn't resist sharing it with everyone.

This really has been the best birthday I've ever had!! Thank you to everyone for their emails, calls, texts, posts, etc. Y'all are amazing!

This moment of joy was brought to you by the letter B and the number 30.

I'm 30 Today! Woohoo!

2007-05-24T15:46:00.000-07:00

Today is my birthday. The big 3-0. Who let that happen? I can't believe it - I think I'm less mature now than I was at 21. Hehehehe.

I decided to take today off work. I have to say, that's one of the best decisions I've made in awhile!

I met Allen and Jessie at Mission Cliffs this morning at 9am. We got in some decent climbing. I made it to the top of one wall thanks to the encouragement of A&J. Then I tried the same level on a longer climb. It beat me twice, but next time...next time that wall is mine! I'm still a bit frustrated that I mentally know what I need to do, but can't necessarily get my body to do it. Oh well, it'll come and continuing to climb and workout and improve that strength to weight ratio will help!

After Mission Cliffs and a quick one taco from the taco truck, I headed up to Corte Madera to train with Stephen. Man, talk about having nothing left in the body! It was a good session though.

Once Stephen finally stopped torturing me, I headed back across the GG Bridge and met Jessie for lunch. We went to Pacific Catch and chowed down on some serious food. Good times!

I'm now at home and getting ready to take a quick nap. I'm looking at an apartment this evening at 5pm. Then a couple friends are taking me to Boulevard for dinner tonight. I'm not quite sure how the food is there - all I hear is it's rather fancy-shamancy so should be fun.

I have to say, this has been one hell of a birthday so far! I should turn 30 every year! In fact, it's so good I might just make this last at least a month. Hell, maybe all year! Why? Because I can. :-) Next blog will be about how wonderful last weekend in Tahoe was. But now, now I'm going to enjoy a birthday nap and then figure out what to wear tonight....

This moment of birthday excitement was brought to you by the letter B and the number 30.

Communication Pet Peeve

2007-05-23T13:20:00.000-07:00

*Warning - rant to ensue*

Why is it, with all ways we have to communicate these days, we communicate less than ever? Why do we choose to hide behind a computer screen to type an email instead of meeting with that person face-to-face or at least calling them?

Don't get me wrong. Email is a wonderful tool! It's very useful for doing business and for keeping in touch with friends when you don't have time for a phone call.

That said, email is NOT the appropriate forum to have a relationship conversation. I don't care if it's a friendship, a romance, family, whatever. It is not okay to use that medium to have serious conversations. It's too impersonal. It's too open for interpretation. If you care enough to communicate with someone around your relationship, freaking nut up and at least call the person. Don't hide behind a computer to express how you feel or to say difficult things. That's not how friends treat each other. That's not how loved ones treat each other. Have some respect for the other person and either set up a time to see them and talk with them or at least give them the courtesy of a phone call.

Sorry, I'm a little testy as I just received one of these.

Long and short of it - if you want to discuss the status of our relationship, call me. Only use email to set up a time for discussion in this instance.

*stepping off soapbox*

I promise the next blog will be light-hearted and telling about the fabulous birthday celebration I had in Tahoe this last weekend.

This moment of ranting was brought to you by the letter E and the number 1.

Done, Done and I'm Onto the Next One

2007-05-14T13:02:00.000-07:00

The past year and a half has been one of growth and change for me. I've broadened my horizons and found myself doing thinks simply because they scare me and I refuse to let that stop me.

This past weekend I took the Motorcycle Safety Course. It's a wonderful course, though a bit grueling for those of us who have never ridden before. I highly recommend it to anyone interested in riding! There's one day of classroom work and then you ride both days of the weekend for around 5 hours. At the end you take the riding test.

The course was far more physically tasking on the upper body than I expected. I'm sure part of that will go away with practice and hours on the bike.

Yesterday didn't start well. The first exercise was to complete a u-turn in a small area. You have to counterbalance on the bike to do so. My first attempt I ended up freaking out a bit and hit the throttle (oops!) and ended up dumping the bike....on me. There's a reason people tell you to kick the bike away if you fall. The bikes they use for the course aren't all that heavy, but they sure are when laying on your calf/shin. I immediately knew what I had done wrong, but somehow that didn't make it any better. The rider coach came over, lifted the bike off me and asked if I was okay. I told him, "Nothing wounded but my pride." He laughed and said, "Sweetie, there's no pride in this course." Boy was he right! All in all, I figure that I was bound to drop a bike eventually...best to get it out of the way early. Thank goodness it wasn't during the actual exam!

Despite the caption on the picture, I ended up passing the test which is great. Once I get the paper in the mail, I need to go to the DMV and take the written test. Then I will have my M1 license. Woohoo! Dougie is going to be my study buddy and we're going to take it Memorial Day weekend. I definitely want to do more work in a parking lot and on streets with little traffic before heading out into the "real world" on a bike. All in all a great experience and I'm glad I took the class.

I have one hell of a bruise on my left leg. Broken skin, swelling and bruising. I was checking it out at one point and the rider coach asked if I wanted medical attention. I looked at him like he was an idiot and he said, "Don't look at me like that. I have to ask that question." I responded, "It's not a good day unless blood is involved." My old rugby coach would be proud.

The weird thing - somehow in the midst of falling I managed to twist the other ankle and also pull the skin back from the nail on one side of my thumb (which is especially impressive considering I was wearing gloves). Very random.

Oh, and Promise - according to Tanya, Diter and Chris, I look hot in the jacket Chris loaned me so you should be set. ;-P

Now to set the next goal.....

This moment of 'happy tired' was brought to you by the letter M and the number 1.

One Down, Two to Go

2007-05-10T16:13:00.000-07:00

Last night I completed the classroom portion of the MSF course. I passed the written exam with flying colors. We actually ride the motorcycles this Saturday and Sunday at ass o'clock in the morning. If I pass the driving test on Sunday, I then have to take the written test at the DMV. At that point I will officially be Promise's hot biker gf. Woohoo!

Keep your fingers crossed for me. As my brother asked, "Do they make a pill for balance?"

This moment of excitement was brought to you by the letter M and the number 1.

Exhausted

2007-05-03T10:29:00.000-07:00

I am running on fumes right now. These past few weeks have been madness - a job that has me stressed out, trying to get fire swords ready for the performance in Union Square this past Sunday, trying to keep some semblance of a life at the same time, etc. I hate that my job is affecting me in other areas of my life. It has started to bleed - something I swore would never happen. I love physical exhaustion - it means I've used my body and pushed it to a limit. Emotional/mental exhaustion is another animal entirely.

Tuesday night I went with Allen, Jessie and one of Allen's labmates to see Mando Diao at Bottom of the Hill. They were playing with Pop Levi and The Films. It was a great show! These guys are really, really good. You can check them out here: www.mando-diao.com/ I ended up buying some of their CDs online yesterday. Though the show and the company were fabulous, I didn't get home til around 1:30am or so. It made being in work at 7:30 the next morning really difficult. I was pretty beat all day yesterday. After work I had to deal with Sprint and try to get a new phone as mine was dropped on Saturday. Chris used epoxy to put it back together, but it then decided to turn itself off mid-conversation on a regular basis. After I finally got home I ate a quick bite and started some laundry. Next thing I know, I fell asleep on the couch. When I finally awoke, it was in a panic as I had this horrible feeling I had overslept. It was only 9:20pm so I was still safe. Though the nap was much needed, it made it difficult to fall asleep when I really wanted to go to bed last night.

I was up at 4:45 this morning to be in Corte Madera by 6am. That's north of the Golden Gate Bridge for those of you who don't know. Why would anyone want to be in Corte Madera at 6am you ask? Well, because I've started training. It's actually at the gym where Stephen trains. In fact, my appointment this morning was with Stephen. This was session number 2. I did an intro session on Tuesday with the owner of the gym (who is a doll). In addition to literally killing me with each session, I get to laugh the entire time. I am really excited about this program!!

After leaving Stephen, I hopped in the car and drove to Santa Clara for a dentist appointment. Why is my dentist down there? Well, my first four years or so out here I was working in the South Bay. I found this guy and really like him, so it's worth the drive for me. I decided to work out of our Cupertino office today instead of driving back to the client South SF as I have a Women of Vision award ceremony to attend tonight in San Jose. It's going to be another LONG day. It doesn't help that I'm sitting here with my muscles completely exhausted either. (Thanks Stephen! No, really, thank you!) I'm wondering if I can sneak out at some point to get a nap. Hehehehe.

I feel like Madeline Kahn - "I'm so tired." (Bonus points to those of you who catch the reference)

This moment of fatigue was brought to you by the letter E and the number 5.

Whirlwind Weekend

2007-04-30T19:10:00.000-07:00

Man, I'm knackered today! My weekend was non-stop. Friday afternoon I didn't have any meetings scheduled so decided to work from home in the afternoon. Managed to even wash my car. It was nice to enjoy the sunshine and caught up with my neighbor as I was washing. I meant to give the poor girl a wax job (my car sickos, not my neighbor), but ran out of time. Received a text message from my buddy Greg (Snowball for you hashers) at 4:30 asking what I was doing that night and saying he was landing at 8:30. What the heck? Had to run to Discount Fabrics to purchase some materials for the fire sword project, then off to my second home - Boychaos' garage. I swear I spend more time there than my own house these days.

BC, Diter and I worked on the swords that evening. Then we spent some time cleaning up the garage. Greg arrived a little after 10pm. He and I grabbed a bite at Mel's Diner. We were both pretty tired so went home, had some single malt and put in an episode of Firefly. We ended up passing out on the couch. I woke up around 3:30 and went to bed. Saturday morning we grabbed some breakfast and then I took Greg to the airport. I love random one-night visits from friends! I then headed back to my second home to work on the swords all afternoon. I headed home around 7pm. After a little R&R on the couch I hit the shower and then headed to Allen's house. We were off to a party for one of his friends' birthdays. The party was...interesting. Lots of "scene" people who were too busy posturing to be worth interacting. Allen did manage to organize a small walk-off at one point. Unfortunately, David Bowie didn't appear out of nowhere to judge. It's been a long time since I've been in a situation like that. Jessie joined us later and then we headed back to Allen's to crash.

Sunday, we planned to go climbing. Everyone slept in and by the time the house roused, it was too late to go climbing. Instead we made some pancakes and enjoyed the back garden. It was wonderful to enjoy the sunshine and eat pancakes with good company. I've decided pancakes are yummy, but just aren't as good when you eat them alone. I finally had to motivate and headed home for a quick change and then back to the garage for finishing the fire swords before the Temple of Poi performance in Union Square that night. At some point that afternoon I learned BC and Dougie needed me to spin in the interim. The swords only last about 90 seconds and there was going to have to be a short break to get the second ones. They wanted me to fill the interim with my poi.

Somehow everything came together and we headed down to Union Square. It was a gorgeous night, though a bit chilly. We had a decent crowd. Dougie, Jenny, Diter, BC and I were required to be there at 7:30, but we didn't go on until around 9:20. There were some amazing performers there! Eventually it was our turn and the boys went out and started beating on each other. Once their flame started to die, I headed onto the stage, they lit my poi and I did my thing. I was a bit nervous as I haven't really practiced in a long time. Nor have I spun in a leather corset before. It all worked out and I had a lot of fun, even though it was a short session. The boys came back, I lit their new swords and they continued the beatings. I was pretty pleased how my bit turned out and that I even got a few compliments on it. Not bad for not practicing. It was great to finally see the fire swords in use after all the prep time we've spent on them.

I got to drive back with the lovely Tanya which, as always, was a joy. It was great to get a little 1:1 time with her again, even it was only for 20 minutes. By the time I got to my house it was after 11pm. I had to get something out the door for work so it turned into a far later evening than planned. All in all, a grand weekend.

That said, it's really sad when I'm looking forward to tonight because it's the one night I don't have to do anything this week! Yikes! T

his whirlwind moment was brought to you by the letter W and the number 3.

Awwwww Yeah!!!

2007-04-27T10:34:00.000-07:00

Some of you know that I went climbing for the first time about 6 months ago. It all started at Burning Man and climbing Thunderdome. Note to self - never climb in a short skirt and corset. Allen conned me into going to the climbing gym with him shortly after. It was a pretty frustrating time as the wall defeated me every single time. Didn't make it to the top of anything. Part of it was strength-to-weight ration, part of it was mental.

We went again last night. I conquered not just one, but TWO walls last night. It was awesome! I was totally doing a happy dance. Sure, they were the easiest walls there, but the point is I made it to the top! I did the first one and then moved up a level for the second. My final climb I tried to move up one more level. Not far into the climb there was one hold that just sucked. It kept throwing me for a loop and I had to start over multiple times. Allen gave me a suggestion for approaching it differently. It worked, but then shortly after I had nothing left in my hands and fell. After a brief rest I tried it one last time. From the previous climbs and the screw-ups on this one, I just didn't have the strength left to do it.

No worries though. Next time, that wall is mine!

Guess losing weight has helped a bit eh? :-)

This moment of happy dance was brought to you by the letter C and the number 2.

Hair Happy Dance!

2007-04-23T17:30:00.001-07:00

Warning, the following is silly, but totally made my day.

My junior or senior year in college, I discovered a shampoo and conditioner that rocked my world. My hair looked amazing when I was using it and I swore I'd never use another kind. Well, a year or two ago they stopped making it. I was crushed! I've been trying new ones ever since and have just never found anything I truly like. At one point I even found a site online that said if you had previously used the shampoo I did, use this other product instead. It was awful! I decided to do a little research today, mainly to be a total geek and send Matrix an email asking why on earth they had stopped making that shampoo and conditioner. Low and behold, someone is selling 7 sets of it on eBay for cheap. Yep, I ordered them all. I am so freaking excited right now!

I'm laughing at myself because it's incredibly silly, but it really put a smile on my face. Yay for the internet!

This moment of inane joy was brought to you by the letter V and the number 7.

How Old Do You Feel?

2007-04-23T15:22:00.000-07:00

How old do you feel now?

This moment of evil laughter was brought to you by the letter O and the number 73.

Vroom!

2007-04-12T10:49:00.000-07:00

I just signed up for the motorcycle safety course. The coursework will be May 9th and the riding May 12th and 13th. I'm completely excited and scared all at the same time. Woohoo!

This moment of wind in my hair was brought to you by the letter M and the number 1.

Feelings....

2007-04-09T15:29:00.000-07:00

Nothing more than feelings.

Apologies for the earworm.

This question was running through my head yesterday and again today:

How is it possible to be happy and content, yet sad all at the same time?

Inquiring minds want to know.

This moment of inquisitiveness was brought to you by the letter I and the number 3.

Remember the Mailbox?

2007-04-04T14:09:00.000-07:00

Remember when it held actual letters from people and not just bills? Over lunch I went to the post office to send a few things. One of those was an actual, bona fide letter. Yes, I actually took the time to sit down, put pen to paper and write a letter. I miss those days. I miss being excited when going to the mailbox and finding a letter. Don't get me wrong, email is wonderful for sending those quick, "Hey, was thinking about you and hope you're having a good day" type notes. However, there's nothing like a handwritten letter.

Yay for trips down memory lane.

This trip down memory land was brought to you by the letter L and the number 1.

Wonderful Feeling

2007-03-27T21:51:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure how many of you know, but one of my aunts is a nun. She is also a nurse and helped our family take care of each of my parents at home while they were sick. Aunt Carol is an amazing woman. She teaches, goes fly fishing, ties her own flies (was even on David Letterman as the "Fly fishing nun", etc. Because she is a nun she has also taken a vow of poverty. When mom passed away, she wanted to make sure Aunt Carol was taken care of. However, because of the vow of poverty we couldn't give her the money as she would have had to give it to the church. Instead, my brother and I took it and it is at her disposal as her "travel fund." Aunt Carol loves to travel both within the US and outside. She did an amazing trip to Wales where she took underpriveledged kids on a fly fishing trip over there.

A few weeks ago she called as she and Aunt Pedi (my honorary aunt. They have been in the convent together and friends since Carol was 16) wanted to go spend some time in Vegas. I think she also had a convention out there (not totally clear on all the details as she called my brother and he just told me they needed money from the travel fund). So I popped the check in the mail to pay for their trip with a little note that it was money from heaven.

I got a message from Aunt Carol tonight. She and Aunt Pedi were sitting at the Venetian enjoying a fabulous meal while enjoying the sounds of someone singing opera. After their meal they were going to head down and see The Phantom of the Opera. She was so excited! She sounded just like a little kid. They were having a fabulous time and wanted to call and say thank you. It was the cutest message.

It made me so happy to hear how delighted they were to get away and be able to play. I love the fact that I'm able to help contribute to that kind of excitement and joy and give a little back to two people who have given so much!! You know how some moments in life remind you of all that is important and good in the world? As silly as it sounds, this was one of those moments for me. Put a giant smile on my face.

This moment of joy was brought to you by the letter V and the number 2.

Walking on Broken Glass (or, My $$$ Weekend)

2007-03-26T20:44:00.001-07:00

As some of you know, my car window was broken Saturday night during the Spike's Blood Drive. That was a total buzz kill (if I'd had a buzz) at 4:15am. (I'll post a separate blog with an actual update of my truly wonderful weekend.) After heading into work this morning, I decided it would be a good idea to take that in and get it fixed. Spoke to my insurance guy and since my deductible is $500, no point in filing a claim. Left work at noon and brought it into the shop. I also needed an oil change. As I was chatting with the mechanic (who is hilarious and I adore) I asked when the timing belt was supposed to be replaced on this particular car. It turns out 7 years or 105,000 miles. Well, I'm at 117,000 miles and it's never been changed. How much is that going to run? Yikes! He then said, "Yeah, but if it goes..." My response to my mechanic, "It really sucks when you have me by the balls that I don't even have." Might as well add that to the list. Just picked it up from the shop (huge thanks to Tanya for driving me!!!!) and here's the damage:

New window in my car: $226.79
Oil/filter/lube: $ 26.25
New timing belt: $823.14
Slight discount given: $ -78.83

Grand total: $1045.15

Being able to have a successful fundraiser with my vamps: Priceless....or in this case, $1045.15. :-)

Ah, the joys of owning a car and being able to enjoy the open road.

This moment of expenditure was brought to you by the letter B for broken and the number 1045.

My First Photo Shoot

2007-03-19T15:08:00.001-07:00

This past weekend was packed with activities. I got home from work late on Friday night. I was supposed to go to a friend's house for a birthday party. I fixed some food and made the mistake of sitting down on the couch. Next thing I know it's midnight. Oops, guess I'm not going to the party! I went to bed and got a total of 12 hours of sleep. Rock the heck on!

Saturday I had my first photo shoot. Spike's Vampire Bar (from Burning Man) is doing a fundraiser by creating a 'Girls of Spike's' calendar. Basically a bunch of hot women (and me) in goth/fetish wear. My friend Tanya was our photographer. I was pretty nervous going into it for lots of reason: poor self-image, never done a proper photo shoot before, etc. It turned out to be A LOT of fun! Tanya was great. It helps that I love her and completely trust her. I was at ease the entire time and we laughed our way through the shoot. We each did one outfit, had a break where we changed and then shot a second outfit. She took some AMAZING photos! I want to know where she found my doppleganger and took photos of her instead of me. There's no way I'm that hot! Amazing what a good photographer can do isn't it? I'm thrilled that I'm going to end up with photos that I actually like of myself.

After the shoot I hung out and helped with the other women for a bit. Then I headed home for a quick change and headed over to Allen's house. Allen, Stephen, Kristine and I all hung out for a bit drinking and laughing. We then went to the Bloc Party concert. They were awesome live! I'm really pleased I bought the tickets as I loved it. After, we went back to Allen's for a bit and then I stopped by Trader Sam's bar to hang out with my boys for a little slice of time. Finally headed home. Probably the tamest St. Patty's Day I've had in years.

Slept for another 11 hours that night. Sunday I played volleyball in Golden Gate Park. Then I headed back over to Tanya's and we went for a long walk on Ocean Beach. After, we hung out at her house just chatting, reviewing the photos from the day before, chatting some more and just generally hanging out. It was great to be able to spend some 1:1 time with her. She's such a doll!

Got to bed way too late last night for being in at work at 7 this morning. Oh well, it was worth it.

Now, I know some of you are going to be asking me to see the photos. Well, here's the thing - order a calendar! It's a fundraiser, yo. :-) Actually, once the calendar is out I will be free to post some photos. You'll never believe it's me either!

On a more random note, I decided to get my resume in order and apply for a job a friend sent me. It looks like it'd be a perfect fit. I'm so done with my current job. I can't wait to hand in my notice! Keep your fingers crossed for me. Time to go work on the resume...

This moment of photo glory was brought to you by the letter P and the number 50.

Yippee!

2007-03-15T17:27:00.000-07:00

Today I fit in a skirt I haven't been able to wear before.

Kind of a nice reminder that even though I haven't been able to workout, I'm still taking better care of myself.

This moment of yippee was brought to you by the letter W and the number 15.

PS - Buzz - I'm waiting on others for photos. Sorry mate. Out of my hands.

Betty Ford Rehab Hash Recap

2007-03-13T17:57:00.000-07:00

Holy crap, what a weekend! Thursday I started with conference calls at 6am. That was 6-12, meeting 12-2, 2-3 and 3-4. Headed out the door at 4:30 to get some errands accomplished before going home to pack and get waxed. It was a bit of a hectic evening and we didn't even start the waxing until after 10pm. Got to bed around 1am after throwing things into a suitcase. Was up at 8 to shower and head to the Milbrae BART station where Panty Free and I were leaving our cars for the weekend. PF was running late so I went ahead and hopped BART to SFO, got the Air Shuttle to the right terminal, checked in and headed on through security. By the time I hit the gate they were boarding. PF had just sent me a text message that the next train was in 5 minutes. I had a sneaking suspicion she wasn't going to be joining me on this flight. Turns out she ran like a madwoman and ended up checking bags AND making it through security in time for last call. Rock star! Mossy Patch was also on our same flight

We flew into Palm Springs, grabbed our bags and the three of us split a cab to the hash hotel. They managed to get our rooms ready in time so we were able to check-in and drop our stuff. PF and I had each gotten adjoining rooms. Bloeing Inc was flying in from Singapore and going to share with me. Snowball was coming in from Denver and going to stay with PF. Can you say party central? I thought you could. After grabbing some lunch we put one our swimsuits, loads of sunscreen and hit the pool. Ran into the boys there and got them into the rooms. Spent the rest of the afternoon lounging poolside and soaking up some sun. Got to catch up with tons of folks I hadn't seen in ages - Blow Ho, Max Lode, Manhole Muncher, Happy, the rest of the Santa Barbara crew, Xena, etc. Then it was time to put on our lingerie and head out the door for the lingerie "run". It was a great trail this year that consisted of a pre-lube gay bar and then two pubs on trail. Then we were straight to the party after. My kind of trail! SB, BI, PF and I all made a pit stop on the way at some Mexican restaurant and grabbed a bite to eat in our lingerie. People were entertained.

The Hash Band was playing that night. Ended up meeting some guy - Just Sean - who apparently isn't a hasher at all. He had seen us from his hotel room at the Hyatt, ordered a bathrobe from the hotel and tagged along to the end. Ingenius! He was a pretty cool cat and as it turns out actually lives in San Francisco and was just down for work. We ended up having a nice little makeout session. Around 1am he walked me back to the hotel, got my number and then I crashed out. Turns out I had the room to myself that night as apparently the drunk ones thought I was going to hook up with the guy and all stayed in the other room together. Too funny. Thoughtful, but funny. Around 6:30am BI knocks on the door and I roll out of bed to let him in. He and PF went on a food and gatorade run. SB and I ended up combining into one room and getting some more sleep until they came back. Yes, that means the drinking started at 7:30am. You can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning!

Saturday consisted of lots of pool time. While some freaks went out on the actual run in 97 degree weather, those of us who are smart stayed poolside. We also gathered the Hash Wenches to practice our skit for the evening. We eventually walked over to the party. Here's where there was a bit of a communication breakdown. We thought we had 2 hours for dinner before the skits started. None of us were that interested in the food they were serving and SB wanted to go back and shower. So, the four of us headed back to the hotel and waited while he freshened up. We then went back and ate at a rather disappointing Italian place close to the venue. When we rolled back in the skits were almost finished and they had ended up cancelling ours since PF and I weren't there. We wouldn't have had time to get in our outfits before they ended so we were S.O.L.

It was sweet, actually. We had a number of people come up and tell us how disappointed they were that we didn't perform and that our skit was the only reason they even watch the skits. We were bummed too, but we'll just save it for North/South this year as it's a fabulous song!

Hung out at the venue with GlibGal, her bf, SB, BI, Max Lode, Scrummy and numerous others. We eventually decided to do a pub crawl. That turned into loads of entertainment. Man, talk about drunken pumpkins! I can't wait to see the photos. We were out until bar time and then finally stumbled back to the rooms. We were all pretty beat, but spent some time at the hot tub before calling it a night. Hit the sack around 3:30am. We were up again around 8am and the drinking started once again. The four of us had a mellow morning just drinking in our room and lounging on the bed. BI was a train wreck and passed out eventually. As any good hasher would, we used a small version of the P.O.K. (Pass Out Kit) on him. He now had a bright green sharpie 3rd eye and a mustache. People kept floating in and out of the room. We eventually headed to the pool where PF and I continued our white trash tradition of putting pool chairs in the kiddie pool and sitting there in the water getting some rays. BI woke up and came out to join us. In true BI fashion, he totally owned the third eye and mustache and had a field day playing it up. My cheeks hurt from laughter.

People eventually started heading out. We finally showered and headed to dinner around 7:30. The restaurant had a 45 minute wait so we sat in the bar and ordered some beverages and some appetizers. I had some iced tea and let me tell you, it was the most refreshing drink I had all weekend! After about an hour we got a table and had dinner. It was Scrummy, Escrowtum, Rarely Cums, PF, SB, BI and for a bit Tits Ahoy. As always, it was pure entertainment. We eventually headed back to the hotel (around 10pm) to pack our bags and order a cab for an early ride to the airport the next morning.

Ended up getting woken up by BI around 5am and helped the train wreck search for his wallet. After finding it (and several other things he had lost - except his dignity which somehow remained elusive) we hung out some more and then I had to get ready to go. The cab came at 6am so PF and I said our goodbyes to the boys and headed to the airport. Had a long day at work yesterday considering how tired I was. I think I was in bed at 9:30 last night. A few more nights of that and maybe I'll have a voice again soon! ;-)

All in all, a wonderful weekend. It was great to hang out with my boys again who I don't get to see nearly enough of. Once a year is absolutely not enough. The nice thing is I get loaded up with enough funny stories to last me until the next time I see them. I think we've all decided to meet up in Perth next year for Interhash. Consider this your warning Australia! Sunshine, pool, good friends, catching up with folks I hadn't seen in ages, learning interesting developments in friends' lives, bottomless adult beverages....what more could anyone ask?

Once people send me links to photos I'll try and share some. I didn't have a camera, but the boys did so there should be some good shots.

This moment of happy memories was brought to you by the letters BF and the number 21.

Halter Tops and Sleep Cycles

2007-03-07T09:42:00.000-08:00

What do they have in common? Why, absolutely nothing! However, they were both on my mind in the shower this morning so you get one giant blog full of random things.

Yesterday I went swimsuit shopping (again) as I need a swimsuit for the Betty Ford Rehab Hash in Palm Springs this weekend. Last week I went to Target where I usually find some pretty cute suits. Everything was either a bikini (I wouldn't do that to y'all) or a halter top tankini. Now, I love tankinis. They had some really cute ones. The problem - they are all halter tops! Halter tops are cute. Halter tops are even sexy. There's just one issue - halter tops are cute and sexy when you don't have big boobs! Now, I think we all know that I do and therefore halter tops look like hell on me. I gave up on Target and last night hit my favorite chubby punk rock girl store - Torrid. I expect Torrid to understand the halter top plight suffered by those of us with large breasts. Every suit except one was a halter top. What gives??? I'm happy for all those women out there with tiny breasts who look good in a halther top. But please, please, PLEASE designers everywhere...show some love for those of us who are more fortunately endowed.

Got home around 6:30pm. Yesterday was my first day back at work after being sick. I felt like I needed a nap all day. Decided to take a quick one from 6:30-7:45. Plan was to then get up, eat dinner, watch Gilmore Girls (my guilty pleasure) and then hit the hay. Well, I did wake up at 7:45. And again at 10:30. And again at 1am. Had to go to the bathroom so I made the mistake of getting up. So now it's 1am, I've gotten 6.5 hours of sleep already and I'm wide awake. Watched bad TV until about 3am when I finally fell back asleep until I had to get up for work this morning. Was absolutely ravenous since I didn't get dinner last night. Somehow I'm thinking I really needed the sleep though! Feel surprisingly good today considering I was up from 1-3am.

Tonight I get to see my friend from Australia again. She's in town with her boyfriend and their little daughter. I can't wait!! It'll be great to catch up. The only bad part is I have meetings starting at 6am tomorrow. That means I'll be leaving work early though, getting a pedicure and packing for my trip. Strawberry will be coming by that evening for a little waxing session so I'll be good to go to lounge about in swimwear in the 90 degree weather this weekend. Woohoo!

Yes, life is looking up! Now if we could just get this halter top thing sorted.... :-)

This moment of randomness was brought to you by the letter H and the number 9.

They Walk Among Us

2007-03-06T15:32:00.001-08:00

Many of you have heard me complain about being surrounded by idiots. Got this today and thought it was a prime example and a little humor for a Tuesday. Enjoy!

=======================================================
I walked into a Burger King with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a
sandwich. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little
chalkboard that said "buy one-get one free". "They're already buy-
one-get-one-free", she said, "so I guess they're both free".
She handed me my free sandwiches and I walked out the door.

They walk among us and many work retail.

===================

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when
one of them shouted, "Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked
up at the sky and said, "Where?"

They Walk among us!

====================

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent
which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want
the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun
rise in the north?"
When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has
for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up
with that stuff."

They Walk Among Us!!

====================

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day
I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center
was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a
day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific
time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific."

They Walk Among Us!

====================

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a
seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.

They Walk Among Us!

====================

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were
discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The
cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk Among Us!

====================

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to
the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never
showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a
trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me,
"has your plane arrived yet?"

They Walk Among Us!

====================

While at a Pizza Hut I observed a man ordering a small
pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he
would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some
time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm
hungry enough to eat 6 pieces."

Yep, They Walk Among Us!

===================

This moment of lunacy was brought to you by the letter I and the number 1,000,000

Slowly Feeling More Human

2007-03-06T13:51:00.001-08:00

My fever finally broke on Friday. Hooray! Spoke to my doctor that day as well. She wished I had called her the day before as I have the flu and you have to start taking those drugs in the first 48 hours. Since I didn't, she gave me stuff to help with all the phlegm in my chest and the ensuing issues with asthma it was causing. My chest was so sore from coughing - my sternum even hurt when I would breathe. Just to add to the fun my monthly visitor decided to pop in for a visit as well.

Now that I've got my drugs I'm feeling more human. Just still tired. Amazed at how quickly I'm drained - even something simple like taking a shower causes me to have to sit down and rest for a bit. Bummed I missed the O'Hotties sleepover this weekend. That was disappointing. Hopefully I'll be all all recovered before heading to Palm Springs this weekend.

This moment of feeling more human was brought to you by the letter D and the number 4.